Combination of Modern and Postmodern Bereavement Theory Explain and Contrast

¶ … Postmodern Bereavement Theory

Bereavement is a universal observable fact as every human being experiences the loss of a loved one at some point in his/her life. However, every individual experiences it in a unique way. It is, without a doubt, an undeniable truth that to be human is to grieve. The passing away of a loved one can be difficult, irresistible and dreadful for any normal individual. When people are faced with such overwhelming situations, a majority of them especially the older adults get into the habit of enduring their loss with time. On the other hand, to forget and live without a loved one is not as easy for some individuals. It becomes difficult for these people to cope up with the grief-stricken situations as they experience a grief of greater concentration or time (Hansson & Stroebe, 2007). There are a number of theorists who have put forwarded their views regarding grief, mourning and bereavement since the study of psychology has started. The most significant theorist among them is Freud who was the first to present a modern view of grief in his theories.

In this paper, I would present both modernist and postmodernist views regarding grief and bereavement. My main purpose would be to present a contrast between the modern and postmodern theories of bereavement. Above all, I intend to dispute with one of the aspects of Freud's modern grief theory. I would oppose the modernist belief that in order to live a healthy life, an individual must completely end his/her relationship with the loved ones who have departed to another world. I would present an argument opposing their belief that an individual cannot live a healthy, satisfied and comfortable life if he/she continues to grieve over the lost ones and be in divine connection with them. In contrast to the Freudian belief, I would support the post modern view of grief hypothesized by John Bowlby & Mary Ainsworth. I would show my agreement with these prominent theorists and their follower theorists others who follow them. I would support their belief that it is really important for an individual to continue to have a relationship with the loved ones who have died as it assures a good life. According to the post-modernists, it is perfectly normal and truly understandable if an individual remains remember and be in connection with the demised. It is exceedingly important because in many situations, great harm can be done to an individual who is compelled to let go or forget about his/her lost loved ones.

I would also include the "Relationship Questionnaire (RQ)" structured by Horowitz and Bartholomew in the end of this paper to present another aspect of the postmodern theory of bereavement. These two theorists have extended the postmodern theory, especially one postulated by Bowlby and Ainsworth, in their work.

What is Bereavement?

Bereavement, in fact, is the term used to describe the condition when we lose someone or something. Bereavement is sometimes defined as a stretch of time, process or particular acts linked with the loss or losses. According to Tom Attig, a well-known philosopher, "When those we love die, we embark on a difficult journey of the heart. We begin by suffering bereavement. We 'suffer' in the sense that we have been deprived of someone we love" (as qtd. In Hedtke, 2010).

Modernist Theory of Bereavement

According to the grief work hypothesis of the modernist bereavement theory, grief is required to be fully worked through. It advocates the idea that all of the stages and tasks of grief must be completed and all of its negative feelings must be dealt with. It goes on to emphasize that grief is an intra-psychic process and the individual going through the sorrowful feelings is the only one who journeys alone along the path. This hypothesis also concludes that grief is time controlled and has a clear beginning and a clear end. Finally, this hypothesis makes it essential for the individual to end the grief process by destroying all the bonds with the dead. In simple words, the modernist bereavement theory suggests that recovery is attained only when mourning is done according to prescription.

The modernist paradigm of bereavement theory has strong epistemological roots that grow out of logical positivism. This epistemology puts its main focus on scientific reasonableness, goal-directness, and effectiveness; putting aside the emotional connectivity. Philosophically, logical positivism rests on empiricism, which, as According to Silverman and Klass (1996) empiricism supports logical positivism in a philosophical way and "sees a rational order in the world, with one fact leading to another" (p. 21). Empiricism, if applied to bereavement leads to the assumption that supreme truths about the manner human beings grieve can be distinguished through scientific investigation (Rosenblatt, 1996).

According to modernist hypothesis of grief work, bereavement is a scientific truth. Since the beginning of the 20th century, this hypothesis that has been developed from logical positivism has dominated bereavement research and clinical practice.

