Memoir commentary and critical analysis

¶ … Hummingbird

The introduction offers the outstanding metaphors of the hummingbird and the trees, as symbols of a more natural, pure world. Details including the cookies, Baldy, and other people at the coffee shop help to ground the reader. However, the narrative quickly becomes narcissistic. Too much self-reflection isolates the reader rather than drawing the reader into the story. The anecdote drags, and the reader wonders where the story is going and what, if anything, the point is. Nice turns of phrase like "anorexic trees" do not rescue a boring narrative. The dream sequence that comes next, replete with the imagery of falling, could be poignant if explored more in depth. Instead the sequence comes across as a lazy means of rescuing a failing narrative. Like the rest of the memoir it has no purpose, either. The dream sequence is interjected in the middle of two disparate segments of text. Nothing adds up or amounts to anything here. Imagery related to food and eating comes out of nowhere, too, and also goes nowhere. There are vague references to drug and food addiction, but the writer never comes right out and talks about it. Anger and emotions are mentioned but not explored. The hummingbird imagery that initiates the memoir is gone, replaced by a few choice metaphors and similes that the writer apparently seems to mistake for genuinely good writing. This memoir needs a lot of help if it is to grow into something worth reading.

For this memoir to improve, the writer must make the reader care much more about herself and about what is going on. It's nice to have good metaphors and similes; they are essential in any prose that attempts to be lyrical. However, no one wants to read a memoir about a random human being unless that memoir is interesting. This memoir has nothing interesting in it, save for a few well-composed phrases. The writer might be better off sticking with song writing or poetry, rather than narrative. There are no characters the reader can latch onto and care about. The narrator is concerned only with describing little bits and pieces of life, without offering up a substantial enough slice to feel satisfied.

Memoir 2: "Single"

The first sentence is great because it is written in plain language. The second sentence needs some work, as "The cigarette I hold in my right hand" would be better phrased more simply as "The cigarette in my right hand." The three empty rhetorical questions in the opening paragraph need to be edited and cut into one. Rhetorical questions are often a sign of laziness in writing.

However, the minor issues with sentence composition and grammar are quickly dispelled by what is actually a compelling narrative. The reader genuinely cares about the character as soon as we learn that a breakup has occurred. Empathy and sadness draw the reader in. The dimension of multiple sexual orientations, too, enhances the issues related to romantic relationships and the narrative becomes more complex than it seemed at first. Drugs and addiction issues also make the reader want to learn more about the speaker and her friends.

This memoir has the potential to become a complete novel, if the characters are developed and the plot is planned out. Readers need to see themselves mirrored in their characters. All readers can find something to relate to here, when it comes to the sting of rejection, the nihilism of finding oneself at a young age, and the desire to obliterate the mind using any means possible. One line is especially compelling: "From time to time I think about sending her a text, calling her on the phone, but I refrain for fear of looking pitiful. I don't want her to know the truth, that I ache for her." All readers who have been in love, especially in unrequited love, know the deep ache of longing that attends to obsession with another. When that obsession is unfulfilled, it hurts like hell. It is refreshing to read a memoir that addresses this issue.

Memoir 3: Above All, Family: A Family of Nine

The author of this memoir has a distinct writing style, which is poetic and descriptive. Although she could use some editing, the overall effect is impressive. Frequent parallelisms and multiple clauses separated by commas characterize the style of writing. Sometimes it seems that the author might be deliberately disobeying the rules of grammar for effect as with: "My tummy hurt from the ongoing shaking of its muscles, I reached for it in an effort to ease the ache." However, it is difficult to tell whether she is doing so purposely or not. There are several flaws that would benefit from polishing the prose, but the imagery and tone are pleasant.

Ultimately, the main flaw with this prose is that it has no point. The author seems caught up more in describing nebulous emotional states rather than on making a statement about deeper issues. The description of the laughter at the beginning of the passage is fun for a few sentences, but then the reader becomes fatigued. There is no sense that we are learning anything about the character, or about ourselves. The writer needs to clarify the purpose of the memoir before it would be possible to improve the writing.

The memoir is effective in that it does capture the author's feelings about her family and role within it. These are touching memories, and there are nice lyrical passages full of multisensory imagery. It is clear the author enjoyed writing the piece. I would like to learn more about the parts of her life that take place in Peru, and it would be helpful too if the author developed the characters more by getting outside of her head and into the mind of the reader.

Memoir 4 "One'

One of the passages at the beginning of this memoir is poignant, that of the boyfriend who "does that thing." The boyfriend "eaches back and starts smoothing the hair on the back of his head. I'm sure it's unconscious, this self-soothing move, but he does it when he's uncomfortable or nervous." The phrase "self-soothing move" is poetic because it has both alliteration and internal rhyming. It also reveals deep insight and awareness of body language and human communication, which is the essence of good storytelling and character development.