Tyler Perry\'s Why Did I Get Married

¶ … Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too?

The movie opens with four couples going to the Bahamas for a couples retreat. It is a ritual they practice every year, and on their last day they take turns telling the group why they decided to get married. Each couple is working through issues, some are obvious from the beginning, some are not revealed until later. On the last day of their retreat, one of the couples, Patricia and Gavin, make an announcement to the group that they are getting a divorce. Everyone is shocked because they all believed Pat and Gavin had a perfect marriage. The last half of the movie takes place back in Atlanta where each couple is dealing with the hardships and complication of marriage, such as emotional cheating, ex-husbands, employment, and money. The crux of the film deals with the messy divorce that ensues for Patricia and Gavin, and how each couple is dealing with the feelings it brings up for the group dynamic. The film ends with three of the couples resolving their issues in the face of a tragic car accident that kills Gavin and leaves Patricia a widow. The last scene hints that a year later Pat finds potential love from a philanthropic donor to her university where she teaches.

This film is highly centered around trust. Obviously all marriages and relationships should have a strong foundation of trust; but this film brings up many instances where trust is questioned, still fragile or is missing completely. The first scene that is important to the viewer, and really sets up the dynamic for Angela and Marcus, is when they are in the airport and Angela is angry with Marcus because he is constantly texting on his phone, comes home late from work, and refuses to give her the password to his phone. Angela is constantly raising her voice and belittling Marcus in front of other people, unaware that her behavior is negatively influencing her relationship. She is constantly convinced that he is cheating on her, a classic example of how trust is completely missing from a relationship.

The second scene with impact has to do with Shiela and Troy's relationship. It becomes obvious to the viewer when Shiela and Troy arrive at the Bahamas, that they really can't afford this trip because Troy hasn't been able to find a job in Atlanta. They are struggling financially with a new baby and two mortgages, but they are also struggling with Troy's pride as the provider for his family. He feels guilty that he is unable to provide for Shiela and their new baby, and she feels put off that he can't talk to her about his worries. Their trust for the relationship is strained due to Shiela's ex-husband showing up uninvited to the retreat, who makes it obvious he wants Sheila back.

The third scene centers around Diane and Terry's marriage, which looks perfect from the outside, but small scenes and gestures from the retreat suggest that something is going on beyond what the viewer can see, such as when Dianne accidentally calls her husband Terry "Phil." Later, back in Atlanta, Diane bring flowers home that she supposedly bought for the house, but Terry finds a plastic card holder that suggests that someone gave them to her. The major scene for this relationship is when Terry finally confronts Diane about her recent happiness he has noticed, and small changes noted in her behavior. Finally, Diane admits that she has been having an emotional affair with a man from another law firm.

The fourth scenes with the most impact revolve around Patricia and Gavin, who once back from the retreat begin proceedings on their divorce. It is very clear that although they meant for the process to be amicable, it is not going to end that way. The most emotionally disturbing scene occurs when Gavin returns to the house drunk to pack his belongings. He becomes increasingly belligerent and ends up physically assaulting Pat, verbally abusing her, and burning beloved pictures of their deceased infant son.

There are several poignant scenes throughout that film that example how a couple can work through certain issues in a correct way or an incorrect way. The most obvious scene (and even the most obvious character), who incorrectly approaches her relationship is Angela, who keeps up constant complaining and tirades against her husband. Her goal is to try a find a solid foundation of trust where there is none, so she resorts to a brute force attack against her husband to try to get certain information from him. Emotional tirades and belittling is an incorrect way to handle any problem in a relationship, whether it centers on trust and cheating or not. Whether it is arguing over what movie to go see at the theater, it should always be approached in a calm manner.

A correct example of handling conflict is how Terry confronts Diane about whether she is cheating or not. He has obviously been thinking for some time about this extremely sensitive subject, and finally when he sees her laying out her clothes for work the next day, which includes sexy undergarments, he decides to ask her who "he" is. In a calm, almost serene manner, he explains his observations and that he wants her to be honest so that they can work through these problems and save their marriage. In this way, by not making her feel threatened or defensive, she admits that she is having an emotional affair, but makes the decision to end it and apologizes profusely. Although the hurt is obviously still there, they will be able to move forward instead of getting into a fight.

An extreme way of how to deal with conflict is with any physical or emotional assault. During the divorce of Pat and Gavin, he acts out in extreme ways trying to prove his point that the divorce was all her fault because she was always so emotionally distant, that she never showed any hurt over their son dying, and that he still loves her. By physically assaulting her and verbally abusing her, of course, nothing he says is getting through. She is just extremely angry that he could ever behave this way toward her. This type of communication is rarely ever verbal, but always perceived by the other person in body language. Suddenly the words no longer matter, only the actions. Once that threshold is crossed, it is very hard to come back from it successfully, or at all. Domestic violence is never a correct way to deal with any conflict, so other tools should be used instead.