Freud's Severance of Bonds to the Deceased Bereavement Theory

The modern psychological research has been comprehensively influenced by the contributions of Freud in the field of psychology. As far as the bereavement and grief are concerned, Freud believes that it is healthy and important for the betterment of an individual to split any spiritual bonds with the deceased loved one. He firmly believes that it is an abnormal act to prolong and maintain any bonds with the loved ones who have left the world forever. His theory speculates that those who have died are basically a non-existent object and any connection with them is just out of question for a normal individual (Hogan & Schmidt, 2009). He thinks of mourning as a reaction to a loved one's loss or association to an inspiration. He goes on to suggest that the process of grieving should have an end point and that people should become capable of triumphing over their grief and bereavement and disconnect from the people who have passed away. As already discussed, Freud believes that it is an abnormal reaction to grieve over a long period of time on the loss of a loved one. He refers to this state of affairs as a departure from reality and unreasonable condition. He repeatedly links grieving to an abnormal state of mind in his work (Hedtke, 2010).

Just about every human being experiences the hurt of losing a loved one. Some people lose their parents whereas some endure the sorrow of parting away from their spouse, children or friends. Death is a universal truth and nobody has the power to change or run away from this reality. The best approach in such a distressing situation is to accept this reality because life goes on even when a loved one is lost. It is absolutely normal that losing a loved one results in an instantaneous upsetting reaction that is followed by a feeling of melancholy and grief. Every now and then, one observes bereaved individuals who lose interest in the outside world and activities often resorting to detachment and social abandonment. Furthermore, people appear to experience a diminished sense of worth as it is directly associated with their attachment with the person who is deceased. The bereaved become unable to love others because it is not easy for them to replace the lost person with a new one and develop close relationships with other people. However, it takes time to accept the authenticity of death and get used to the nonexistence of the loved one. Quite the opposite, some people continue to experience this stage of sorrow with other extreme symptoms. Such a condition is better theorized by Sigmund Freud (Freud, 1917).

Mourning and Melancholia by Freud was one of the first works in which he dealt with grief and made a distinction between grief and depression. He coined the term "grief work" as he believed that "mourning was essentially a task in which the libido's energy is taken away from the lost loved one and redirected to another area or person in life" (Doughty & Hoskins, 2011). He held on to the assumption that people are required to break any connection with the deceased for achieving a healthy resolution to their grief. The modernist view of bereavement introduced by Freud suggested that grief had a distinctive concluding point that allows the bereaved to forget the past and move forward with life without reminiscence (Rosenblatt, 1996). In addition, he was of the belief that the bereaved must concentrate on each remembrance and expectation associated to the departed so that the loss can be resolved. For all intents and purposes, "grief work" was perceived as an emotional catharsis in which the grieving individual must emotionally let go of his/her grief. He concluded that the failure of such efforts leads to the development of melancholia or depression (Weiss, 2001). Regardless of his contributions to theorize grief, many 20th century researchers refuse the Freudian assumption that emotional catharsis for dealing with grief is not essentially a helpful tactic for everyone although many may benefit from it. In particular, it has been revealed that a number of bereaved individuals come out of grief when their emotions were suppressed or methods of distraction were employed (Bonanno, Keltner, Holen, & Horowitz, 1995). A majority of people use both sentimental and cognitive behavioral strategies for loss management. For that reason, a conventional emphasis on emotionally cathartic grief work may possibly make the matters worse for individuals who use other cognitive/behavioral strategies. An emotional catharsis strategy, as introduced by Freud, can complicate the natural grieving process of a bereaved individual rather than helping him/her out (Doughty & Hoskins, 2011).

Freudian theories regarding grief have been often criticized by several scholars especially those who support the postmodernist views on bereavement. However, despite the criticism, the Freud's theories hold value, are applicable, taught and practiced at institutes and at the therapeutic sessions to treat patients. Losing a loved one is a truth which is experienced by every individual at some point of his life. Despite this loss and sorrow, life goes on. Although it is difficult and almost uncertain to accept this reality or replace the object of loss with someone else, a person has to move on and continue developing other relationships. Those fixated at this stage face trouble in functioning and suffer from a low self-esteem, the inability to love and lack of interest towards the world. These people often accuse themselves of the bad and become highly critical and negative about their own selves. At times, these symptoms are often accompanied with hallucinating about the presence of the lost object of love. This is the whole idea that has been explained by Freud who proposes that with time, a person gets over the stage of mourning. In addition, he is able to invest the psychic energy into a new object of attachment and move on. However, on the other hand, the person experiencing melancholia must be treated so that he can lead a normal life.

