Adler Inferiority Complex Modern Parenting Theory

According to the theorist Alfred Adler, every child has a sense of inferiority and inadequacy when coping with the challenges of the world. The child compensates for these feelings by honing other strengths and skills, sometimes to the point of overcompensation (Hoffman, 2020. However, if the child does not attain a sense of competence, he or she may develop an inferiority complex, or a sense that he or she is less rather than equal to his or her peers. This feeling may carry over into adulthood.

According to an article in the Washington Post by Hax (2021), many parents have an inferiority complex about the act of parenting themselves, comparing themselves to other parents and their children to other parents. The Washington Post article takes the form of a letter from a mother whose child is about to attend a preschool, who feels increased inferiority relative to the other parents, expressing the feeling that she does not know what she is doing, compared to her peers. Parenting experts respond with reassurance as well as analyze what is termed an inferiority complex.

The Internet may have intensified feelings of inferiority in ways that Adler could not have predicted. Online social media, as well as parenting groups, books, and other online sources telling parents how to parent better, have, according to Hax (2021) increased the anxiety parents may feel they are inferior. Parents often feel as if they are not doing things as well as they should, compared with other parents. Hax (2021) views this sense of inferiority to some degree as normal: “Most likely, this fear is misplaced, and the fact that you’re worrying about it likely means you’re an attentive, caring parent” (par.4). However, Adler is less inclined to view a sense of inferiority in adulthood as normal, even as in the example highlighted in the Hax (2021) article, the person is aware that the sense of inferiority is irrational.

Inferiority can result in unconscious overcompensation, in Adler, in this instance either in over-parenting or in constant worries that the child is not being given an optimal life. Parents may be reassured that they are giving their children the best life they possibly can, but it is very tempting to compare their parenting style and children to others. Additionally, especially for parents in very affluent circumstances who are highly involved with their child’s school and active on social media and intent about learning about parenting, the opportunities for comparison may be more rather than less common versus other situations.

Although the Hax (2021) article takes its title from Adler, however, its use of the term inferiority complex is not fully keeping with Alder’s theory, though. First of all, the parent is very aware of the fact that her sense of inferiority is irrational. She does not describe specific actions she has taken to overcompensate for her sense of inferiority. The inferiority does not necessarily seem to be rooted in unusual or extraordinary events in her childhood, but instead is portrayed as a larger cultural phenomenon where critiquing parenting is common. Parents desire to give their children the best, and not psychologically damage their children by not providing their children with the full range of opportunities.