Community Outreach Program Volunteer Domestic Violence Shelter

¶ … male entering a domestic violence/battered women's shelter, I was not immediately made to feel welcome. No one embraced me warmly, and more than a few faces revealed not a little bit of suspicion as to what my motives were for being there. However, I was given the opportunity to explain myself. After I registered, received my guest pass, and received a short tour with one of the volunteers, I was able to share why I wanted to observe the shelter for a few hours as a component of this school assignment. I told the volunteer assigned to me that I was no stranger to abuse, as I witnessed my mother being abused by men she trusted. Sharing my story with the women at the shelter helped them to trust and understand me. After a short while, the people in the shelter opened up and warmed up to me.

The shelter itself is relatively small. To maintain strict rules of anonymity and confidentiality, the shelter is in an unmarked building. There is no big sign announcing, "Hello! We are a battered women's shelter!" because this is to be a safe place where women can feel empowered and safe enough to leave a bad situation. I was told more than once not to reveal the true nature of the location of the shelter to anyone that I did not trust. The women in the shelter need to know that their abusers cannot find them or hunt them down later.

I observed the diversity of women that use the shelter. Women in the shelter were of all different ages, from mid-20s to 50s. The women were of different ethnic backgrounds, too. All over the walls were inspirational posters with quotes like, "One day at a time." There is a bulletin board, where the women can learn about other outreach programs and resources that might be of interest to them. On the bulletin board were listings for rooms and apartments for rent; job openings; legal aid; and psychological counselors.

2. How did the experience affect you?

At first, I was uncomfortable being the only male visiting the shelter. I felt at the same time emotionally overwhelmed by the experience because I thought about my mom and what she went through. Looking at the women in the shelter, I felt a lot of compassion and wished all of them well as they sought help and guidance as to how to get themselves out of their negative domestic situation. Throughout the visit, I realized how different each of these women were, and how their experiences and backgrounds were all different but that they all had one thing in common. They had all felt that they had nowhere else to turn but the shelter. They all had the courage to leave their spouses or partners at home.

I had to wonder, how many of these women had been to shelters before? How many had returned to their spouses because they were afraid that they could not make it on their own? How many of the women I was looking at would return? The answers haunted me, but I would never know. I wondered about the types of resources available to the women in the shelter, because it would be essential to provide them with concrete ways to find jobs and housing so that they did not feel they had to return to an abusive domestic partner. Therefore, the observation experience raised more questions than it answered.

The experience also made me appreciate the work of the counselors and social workers. These were people offering their time, often for no money, in order to help a group of strangers. It motivated me to possibly volunteer at a shelter, especially as I thought about my mom.

3. What are the needs of the population that you interacted with for this assignment?

The population I interacted with for this assignment was diverse, and had different needs. In general, though, they all needed self-confidence, direction, and specific plans for the future. Some of the women were poor, and because of this needed financial security more than anything else. This would require self-development in some way, such as going back to school so that their income might be high enough to live independently.

Other women needed a lot of psychological counseling. There were many women in the shelter who were drug or alcohol users and required some assistance getting clean before they could make it on their own. The shelter provided services for addicts in the shelter, and there were 12-step meetings (AA and NA) held on-site. There was concern that the women who were in abusive relationships that also used drugs and alcohol were engaged in vicious cycles.

Some of the women in the shelter were neither poor nor substance abusers. They had some issues with self-esteem and fear, preventing them from leaving their spouses. Children and other family-related complications often caused these women to struggle with how to deal with an abusive partner.

Psychological counseling and trauma therapy were primary needs of many of the women at the shelter. Occupational therapy and other practical interventions such as legal counseling for women seeking a divorce were other needs. Ultimately, the women had spiritual needs that could only be met by a lot of soul seeking and discovering a brighter path for the future.

4. How can you help make a difference with this group?

After visiting the women's shelter, I feel inspired to help this population somehow. Because I know about domestic abuse first-hand, I feel that I could offer a lot of perspective as a counselor. Perhaps I can volunteer at this shelter in whatever capacity they can use me, until I can figure out a way to dedicate more time to assisting women in need. If I decide that I want to become more involved with social services or psychological counseling, then I can take courses at school and maybe in the future study to be a professional psychologist or social worker.