Communication style differences between Charlie and Raymond in Rain Man

Clash of Communication Styles

Communication Paper

The Clash of Communication Styles in the Movie Rain Man

Communication styles are very important, both in personal interactions and in business dealings (David & DeAlwis, 2010). While there are many parts of life where communication is represented, one of the most common areas is through the interactions between siblings and other family members. It is in those relationships with relatives that many people first learn to speak and express themselves, and where some people learn that they must guard their communication based on the reactions of others (David & DeAlwis, 2010). For people who have disabilities, interactions and communication can be more difficult -- but those same people still have the desire to communicate. This can lead to a class of communication styles, especially between relatives who do not know one another that well or between those who struggle to communicate and those who have poor communication skills in general. One film where this clash is easily seen, and the film that will be analyzed here, is Rain Man. The goal of this paper is to carefully analyze the communication (and lack of it) between the two main characters, in order to provide the reader with information on the way communication styles differ between the average person and someone who is autistic. The paper will illustrate the differences in communication styles, as well as how these styles can be adjusted to work better together. While those who have autism may communicate differently, the movie Rain Man clearly shows that they have much to offer to the world and that communication with them is very possible in meaningful ways. The main points of this paper will address interpersonal communication and miscommunication, as well as the different ways communication can be used in a relationship where both people have very different ways of providing information to others.

The film Rain Man follows the story of Charlie Babbitt (played by Tom Cruise), and Raymond (Dustin Hoffman). While they both have the same father, Charlie does not know of Raymond's existence until their father dies and leaves all of his money to Raymond (Rain Man, 1988). Charlie is a selfish, abrasive person, and Raymond is an autistic savant. When Charlie learns that his late father's money is all going to a mental institution to care for Raymond, he decides he is owed half of his father's estate (Rain Man, 1988). He goes to Ohio to get Raymond and bring him back to Los Angeles to meet with lawyers. Originally, Charlie was only interested in the money he believed he was owed, and thought Raymond's autism was being faked. He also used Raymond's savant abilities to count cards in Las Vegas, and found other ways to use him (Rain Man, 1988). Eventually, Charlie realizes that Raymond is the protective figure he remembers from his early childhood. He called the figure "Rain Man," and had convinced himself the figure was an imaginary friend and not real (Rain Man, 1988). Through spending time with Raymond and coming to truly understand his autism, he learns to love Raymond and becomes protective of him. He decides he does not want the money after all, and wants to care for Raymond -- but Raymond cannot decide what he wants, and his care is more than Charlie can handle. The film ends with Raymond in proper care, and Charlie promises to visit him in two weeks (Rain Man, 1988).

The Significance of Non-Verbal Communication

Self-disclosure is not the only important communication issue in the film. Another very important consideration is non-verbal communication and the meaning behind the things that go unsaid. This is seen more in Raymond than it is in Charlie, because Raymond does not have the ability to express himself the way he would if he did not have autism. However, it is very clear that Raymond is not unintelligent, and that many things matter to him on a deep level. It seems as though he must feel frustration in not being able to communicate with the outside world what he really feels and thinks on the inside. Those who are not able to communicate, or who do so in ways many people may not understand, often suffer in this way (David & DeAlwis, 2010). It can leave them frustrated, depressed, and even angry, because they often feel as though they are at fault for their inability to get their point across or make people understand the kinds of things that are really significant in their lives. Despite that concern, many people who have trouble communicating can learn to do so in new and better ways to which others are receptive. That can help them understand more about their world, as well as the world of others and what it can offer them if they are open to it (Lucas, 2010).

Non-verbal communication manifests itself in a number of ways, and can be anything that does not require language or speech to convey (Richardson & Queen, 2012). People communication non-verbally when they smile at one another, nod, shake hands, or even make an inappropriate gesture. They can also show displeasure by scowling, tapping their foot, or crossing their arms, and they can show they are happy by smiling, pointing to something that matters to them, or providing other expressions of joy that they feel comfortable with (Richardson & Queen, 2012). In the film, non-verbal communication with Raymond is difficult because he generally does not make eye contact unless he is very distressed. By that point, it may be too late to figure out what has upset him and get it stopped before things get any worse. He is not able to convey his concerns verbally in a way that is easily understood, but his non-verbal cues are difficult to read, and that frustrates Charlie very much, especially in the beginning of the movie, when he feels as though Raymond is faking his autism and not really who he claims to be. As more information comes to light, though, Charlie begins to see that there are many non-verbal cues Raymond gives that can be interpreted correctly and can provide Charlie with some measure of understanding.

