Child sexual abuse: prevalence, impact, and prevention

Child sexual abuse is a common occurrence. We recently talked about the Jerry Sandusky case, and then there was the Roman Polanski sexual abuse case, too. Dateline NBC premiered with their reality American show series to Catch a Predator with Chris Hansen, whilst Catholic priests have achieved notoriety for molesting their under-age parishioners.

I know a story of child sexual abuse in my community. Let's call her Mary.

Mary had a history of child sexual abuse starting from about four years old. Her grandfather used to take her aside to a private room and play a game with her where he tickled her until she found it hard to stop giggling. She wondered why part of his game consisted of his somehow finding his way up her vagina and tickling her there too. When she wriggled, he said 'oops' and Mary thought he made a mistake.

When Mary was ten, she was playing Barbie dolls with her friend, Susan. The father entered Susan's bedroom, asked Susan to perform some shopping errand, pushed Mary back on the bed and fondled her breasts. All the while, he was saying "mmmmmmm," as though he were describing some golf game that he was playing or pleasant movie he was watching. When Susan returned, Mary told her she felt ill and had to go home.

Mary's first introduction to the disinclination of others to accept her stories came when she informed her mother of the incident. Her mother was ironing some shirts and Mary blurted out: "Mom. Mr. H. touched my breasts." Her mother looked at her, shook her head and said, "Come on, he wouldn't do a thing like that." And she repeated, "He's religious. He would never do a thing like that."

The conversation ended. Her mother returned to her ironing, and Mary, almost eleven and turning a woman felt, for the first time, that she was alone in the world.

When Mary was twelve, her cousin, Felix, coming back early from services trapped her in her room, locked the door, ripped off her pants, put his hand over her mouth, and inserted his penis in her. He raped her. She became pregnant and miscarried into the toilet. She didn't; even know she was pregnant and learned only later that what came out of her that day was a potential human.

Mary grew up defiant and rebellious. Her teachers called her difficult, stupid, and bad-tempered. Her schoolmates ridiculed her and she withdrew into herself. Taking therapy many years later, she would describe herself as being lonely, confused, angry, scared, and depressed.

Today, Mary shares her experiences publicly with many of the children from her community telling them to speak out when anyone -- even if it be a member of their family touches them in their private parts. Silence, she says, is supposed to be golden. It isn't always, she urges. Nor is abuse. When abuse happens, you should speak out. And she goes on to describe her experiences.

I found Mary's story particularly disturbing. Most of the other stories that I have heard about or read -- well, they have occurred to others and seem to happen in some safe place 'somewhere else'. Mary, however, is a respected trusted person in my community, and I know her well. I know members of her family and find it hard to believe that they would ever victimize vulnerable and innocent four-year-olds. but, then again, many of us are unwilling to accept the evils of the world. Mary's mother refused to believe her. And Mary felt betrayed as a result.