The Evolution of Postmodern Grief/Bereavement Theory

Postmodern grief/bereavement theories have grown out from a social constructionist contemplation and perception of the world. This sort of understanding presumes that the world is understood by human by what they believe to be correct, matter-of-fact and reasonable. The people behind writing about bereavement, grief and mourning have constructed their own truths in different ways. This, at the end of the day, has led to the postmodern understanding that there are a lot of truths about any given aspect. Every writer and theorist have postulated what he/she believed to be true within the context of their particular communal and past background, unique experiences, and special expression and insight. The postmodernists have given particular meanings of the deceased's life, death, and relationships. They have then reflected over the grieving process of the bereaved (Walter & McCoyd, 2009).

Dennis Klass, Phyllis R. Silverman, Steven L. Nickman, Stroebe and Michel Foucault are the most prominent grief/bereavement postmodern authors, theorists and practitioners. All of these intellectuals believe that it is not essential for a bereaved individual to end grieving and become separated from the dead loved ones for living a healthy and satisfying life. They have also concluded that the process of continuing bonds is helpful for the bereaved to work through the grief process. It is important to state here that the mentioned people are inspired by the works of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth whose Attachment Theory works as a beacon light for understanding the post modern bereavement theories (Walter & McCoyd, 2009). Therefore, before continuing to discuss the post-modern bereavement theories such as Continuing Bonds, Dual Process etc., it is very important to go through and understand the work of John Bowlby in this regard.

Even though the study of mourning was initiated by Sigmund Freud, it has been in the last 3 decades or so that that any real concern has been given to the bereavement research. A number of new models and insights have been structured and presented by the modern researchers to lead and be of assistance to the bereaved. The question is: why all these models are required now because people have been bereaved since the beginning of the human life? No models were used by people in the previous times to get recovered from the bereavement. They did so without any help or therapy. The answer is simple. The researchers have now found out that "the grief reactions can have physical, emotional, cognitive, behavioural, sexual and spiritual components, varying in length and disruptiveness" (Dent, 2005). Therefore, it has now become essential to help the bereaved by utilizing different models and theories and let them go of the grief but not persuading them to sever any connection with the lost loved ones.

In order to understand the basis of bereavement, John Bowlby's Attachment Theory is really important. In it, he has provided an account for the ordinary individual affinity to build up strong warming, affectionate and loving bonds. In his view, attachment is a give-and-take relationship whose occurrence is dependent on the long-term interactions. These attachments start during the early years between a child and his/her parents/guardians. According to Bowlby, grief is an inherent universal reaction to disconnection. He is seconded by Collin Murray Parkes (a British psychiatrist and author of several books regarding bereavement/grief) in suggesting that "grief is a predictable orderly pattern of responses to a death" (Dent, 2005). Parkes views grief as a process. He presumes that grief is a series of reactions due to the death of a close person.

Four Tasks of Grief

William J. Worden is another theorist who came up with a somewhat different model of grieving as compared with those formulated by Bowlby and Parkes. In this model, he describes grief as a process instead of viewing it as a state. Worden suggests that bereaved people require to work through their reactions so that they can be completely adjusted to the present. He believes that there are four overlapping tasks that a grieved person must perform. he/she is first required "to work through the emotional pain of their loss while at the same time adjusting to changes in their circumstances, roles, status and identity" (Dent, 2005). In simple words, the first task is to accept the reality that a loved one has been lost. The second task is to progress through the pain of grief. The third task requires one to adjust to the world without the departed loved one by his/her side. The last task is to discover a continuing relationship with the dead in the midst of getting hold of a new life. These tasks are seen as completed provided that the bereaved person has managed to make the loss a part of his/her life and set free any kind of emotional attachment to the departed loved one.

Dual Process Model

Stroebe and Schut developed the advanced grief model of the modern times known as the Dual Process Model. They are of the view that it completely depends on the circumstances whether avoiding grief would be supportive or injurious for an individual. In short, the dual process model acknowledges that it is important for the feelings to be expressed or controlled. Therefore, this model paves way for a new concept of coping with behavior, emotions and sentiments. Grief is thus referred to as a self-motivated process which simultaneously allows focusing on the loss of a loved one and avoiding that focus. The model also emphasizes on the notion that letting go the pain of grief can help a bereaved person to cope with his/her daily life in a better way (Dent, 2005).

