Correcting tone and clarity in business correspondence

Business Writing

Wrong Sentence

Something is obviously wrong in your head office. They have once more sent me the wrong model number. Can they ever get things straight?

Correct Sentence

The model number sent to me from your head office is, once again, incorrect. This is the second time I am receiving the wrong model number from the said office. Please address the issue promptly.

Wrong Sentence

My instructor wants me to do a term paper on safety regulations at a small plant. Since you are the manager of a small plant, send me all the information I need at once. My grade depends heavily on all this

Wrong Sentence 4

I was wondering if you could possibly see your way into sending me the local chapter president's name and address if you have the time, that is.

Correct Sentence 4

Please send me the local chapter president's name and address. Thank you for your time.

Wrong Sentence 5

I have waited for my confirmation for two weeks now. Do you expect me to wait forever, or can I get some action?

Correct Sentence 5

Please update me on the status of my confirmation.

Wrong Sentence 6

It goes without saying that we cannot honor your request

Correct Sentence 6

We regret to inform you that your request cannot be honored at this time.

Wrong Sentence 7

May I take just a moment of your valuable time to point out that our house for the next three weeks will change, and we trust and pray that no one in your agency will be terribly inconvenienced by this.

Correct Sentence 7

This is just to notify you that we shall be changing our house for the coming three weeks. We greatly regret any inconveniences caused. Thank you.

Wrong Sentence 8

Your application has been received and will be kept on the file for six months. If we are interested in you, we will notify you. If you do not hear from us, please do not write us again.

Correct Sentence 8

This is just to notify you that your application was successfully received. If you do not hear from us within the next few days, please consider your application unsuccessful. Your application will, however, be kept on file and you may be contacted in the future, depending on the availability of openings that match your competencies. Thank you.

Wrong Sentence 9

My past performance as a medical technologist has left nothing to be desired.

Correct Sentence 9

My service as a medical technologist has not been without its challenges. I, however, plan to take the necessary steps to enhance my performance going forward.

Wrong Sentence 10

Credit means a lot to some people. But obviously you do not care about yours. If you did, you would have sent us the $249.95 you rightfully owe us three months ago. What's wrong with you?

Correct Sentence 10

We trust and believe that the significant success your firm enjoys has been built on sound and mutually beneficial relations with customers. It is on the strength of this that we have confidence you will honor the $249.95 your firm rightfully owes us for a deal done three months ago. Your response on this issue will be appreciated.