The ChaConnie in “Where Are You Going Where Have You Been ”

Comparing and Contrasting Fiction and Real Life:
The Character of Connie in “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?”
by Joyce Carol Oates
The fate of the character of Connie in Joyce Carol Oates has always seemed particularly poignant to me, because she reminds me of one of my close friends from high school. Connie is a beautiful young woman who, for a brief period in her life, feels powerful because of the beauty she has and the hold it seems to give her over other people. She comes across as sexually aware and self-confident. But she looks much older than she is and when she attracts the attention of the wrong sort of man, it is implied that she comes to a tragic end at the conclusion of the story. Fortunately, my friend never met an Arnold Friend-style character. But she did often attract attention from older men. Because she did not want to hurt their feelings, she was afraid to strongly rebuff them.
The character of Connie in Oates’ story is admittedly less likeable than my friend. Connie has a less attractive older sister June. Unlike June, Connie refuses to help out at home and complains about her mother to her friends, “She makes me want to throw up sometimes," she complains (Oates 1). Because she is more attractive than her older mother, Connie believes she holds the upper hand in the relationship, much like she does with June, and although Connie’s mother nags her, she really does not know how to manage her daughter and make her listen to her. She resents her daughter, but her anger merely drives her daughter away from adult authority.
In the case of my friend, her relationship with her parents was strong. But sometimes strange adults would make comments, such as asking if she had a boyfriend, or even flirting with her in an appropriate way. Although I did not realize it at the time, I think it seems like a strange way for an adult to behave to any age of teenager, given that a teen is still technically a child and the adult is in a position of trust. Oates’ story and my friend’s experience highlights how when a teenager, particularly a beautiful teenage girl, looks older, adults can forget the responsibility they have as adults. Just because someone looks a certain age on the outside does not mean that they are unusually mature. Connie in the story clearly believes she is mature and should be able to do what she wants because older boys find her attractive. My friend was merely made uncomfortable by unwanted adult attention, but it still left a mark upon her childhood.
Although Connie enjoys attention from boys, her obsession with her physical appearance really is evidence of deep insecurity. She only feels as if she has value based upon how she looks and the approval of others. Her innocence is evident when she describes an encounter with a boy her age: “…how nice he had been, how sweet it always was, not the way someone like June would suppose but sweet, gentle, the way it was in movies and promised in songs” (Oates 2). Even if Connie is sexually aware and experimenting, she still wants love. The culture around her promises her love if she is a good girl and passively obeys men. This message leads her astray when, almost as if she has no will of her own, she lets the evil Arnold Friend into her home, even though he is much older than Connie and she is frightened.
My friend was never threatened by an older man. But she was a people pleaser and very insecure about her appearance, even though she was beautiful. She sometimes felt as though she had no value other than her beauty, and made self-depreciating remarks about her intelligence. Connie and my friend are reminders of the importance of the need to validate young girls in ways that have nothing to do with their appearance. And to teach them it is better to hurt a man’s feelings than to compromise their own, or to put themselves in harm’s way.

Works Cited
Oates, Joyce Carol. “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” Web. February 22, 2019.
https://www.cusd200.org/cms/lib/IL01001538/Centricity/Domain/361/oates_going.pdf