Incorrect assumptions regarding the utterances of others often lead to negative interactive elements, such as stress, mismatched expectations and miscommunication. This in turn leads to damaged relationships that could otherwise have functioned well with a simple well-directed question.
According to Walters, self-knowledge is as important as self-management in conversation. This can also be accomplished by questioning. Asking oneself questions leads to a greater knowledge of oneself, as well as the ability to better understand others. When understanding oneself by means of targeted questioning, it is easier to understand others through targeted questioning in conversation. The effect of this is often that the speaker feels understood, that the listener is interested in what he or she is saying.
Susan RoAne suggests becoming what she calls a "talk target," or a person to whom it is particularly easy to talk. As a talk target, communicate with difficult conversationalists become easy by means of oneself offering conversation that is easy to respond to. A talk target is a person who is perfectly open and receptive of the conversations of others; always striving for greater understanding of the other participant. This sense of receptiveness is communicated to other participants, and they more easily open up and communicate the true issues behind the negativity they might initially display.
RoAne suggests several techniques to become a better talk target. The effective talk target puts all participants in a conversation at ease with friendliness, listening skills...
They use the names of the other participants, ask intelligent questions and listen with interest while other participants are talking. These actions all make it easier to communicate with a difficult conversation participant.
In the light of the above, if faced with a difficult person to communicate with, I would follow a number of steps. Firstly, I would try not to make any assumptions regarding what the person is thinking or feeling, especially if his or her initial remarks seem to be personally targeted against me. Secondly, I would respond with the indication that I understand the person's frustration, and ask leading questions to arrive at the underlying issue. As the person is talking, I would continue asking questions in an open and friendly manner. In this way I would attempt to become a talk target and help not only the other participant, but also myself, to become better communicators.
All three authors mentioned above agree that effective communication flows from an open, friendly attitude. This will then be the basis of all my conversations.
Sources
Fenson, Sarah. "A Crash Course in Communication." Inc. magazine. August, 2000. http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html
RoAne, Susan. "Talk Targets: Becoming a magnet." Inc.magazine. April, 2001. http://www.inc.com/articles/2001/09/23385.html
Walters, Jamie. "Powerful Questions can have a Powerful Effect." Inc.magazine. September, 2001. http://www.inc.com/articles/2001/04/22457.html
