Behave on a First Date

¶ … BEHAVE on a FIRST DATE Before the Date:

In some ways, the success of a first date actually depends quite a bit on what you do in planning it and in the hours immediately before the meeting. First, when choosing from possible scenarios, the best choice is usually to do something on somewhat familiar ground. So, if you are comfortable at the beach, that would be good possible choice, whereas roller blading together might not be if that is something you have never tried before. That is because, for a man, confidence and competence are traits that women tend to like and it is much more difficult to exude confidence on completely unfamiliar ground or participating in an activity one does not do particularly well.

Likewise, women tend to like men who are calm and composed rather than nervous and jittery, which means it is a good idea to leave plenty of time to get to the destination of the date so that you do not show up flustered or stressed out by trying to get there on time. It is also a good idea to wear the clothes in which you feel you project yourself most confidently and most naturally. Therefore, if your regular attire is mostly jeans and sweatshirts, selecting a date venue that requires a jacket and tie is not such a good idea, because people generally carry themselves very differently and less naturally dressed that way if they do it only occasionally.

During the Date:

Unless the premise of the date is a specific mutual interest (like seeing a particular musical artists in concert or skydiving), the purpose of a first date is to get to know each other, which means that you should probably do something that allows talking. That is why seeing a movie together may not be such a good idea, because it allows minimal opportunity for conversation. On the other hand, asking someone to "dinner" may create too formal an atmosphere with expectations of "romance" even though it allows for extensive conversations. Casual dates that provide an opportunity for conversation are a better idea.

One of the worst mistakes men make on first dates is talking too much about themselves. The best approach is, therefore, to remember to ask questions about the other person and listen to the answers in a genuine way, as opposed to trying to think of subsequent comments of your own or even additional questions. By actively listening to the other person's responses, you will find that the conversation flows much more naturally than when you try to just ask a series of additional questions. Usually, "yes" or "no" questions should be avoided, because they create a lull in the conversation each time, with pressure to find new topics each time a question is answered.

Try to remember that if the girl agreed to the date in the first place, she probably is interested in getting to know you. Therefore, it is not necessary to ask questions about whether or not she likes you, or whether she is attracted to you. In addition to putting her on the spot to answer you, it creates an impression that you are insecure instead of confident, which is the last thing you want to do. Chances are, your date is just as worried about making a good impression on you anyway.

It is also important to remember that while it is definitely a good idea to create the most positive impression possible, there is really no point to presenting yourself dishonestly. In the long run, doing so is futile, because false impressions are not sustainable and will inevitably lead to a letdown when the truth comes out. So, if a date mentions that she absolutely loves theater, for example, and you would rather take a bite out of a raw onion than endure a two-hour remake of a Broadway musical, there are ways of answering honestly without disappointing your date. The smart thing to do in that situation would be to admit that theater is not one of your interests but that you believe it is more important for couples to accept each other's superficial differences and even use them as opportunities to do nice things for each other than it is to necessarily share each and every recreational interests. Answering that you really dislike musicals but that in a relationship with someone who loved them, your idea of a good relationship would be to surprise her with tickets for her and one of her female friends, take them to the play and then meet them afterwards for dinner would be a perfect response.

Remember that presenting yourself in the best light possible on a first date is important; completely misrepresenting who you are is useless.

The End of the Date: