Are you a good listener? characteristics and self-assessment

¶ … listener?

Do you think you are a good listener?

Yes, I am a good listener. I think I am a good listener because I truly make an effort to listen to what a speaker is saying, rather than think about what else I have to do during the day or what my response will be. I try to focus on the person I am talking to, what their needs are, and their body language. I try to be empathetic and see the world from the speaker's perspective, even though I may disagree with it. If I am uncertain of what the speaker's meaning might be, I do not simply nod my head and let him or her chatter on. I stop, ask a question, and then paraphrase what the speaker is saying to make sure that I understand and that I am not projecting my own meaning onto his or her words.

In a classroom setting, I am also a good listener. I pay attention and come to class prepared to listen with a clear head and an open mind. I take notes so I can recall what is said over the course of the lecture. I try to engage myself in the discussion by asking questions aloud. I also write notes to myself for further clarification.

I think I am an effective listener because I usually retain what is said in personal dialogue and in lectures. The only factors which sometimes impede my ability to listen are if I am tired or stressed out. Then sometimes, I can forget my effective listening behaviors. I can also be impatient (especially with certain family members) and then I do find myself occasionally interrupting them, if I feel that I know what they are going to say. In those instances, I am letting my emotions get the best of me, which is something I never do when I am truly deploying effective listening strategies.

Part Two: Attached listening quiz

I am pleased to report that I scored a 14 on the listening test. I was not surprised by the score, given that as I took the test it was obvious to me that the test was a list of effective listening behaviors, behaviors which I try to replicate in my daily life. I think that for the most part the test is a good test of listening. My only questions about the validity of the test arose in response to the questions: "I listen even if the other person is not interesting" and "I listen even if the speaker is a moron." These seem like very strong judgmental responses which indicate that the listener is not actually paying attention to the speaker.

Of course, I have been bored by what someone is saying and of course at times I think that a speaker is not particularly intelligent if he is being illogical. However, rather than the hallmark of good listening being to listen even though you think someone is boring or stupid, it is better to reserve such opinions altogether, at least until the end of the conversation. If you are thinking: "I am trying to listen to this person, even though he/she is boring," the chances are that you are not truly listening to him or her. You may be retaining the words but are so resistant to what is being said that your listening capacity has been shut down.

Although I do take notes in class, I slightly disagree with the prompt that good note-taking always goes hand-in-hand with good listening. It is possible to be so obsessed with taking notes that you do not hear what the speaker is actually articulating. Taking the quiz underlined to me what I consider most effective in my listening habits but also demonstrated that there is a profound difference between merely 'hearing' someone else's words and truly listening to them

Part Three: Talk to at least two people close to you about what kind of listener they think you are

I am pleased to report that two of my closest friends think I am a good, empathetic listener. One of my friends said I had been very supportive of her and willing to listen to her during a difficult period of her life after she broke up with her boyfriend. She said something that was not really addressed in the quiz: she noted how grateful she was that I was willing to listen to her talk about him over and over again, without trying to silence her like some of her friends. She said just listening, without commenting or complaining or trying to change the subject was very valuable for her recovery and she appreciated letting me get her feelings off of her chest. This demonstrated to me how listening can be a healing experience.