Bad Letter
The author of this brief report has been asked to review a letter from Bobby Johnson. Specifically, the analysis will be done while keeping the 10 C’s in mind. Those C’s, of course, are content, completeness, correctness, clarity, coherence, conciseness, connection, creativity, courtesy and closure. After troubleshooting and identifying the issues with the email, there will then be a rewriting of the email that acts upon what was missing, incorrect or placed in error within the original draft of said email. While the letter written by Bobby Johnson does basically address what was needed, there are some clear-cut things that could and should have been done much better in the email.
Analysis
Overall, the content of the existing letter is fairly positive. There are some issues with the way things are phrased and presented. However, the important parts are there, albeit some of them done incompletely or otherwise poorly. Further, the completeness of the latter is also fairly positive. There are some parts that are there yet incomplete. However, everything that needs to be there, again, would seem to be at least partially present. When it comes to correctness, there does not seem to be anything that is overtly wrong in terms of facts. Again, there is just a little lack of precision and specificity that really needs to be there. When one starts to talk about clarity, this is where things start coming into focus...
For example, he presumes that all fifty people on the email know about the retirement. That is unlikely to be accurate. It should be rephrased to say something like “as some of you may already know, Joe Banyon is retiring” or something else along those lines. Something else that would be very important to be more precise about is the actual date of the party. The fact that only the day of the week and the time, and not the precise date, are mentioned in the letter is a rather notable oversight. Something like Friday, August 11th, 2017 would be much more appropriate. Also missing is the address, city and ZIP code of the restaurant. This will leave no doubt as to where the restaurant is located. “City Café” is a little generic and it is easily possible that there is more than one location that uses that name. This would especially be true in a metropolitan area with more than one suburb or urban area.
When speaking of coherence, the basic logic and consistency is mostly acceptable, with one exception. The letter keeps using plural people references and in a way that does not make a lot of sense. The tensing in general is rather slipshod. For example, the use of “you” when referring to the fifty recipients is obviously not correct. Bobby is not precise about who he means by “we hope you can make it”, although he presumably means Joe Banyon’s friends.…
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