Attraction and love in human relationships

Attraction & Love

The song that is one of my favorite love songs is "Unchained Melody"; Alex North wrote the music and Hy Zaret wrote the lyrics in 1955. Several artists recorded the song (including Al Hibbler, who had a #3 top 40 hit; Ricky Nelson, Roy Orbison, the Supremes, and many more). In 1965 the Righteous Brothers had a huge hit with that song, and it became even more famous when it was used in the 1990 film "Ghost."

The kind of love that is exhibited in this song that is closest to Robert Sternberg's eight types of love is "Romantic Love" because the song is all about how much the singer loves the person (in this case a woman), is crazily wildly passionately in love with her, is terribly lonely because he doesn't have her in his life -- and yet he does not have a commitment from her. And as much as he wants to be close to her he can't because she is not available to him.

"I've hungered, hungered for your touch, a Long, lonely time," he says, so the listener knows this is a man pining, hoping, urging action on her part, but clearly there has been no decision on her part, or at least she is so far away it is not a relationship that can be consummated at this time.

"Oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch, a long, lonely time," he sings. "…Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much, are you still mine?" The romantic love contains intimacy and passion, but no decision or commitment, so according to Sternberg this has to be Romantic Love.

The intimacy in this case is not physical intimacy, it's the revealing of intimate passion and desire for one's love. "I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me!" When a lover practically begs his sweetheart (or the one he desires) to show love, it is intimate. When a lover invokes God into the picture -- that is serious, passionate emotional stuff.

Loneliness plays a big part in this song. Rivers are lonely as they flow to the sea, and rivers even talk, "wait for me, wait for me," so when rivers are lonely that means the singer has personified the water to reflect his own sorry and aching heart. Regarding the emotion of loneliness, in Chapter 9, the author references the theory of Peplau & Perlman (1982), which seems an understatement in this song. "Loneliness is triggered by a discrepancy between the level of social contact a person has" (in this case, the singer has zero social contact and doesn't really want any except the person he desires) "and the level he or she wants." In this song he wants her touch so desperately he uses the metaphor of a "lonely river" that flows "to the open arms of the sea." The level he wants is close enough to be touched, to satisfy his hunger.

So, if a mere river (that happens to be lonely like the singer) is flowing to the sea and the sea is waiting there with open arms, he wants to know why he can't just flow to the sea of her warm loving and open arms. Cacioppo & Patrick (2008) suggest loneliness is to feel "deprived of human social connections" and he might in fact be depriving himself of any contact because he misses her so much.