Cohabitation Living Together Before Marriage Has Become

Cohabitation

Living together before marriage has become so commonplace that many may think of it as a natural step in the evolution of a relationship. In fact, many people believe that it offers benefits because cohabitating couples can share expenses, test-drive marriage, and not be burdened with a divorce if the relationship fails. For many, it seems like cohabitation offers the benefits of marriage without the drawbacks. I disagree. I believe that cohabitating prior to marriage is harmful to a relationship, not only because it reduces the likelihood of an eventual marriage and increases the likelihood of divorce, but also because of attendant social dangers. My position on cohabitation is not a popular one among people in my age group, and, given that some people are unable to marry their romantic partners, is not universally applicable. However, I think that my position is supported by substantial evidence that cohabitation does not provide the same social structures as marriage.

One of the main reasons people cite when advocating for cohabitation is that, by allowing partners to "test-drive" the marriage, it increases the likelihood that people will only marry those with whom they are compatible, thus reducing their overall risk of divorce. Unfortunately, the evidence simply does not support that idea. Instead of reducing the likelihood of a divorce, people who live together before marriage have an increased likelihood of divorce. Moreover, the likelihood of an eventual divorce or breakup seems linked to the length of time of the couple cohabitated prior to the marriage (Popenoe & Whitehead, 2002).

In addition to increasing the likelihood that a couple will eventually break-up, cohabitation is linked to less healthy relationships. "Living together outside of marriage increases the risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children" (Popenoe & Whitehead, 2002). While the risks to women are significant, the risks for children are even more dramatic. "Cohabiting parents break up at a much higher rate than married parents and the effects of breakup can be devastating and often long lasting. Moreover, children living in cohabiting unions are at higher risk of sexual abuse and physical violence, including lethal violence, than are children living with married parents" (Popenoe & Whitehead, 1999).

Furthermore, it is important to keep in mind that marriage has benefits, both tangible and intangible, that cohabitation does not. The tangible benefits include spousal eligibility for employer-sponsored health insurance, community property laws, social security benefits, and other benefits that only apply to married couples. The intangible benefits are more difficult to quantify, however, "unmarried couples have lower levels of happiness and well-being than married couples" (Popenoe & Whitehead, 2002).