Raise Our Boys and Girls

¶ … Raise Our Boys and Girls to Avoid Gender Conflicts

Better ways to raise boys and girls to avoid gender conflicts

First and foremost, practice what you preach. In other words, the best way to raise children to avoid gender conflicts is to create a household run on gender-equitable terms and to show a good example. Conservative estimates suggest that despite the gains that women have made in the workplace and even in two-career households, husbands shoulder only 39% of the household chores (Shellenbarger, 2005). No matter how much it may be stressed to both male and female children that the genders are the same, if parents do not treat one another with dignity and respect, which includes sharing the burden of chores, children will not learn this important message.

Parents should avoid sexual stereotyping when allocating chores to set a good example for the next generation. So is not reinforcing sexual stereotypes in jokes or comments, however humorously intended, when talking to the children. Let boys cook and girls wash the dishes. Let girls help tidy up the yard. Don't reinforce sexual stereotypes in terms of limiting activities that the children participate in after school, or with the family. Let the children see that mom can fix a toilet and dad can cook pancakes on Sunday. This will demonstrate that the other gender is not an alien species, and that men and women are both capable of many things.

Not denigrating certain tasks or interests as inherently female is important, for both men and women. Housework that is traditionally feminine in our cultural terms, such as washing the floors, should not be rewarded with greater praise or significance than mowing the law, a traditionally masculine task. Girls and boys should have positive associations regarding their ability to perform diverse capabilities, and not feel limited by their gender. The more positively children see themselves, the more likely they are able to articulate themselves in assertive, not aggressive or passive ways, with the opposite gender. These positive associations will be reinforced by seeing their parents speak in positive terms about the other gender and performing tasks and capabilities that are seen as masculine and feminine in our culture.