Creative Exercise I Have to Go Soon

¶ … Creative Exercise

I have to go soon to the nutritionist. I feel really sick and tired. I know it sounds cliche but I really don't feel good anymore. I used to just get such a high feeling when I binged and purged you know? But I also know I need help. Do you know embarrassing it is to have to go up to one of the receptionists, tell them my name, and the reason for my visit? I especially hate when they have to take my blood pressure and weigh me.

My blood pressure is always high because I take stimulants. I'll go crazy if I see the scale go past 105 lbs. My goal is to be under 103 lbs. I'm so close. Maybe I shouldn't tell them about the jars. Those jars are the only thing that keep me sane. They hide my secret. Should I even let them know? They'll just look at me like I'm a burning ant under a magnifying glass.

I mean seriously, when was the last time they ever helped anyone? This one woman is talking to someone on the phone. She seems upset. It's probably someone who can't speak English. It must be pretty frustrating I suppose. Crap, they're calling my name. Where is my insurance card?

Okay, okay don't panic, she's just asking for your insurance card and identification. Okay now I have to fill out some forms. Great they're asking for my medical history. Should I include that I used to cut myself? They asked for any hospitalizations. Okay…I was hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I had to stay in the psych ward for a week. They kept monitoring my blood pressure each morning. What a nightmare that was. I binged and purged for hours when I got back.

I'll put hospitalization, 12/23/2013, one week, at Sinai Hospital; reason, depression. Father and mother medical history…well my mom has high blood pressure and suffer from anxiety. My dad had diabetes type 1 and died from a heart attack. He always ate a ton of junk food. My aunt has arthritis in her left knee.