Conflict management strategies and applications

Conflict management: Chapters 2 &

The process view of conflict sees conflict as taking place in a series of stages, rather than views conflict as a vague, diffuse state that simply 'boils over,' as it sometimes feels like when one is embroiled in a conflict-ridden situation. A key component of the process view of conflict is seeing situations and people as dynamic. Rather than calling someone a 'bad person' or seeing a relationship as 'failed,' the process view stresses that there is no intrinsic quality to a conflict. Prelude, trigger, initiation, differentiation, and resolution are conflict 'stages' (Abigail & Cahn 2011: 21-22). Conflict is not a permanent state of affairs. A heated conflict may simply be in the differentiation stage, where the participants' perspectives are polarized. The goal is to bring the conflict to a 'win-win' resolution. The differentiation stage is not necessarily bad, given that it brings to the forefront the issues that have been simmering in the background during the earlier stages (Abigail & Cahn 2011: 25). Greater self-awareness of one's innate conflict style -- passive-aggressive, aggressive, or assertive -- is also helpful in achieving a more effective method of dispute resolution that does not chill or inflame conflict (Abigail & Cahn 2011: 45).

Conflict is only destructive when both parties get 'stuck' in one of the stages. In other words, it is just as bad to be stuck in the initiation phase, when nothing is aired, as it is to be mired in the harshest phase of the conflict, the differentiation phase. Conflict avoidance, or fear of conflict, can itself be a cycle of thinking: a cycle of thinking that conflict is bad; demonizing conflict; avoiding conflict; letting conflict get out of control, and then handling the conflict poorly (Abigail & Cahn 2011: 28). The 'chilling' effect of conflict avoidance can stifle some forms of conflict, but this also smothers all hopes of an effective resolution (Abigail & Cahn 2011: 30).

One reason that conflicts get 'stuck' is because we are unaware of undesired repetitive patterns, or 'thinking loops' (like 'he ALWAYS does xyz'). Far better to take a sequential, stage-by-stage approach to conflict and avoid grandstanding such as raising one's voice, name-calling, and door slamming. Preparation; telling the person with whom we are in conflict that we need to talk; managed and respectful interpersonal confrontation; considering the opponent's views; resolution; and follow-up are the stages of effective conflict resolution (Abigail & Cahn 2011: 40).