Old Japanese Adage, When it

¶ … old Japanese adage, when it comes to Alcoholism: "Man takes drink; drink takes drink; drink takes man." This was no truer than for a single father John and his son James, who very recently lost his life due to complications from cirrhosis of the liver. This essay will explore the (d)evolving relationship between father and son due to chronic alcoholism. This definition essay will also show how each of the two involved parties came to view alcoholism. Even these views evolved. For John, drinking was a crutch, something that allowed him to become socially acceptable and also deal with the loss of his wife. For James, it was something to view as acceptable, but it eventually became a cross he had to bear. This essay is targeted towards a support group at Alateen. Each participant in the group is convinced that a beloved family member needs help for his or her drinking.

After seven years of dating, John and Amy decided to get married. Amy was a social drinker; John was a teetotaler, having vowed to never drink because his father died of cirrhosis of the liver. At the wedding, while raising the toast, John, for the first time, drank champagne. It was only part of the celebration. From then on, John would occasionally drink a beer or a glass of wine. Eventually, he drank at every party. But he'd announce to everybody who offered him a drink: "I have a limit; no more than one drink in an evening." Eventually, John began having one drink every evening, just to accompany Amy, who drank one a glass of wine everyday. It seemed to be socially acceptable to drink.

It wasn't long before, the one drink limit did not hold. When invited by his friends after work, John did not say no. One day, John came home drunk. Since they married, John and Amy had their first fight related to alcohol. That however, did not stop the drinking. The fights got more regular. Around this time James was born. John got drunk at James baptism party. John felt he had to drink to calm his nerves, especially after the fights with Amy.

Three days after James' thirteenth birthday, Amy died. Her car was T-boned by a drunk driver at an intersection, not four blocks from John and Amy's home. James was distraught, as was John. It took them a long time to get over the grief. He went through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. It took longer than what Elizabeth Kubler Ross might have averred. But the passage through the throes of grief was smoothed because John drank a lot. John felt the need to drink in order to help with the grief.

At first, James was too young to realize the cause of the friction between his parents. The word "drinking" came up during arguments, but his child's mind did not grasp the significance of it.

John was now becoming an embarrassment. He needed a drink first thing in the morning. But some how he managed to keep his job. James became a recluse. He stopped socializing at school. None of this friends but one associated with him any more. His father's drinking embarrassed James, and he wished he would stop.

James finally decided to do something about it. His father's drinking caused him concern. He felt that his father would either become ill or meet with an accident. James suggested that John go to Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. John's reaction was violent. For the first time in his life, John struck James. He yelled, "I am not an alcoholic." John felt that his drinking was under control; he could stop any time; and he could never be classified as an alcoholic.

John never remembered hitting James, even spanking him. John belonged to the school that never subscribed to the adage: "Spare the rod, spoil the brat." James received this stoically. Though he spent the night weeping, he realized that his father did not strike him, it was the alcohol. James did miss his mother, very much. The next day, after John had sobered, but still needed that "pick me up," he felt remorse and tearfully apologized to his son. When he drank, he never knew what he was doing, John said.

The counselor at AA encouraged James to join Alateen. In addition to counseling, James also liked the support-group setting at Alateen meetings. He finally felt that he was not suffering through his father's drinking alone. John's drinking hung like a constant cloud over James' head. He felt as if he never had one moment in his life of happiness.

Then one day John could not wake up in the morning. The doctor was called in and told James that his father had advanced cirrhosis of the liver. Even another drop of alcohol would kill him. The liver filters out 95% of the alcohol in the blood. But chronic drinking had rendered John's liver non-functional, the doctor told James. It was like a miracle. John stopped drinking, cold turkey. This, along with the medication, helped John to heal. The process of recovery was as smooth as possible, even though the hallucinations of "bugs crawling up my arm" lasted a few days.

James had never experienced such happiness in his life. John remained been a teetotaler for more than fifteen years. Interestingly enough, John sought to forget the drinking part of his life and had no recollection that he ever drank.