Modest Proposal Dear Mr. President:

¶ … Modest Proposal

Dear Mr. President:

We, as a nation are fat. Let us make no bones (ha!) about this fact. Although some of us (like yourself) pound the treadmill on a daily basis more than 34% of all Americans are overweight and 30.5% are obese. The number, much like the American waistline, is growing at an alarming weight. The obesity crisis will tax the healthcare system of the future, and if the problem continues to grow American children will have shorter, rather than longer life expectancies than their parents.

The causes for this crisis are twofold: too much food and too little exercise. Cutting down on the amount of food we eat is one possibility -- but what about the second half of the caloric expenditure equation? Logic dictates we must either eat less or move more.

A hundred years ago, the nation was slimmer, even though it dined upon fatty meats, loaves of bread, and butter by the stick, followed by mom's apple pie -- because riding in cars was not an accepted part of the American lifestyle. People walked or road horses.

Incidentally, a draining dependence on Middle Eastern oil was not a problem either, back in the good ol' days -- so I say, ban cars! This will force people to burn more calories, simply by walking to work and also mean that we no longer have to worry about the questionable ethics of fundamentalist, terrorist-supporting regimes! To even get food they must walk as well, or better yet, grow it in their backyard garden! The drain of natural resources and the political complications of our dependence on fossil fuels of dictatorships and fundamentalist regimes will be answered in one fell swoop!

Now you say -- don't some people have to work in places too far to walk? To which I say -- wimps! Ultra-marathoners like Dean Karnazes average runs of 85 and 120 miles per week. That is easily a few piles of Supersized fries right there, isn't it? Dean regularly eats everything from Big Macs to entire pumpkin pies to replace the calories he burns during a run, and Dean is lean, fit and taunt -- take that, Morgan Spurlock, director of the anti-fast food, anti-capitalist film "Supersize Me!" Doesn't the emotional pathos of pumpkin pies by the truckload make you shed a tear?

People might protest that their commutes are too far. But I say, then get another job and leave your occupation to a hardier soul who is willing to run farther! If it's short enough for you to pump carbon monoxide into the air, it's short enough for you to run the distance! For the handicapped -- let them use racing wheelchairs! Tone up those arms!

If people have to run to work and walk to the supermarket, they will appreciate their food more, burn more calories while doing so, and the nation will be fitter and slimmer. Goods and services can still be transported by rail, just like they were in the 19th century, and although this may make food transportation slower, this will simply encourage people to buy locally, which will help small businesses and hurt foreign companies.