Kubler-Ross Model

The five-staged model developed by Kubler-Ross is another significant model that has been extensively publicized and discussed. Those 5 stages are rejection, resentment, bargaining, melancholy and recognition. All these stages occur one after the other. Truly or not, this model explains the consequences of any unexpected depressing change. She also rejects the ideas of disconnection postulated by Freud and claims that everyone has a right to grieve and no one take it away from oneself (Dent, 2005).

Continuing bonds

Dennis Klass has worked as a professor at the Webster University and has been involved in the study of bereavement since 1968. Silverman has been working with the bereaved for the past four decades and has worked with Harvard/MGH Child Bereavement Study. On the other hand, Nickman has been involved with the adoptees and their families for more than two decades (Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996).

Continuing Bonds is an important development in grief theory. Klass, Silverman and Nickman were the ones who challenged the conservative thinking regarding grief's purpose. They simply rejected the conformist concept that "the purpose of grieving was the reconstitution of an autonomous individual who could leave the deceased behind and form new attachments, in other words, 'break the bonds' with the deceased" (Dent, 2005). According to the three post-modern theorists, the purpose of grieving is not to cut the bond with the loved one. Instead, it is important to maintain a continuing bond with the departed loved one and to be in healthy relationships with the others still alive. In short, the Continuing Bonds to the Deceased Bereavement Theory postulates that it is absolutely normal and not at all pathological (as suggested by Freud) for bereaved young people and grown-ups to keep up and preserve an attachment to the deceased. The deceased are, in no way, seen as a non-existent object (Hogan & Schmidt, 2009). To cut a long story short, people can continue to uphold and maintain a relationship with the deceased. This kind of relationship is perfectly understandable as it also helps in the individual's growth and behavior modification.

Thus, Klass and colleagues have challenged the concept that separating oneself from the deceased or lost one should be the ultimate goal. Instead, they emphasize that it is to completely human to be bonded with the significant people in our lives, even after their death. The three colleagues mutually agree that "the resolution of grief involves continuing bonds that survivors maintain with the deceased and that these continuing bonds can be a healthy part of the survivor's on-going life" (Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996).

It is worth mentioning that most models of grief including the Dual Process, Four Tasks of Grief and Kubler-Ross 5 staged-model support the idea of Continuing Bonds. All these post-modern theories of bereavement unanimously advocate that the bereaved are required to connect with their loss and work through the pain of grief. They propose so because only then life can be reorganized, contented and momentous all over again. To cut a long story short, the tasks of bereavement put forwarded by Worden offer an outline to lead the bereaved in their grief work. On the other hand, the dual process model reveals and emphasizes on the need to cope up with the minor stresses as well as the principal loss. It is also essential to be aware of the fact that the bereaved do not need to stop thinking about and leave the dead behind. They must be given enough space to integrate the lost loved ones into their future lives through a continuing bond (Dent, 2005).

It is also to be remembered that a grieved person has a number of rights that must not be snatched away from him/her. Such people hold the right to experience their distinctive grief and to talk about it. They have the right to undergo a large number of sentiments and feelings. They also have the right to be understandable and forbearing of their physical and emotional limits. Moreover, they hold the right to experience grief bursts and hold close to their spiritual side. Moreover, they have the right to rummage around for sense and meaning and to treasure their unique memories. Last but not the least, every bereaved individual has the right to move toward his/her grief and heal eventually (Hedtke, 2010).

As far as my point-of-view is concerned, I strongly believe that every bereaved person is exceptional and holds the capability to deal with the loss of a significant companion in his/her own way. Therefore, as a supporter of the Continuing Bonds Theory, I can only comprehend that there is no one correct or incorrect way to mourn or grieve. The most essential thing in this regard is to find out the best ways to help a bereaved person. All models of grieving have a mixture of elements that may be supportive and useful for a bereaved person. Therefore, I don't think that a single model can be recommended to help out a person working through his/her grief. As far as my understanding is concerned, I am not concerned about any model. What I believe is that whatever model is used, the most important thing is to support a bereaved person by being with him/her in order to help. One must listen to their conversations and stories attentively and absorbedly. It is exceedingly important to acknowledge the feelings of a bereaved individual and guide him/her to work towards a new, special and evocative life without the dead ones. However, they must never be asked to sever their connection with the departed people they loved and love.