Narrative from past to present

¶ … America is known as the "melting pot," and for its population diversity, it is not always easy living for non-Anglo Saxon-Protestant youths or even half-white and half-Japanese youths as me. This is especially the case when you grow up in a small community Lake Stevens (Washington?), with a population of only xxxx.

Defining my roots is difficult. My mother, a (occupation), was born in Japan. She came to the United States in xxxx. She met my father at (?), who was born in (place). Instead of living in a large city like Seattle or Los Angeles, the two decided to make their home in a smaller community because (?).

Race and racial indentity is still a complicated concept for me. What is my ethnicity? What do I look like? What do other people think I am? These questions confused me as a child in a white, suburban neighborhood. My elementary school teacher told me to hold the Japanese flag to celebrate the International diversity of our class. However, I did not feel any kind of attachment to this flag or its country. As a kid, you do not want to be different from anyone. That is a fate worse than death. You want to look the same, dress the same, talk the same. Children can be cruel, especially to others who are not a lot like them.

In Lake Stevens, there is only a few Japanese families, so all of my friends were white Americans. Stereotypes exist everywhere in this world -- in all countries and all communities large and small. It was no different when I growing up. Many times, I would hear comments made about the Japanese. There are still hostilities remaining from WWII, for example. Even when studying history in school, some of the information was incorrect. Because I am insecure about my roots, it was personally difficult for me to clarify the facts. Many of the people in my town have not even met an Asian. They only know of them through the media and film.

How many times I have heard, "You don't look Japanese," as if there is this clone that everyone should be like. and, even though I am part Japanese and part white, there are the questions about the slant of my eyes or the color of hair. The people who ask these questions are not intentionally racist; they are just naive and unthinking. I have been considered Chinese, Japanese, white, Hawaiian and even Latino. Even being called, or calling myself, Japanese-American can be disconcerting. I am American. I was born and raised in this country, like millions of others.

I remember the first time that I heard a negative comment about Japanese. (explain). Even though I was not born in Japan and am an American by birth, part of my heritage is Japanese and I cannot and do not want to forget that. Hearing such derogatory comments is similar to a Polish-American hearing a joke that makes fun of Poles or Americans who are Jewish seeing anti-Semitic grafitti.

Dating has not been easy, either. It seemed like all the white girls to whom I was attracted to did not see me in the same way because they believed I was Asian. Only a small number of girls in this country will date outside their race -- and mixed people like me fall into that category. There were no Asian girls that interested me. (actually, there were only xx Asian girls to begin with).

There is an interesting book by Pearl Fuyo Gaskins called What Are You? Voices of Mixed-Race Young People. The title comes from the question that mixed-race people are often asked by those who find it necessary to place everyone in a discrete ethnic box. Even when this country is so ethnically and culturally mixed, people want to be able to put you into pegs. but, what happens when you are a round peg trying to fit in a square hole?