The Changing Nature of Truth

While Charlie learns a great deal from Raymond, it is also true that Raymond learns from Charlie -- he simply is not able to verbally express it in the same way another person would. Communication must be true in order to be valuable to those who hear it (Lucas, 2010). One could ask, however, about the meaning of truth. Each person's truth is slightly different, based on what he or she believes to be accurate about the world and everything in it. A person's truth can also be changed by information and events, as well. Because that is the case, the truth that Charlie had at the beginning of the film was not the same truth he had at the end of it. For Raymond, the truth also changed -- but not as much because Raymond knew who he was all along. In the autistic mindset Raymond had, things were generally more black and white than they would have been in a more standard mindset, such as the one possessed by Charlie. While having black and white thinking does not work for every scenario, there are times when it can actually be very beneficial, and times when it can serve a person well, because that person knows his or her "truth." (Lucas, 2010).

Raymond tried to care for Charlie when they were both young, but because of his autism it was not possible for that to take place safely. The family felt it would be best for Raymond to be placed in an institution, because he could not safely be around others and could not be left alone. He needed nearly constant supervision, which was not something the family was able to give him. They understood that an institution would be the best place for him, and that was their truth. When Charlie first realized where all of his late father's money was going to go, he was angry and he felt cheated out of his fair share. Once he got to know and understand Raymond, he began to realize that Raymond really was better off in an institution, for his own safety and security, and that it was a better choice for him in the long run. Even though it was not Charlie's truth in the beginning, it became his truth through his own growth and development. A person's truth often changes over a lifetime, especially after a significant or life-altering event takes place (Richardson & Queen, 2012). Once a truth changes it rarely changes back, but it can continue to grow and evolve into something else that is found to be even more valuable in the end. That was the nature of the situation for Charlie, and frequently takes place when people are faced with disability issues in their families.

Conclusion

What is seen throughout this paper and through the movie Rain Man is that communication is not as "easy" as many people think. It is also not something that should be taken for granted, as it can be very complex and difficult for a number of people. For those who are autistic, for example, communication of any type can be difficult. While these people often have rich inner lives, and many of them also have savant abilities, they are not capable of expressing themselves in the same way others do. That can be difficult and frustrating for them, but equally so for those who are attempting to work with and communicate with them. When an autistic person wants to express himself or herself, the way Raymond did in the film, the ways in which they do that are limited and may seem foreign to other people.

Additionally, the lack of expression and interaction, as well as the lack of eye contact, can cause frustration in those who are working with and communicating with the autistic person. The film Rain Man portrayed these kinds of difficulties very well, and was compassionate regarding the struggles autistic people face and how they can be shunned by others -- including their own families. Raymond's father did not even tell Charlie he had a brother, and Charlie was too young to really remember when Raymond was sent to the institution. It begs the question as to whether Raymond's family was ashamed of him, and why they felt the need to hide him from the world and from Charlie. While autistic people are different, they are human beings and they are loved by many of their family members and friends.

These people who care for autistic individuals and want the best for them understand that communication does not have to be identical between people to be meaningful. While those who are autistic do not communicate the same way others do, they still want and need to be heard. Many of them do enjoy at least some interaction, but it has to be on their terms and based on what they can comfortably handle. At Charlie came to terms with this in the movie, he was able to interact with Raymond more easily and came to understand him much better than he did in the past. The love that brothers should have for one another grew from that understanding, and at the end of the movie it was clear that Charlie had his brother's best interests at heart and was no longer interested in just money and material things. Through Raymond, Charlie learned what was truly important in life, and that is the kind of communication that a person cannot get just anywhere.

The value of proper and competent communication cannot be overstated. There are so many areas of life that require communication, and the way a person communicates is not always the same as the way another person would communicate. Because of the differences, many things can be lost in translation. That is especially true with people who have autism or various types of learning or communication disabilities, because they do not react the same way or express themselves the same way as most people would expect. With that in mind, it can be difficult for proper communication to take place unless both people who are parties to that communication are willing to do what it takes to make sure they understand one another properly. In the case of Rain Man, Raymond's autism limited the way he could interact and communicate, and it was up to Charlie to adjust his communication style to work with what Raymond could offer. Regardless of whether a person is autistic, it is very important for a person who wants to communicate properly and well with others to focus on making sure he or she is open to new and different communication styles so interaction can take place. Autistic people are not as able to do that, but those who work with them are -- and they must remember that some people have more limits on how they communicate than others. Despite that, they still want and need to be heard.