death and meaning of life in Tuesdays with Morrie

.....deathbed, Morrie reflects on his life, and relays several messages about the meaning or purpose of life. Ironically, one of the main messages of the story is that life does not necessarily have a greater or cosmic meaning. Meaning is found in what is immediately before us, in the day-to-day existence and especially in relationships with others. Life's meaning is found in accepting life for what it is rather than wishing it could be something else. The meaning of life can therefore be best understood by appreciating what we have now instead of wishing we were different or that things were different.

Second, and following from this, the meaning of life is located in the small details, things we can frequently overlook -- finding beauty and joy in every day, even on bad days and in situations that are painful or uncomfortable. Meaning is especially found in friendship, caring for others, and love. Letting go of selfishness and embracing acceptance, one can discover the meaning of life.

Finally, it is easier to talk about what is not meaningful to Morrie than what is. What is not meaningful, according to Morrie, is money, power, fame, or status. These things may feel good temporarily but in the long run they do not provide meaning. Only caring, sharing, and acceptance can provide the greater meaning. On the eighth Tuesday, for example, Morrie emphatically states, "neither money nor power will give you the feeling you're looking for, no matter how much of them you have," (p. 36). Ultimately, Morrie's philosophy about the meaning of life is summarized in his statement, "Devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning," (p. 37). That sense of purpose and meaning will be different for each person, but generally it will involve doing things that are for other people, with other people, or in any way promoting genuine happiness and wellbeing.

Mitch's interaction with Morrie is transformative. Probably the most important thing that Mitch learns is that getting old can be a positive thing. Morrie is not only comfortable with age and aging, but also with death -- something that surprises Mitch. Craving youth is always going to lead to unhappiness because aging is inevitable. Morrie teaches Mitch acceptance, and he teaches Mitch to find joy, passion, and love in his daily life instead of expecting to find the meaning of life in a grand burning bush-style vision.

Morrie's central message of acceptance is even more important than his emphasis on caring for others and empathy. Acceptance is a difficult lesson, especially when life is painful. Morrie's message is more meaningful because it comes from someone who should be suffering, but who is not because he has cultivated acceptance. Yes, Morrie feels pain and discomfort, but this does not prevent him from feeling joy, love, and gratitude. He accepts life on life's terms, and does not demand more or expect more than what he puts into life. Morrie's outlook is Buddhist: life is filled with suffering, and the best way to eliminate that suffering is to eliminate desire or craving. Wishing for what cannot be, such as wishing one could live forever or reverse time or not get a disease, these are the root causes of real suffering, not the disease or the aging. Longing for the past or being fearful of the future are also going to perpetuate suffering. Even craving the meaning of life can cause suffering because it means we are searching for meaning when meaning is right before our eyes. Morrie suggests that the meaning of life reveals itself when we let go and get out of our own way.

To implement Morrie's message takes a cognitive shift. It requires vigilance of our thoughts and actions. Morrie's message urges us to take responsibility instead of continually blaming circumstances: our bodies, other people, or life's unfairness. Taking responsibility empowers us to create our own joy and our own meaning in life. It means forgiving others, and even forgiving life itself. Finally, the meaning of life can be cultivated by developing relationships with others that are caring and respectful, so that we can share what we are learning and encourage others to also develop acceptance, as Morrie does with Mitch.

Part II

Morrie does not care too much about the life after death question. For Morrie, the most important and meaningful life after death is how a person is remembered by others. True immortality is achieved in a legacy one leaves for loved ones and for strangers whose lives were made better through the other person. Morrie is much more concerned about helping people to accept life than he is about preparing people for some imaginary afterlife. Although he does not say as much, Morrie might think that the afterlife concept that some religions teach is just a way to avoid having to deal with death, or to help people suppress their fear of death. Yet death is inevitable. It is far more productive to accept the inevitability of death and to focus on leading a good life, than to cling to a vision of eternal life.

This is a view shared by Julienne Grey, who like Mitch in "Tuesdays with Morrie," watches someone she loves die. In "My Mother is not a Bird," Grey points out that she does not believe in Heaven, which seems to shock a lot of people. Similarly, Grey's mom was also uncomfortable with the concept of heaven. "All she wanted was an endless, soundless sleep," (Grey p. 2). One of the ways that Grey and her mom cope with the fear of death is through humor, which creates small, seemingly meaningless little memories, tidbits of conversation that actually turn out to be remarkably instructive and instrumental for growth. The way they laugh about the question, "Do you believe in souls?" Grey concludes, as does Morrie, that the only eternal life is in the legacy we leave behind. For Grey's mom, that legacy is in her books. For Morrie, that legacy is in his teaching. Individuals live on in the lives of others, in others' memories, and in the effects of our lives on others.

It is not necessary to believe in any afterlife to believe that life has meaning. It is also not necessary to believe in God to believe that life has meaning. Life has meaning simply because it is. People spend too much time worrying about the meaning of life instead of on taking action to create meaning or to make their life more meaningful by participating more in life. Life's meaning is whatever we want it to be, and whatever we put into life is what we will get out of it. In the end, the legacy we leave could be small and affecting only a few people, or it could be larger, like Morrie or Grey, or it could be tremendously large, like the Dalai Lama. It is true that the larger one's legacy in life, the more immortal one becomes -- there are people who are still remembered thousands of years later and people whose names vanish after their grandchildren die. Yet not all of the famous and legacy-leaving people were good people; many were brutal leaders who achieved immortality in the sense that their names are in history books but who probably did not make the world a better place.

Therefore, it does not matter how many people's lives we touch, but by the quality of the relationships we cultivate and the way we imbue our daily life with passion. Grey notes that her mother's life was meaningful partly because it was meaningful to her daughter -- the person who most embodied her mannerisms, who has her DNA, and who has internalized her to the degree that immortality has actually been achieved. Even if there is no individualized soul that lives on, and even if there is no hell or heaven, one's life is immortal simply by the very fact that we were alive, and we made some kind of impact on the lives of others.

Works Cited

Albom, Mitch. "Tuesdays with Morrie."

Grey, Julienne. "My Mother is Not a Bird." International New York Times.