Video Segment and the Results of Your

¶ … Video Segment and the Results of Your Observation

One paragraph comparison of the open observation techniques and considerations you used last week to the directed observation techniques and considerations you encountered this week.

Couples counseling: Video

The question that focused my close viewing of the video of "Couples counseling" was: what external conflicts are driving the couple in the video and what internal conflicts are driving the couple? The couple being counseled in the video was apparently experiencing an external conflict. The woman, named Kate, expressed a desire to keep her name after her marriage to Tim. Initially, a feminist knee-jerk reaction might be that Tim is sexist for compelling his prospective wife to change her name, particularly since Kate said she was willing to use her name in some social contexts, just not in all contexts. At first, Tim defined his desire for Kate to do so as rooted in his belief in the value family, but gradually, through more extensive probing, the therapist determined that the core, internal issue really related to commitment. Both members of the couple were conflicted in their desire to enter into marriage at this unstable juncture of their lives.

Tim had agreed to move away from his own family so Kate could complete her schooling in Baltimore. This may have caused Tim some masculine insecurity regarding his willingness to move for his wife, although Kate said she would move back to Boston with him afterward. Ultimately, towards the end of the exchange, the woman's reluctance to get married and make a permanent commitment emerged. The conflict over the name along with conflicts about the type of ring they wanted; the type of dog they might get; and their location and living arrangements suggested uncertainty about the marriage in general, not just the name. At different times, the couple expressed their commitment to marriage but also their uncertainty about the permanency of marriage.

This focus upon the contrast between external and internal conflicts is helpful given that without such a directed focus it might be easy to instead get 'hung up' on the issue of the name change and whether it is right in our society to force women to change their names when they get married. The custom often seems outdated. However, the issue of the name change is not the real issue: Kate does not seem to feel particularly passionate about it and says that she might change her mind when she has children. The reluctance to permanently change her name reflects deeper insecurities about the relationship. Focusing on the discrepancy between what is said and implied is more useful for the needs of a counselor attempting to encourage a productive dialogue between these two individuals. This stress on the internal vs. The external also enabled me as an observer to note how other apparently irrelevant issues (like the dog) actually related to the larger issue of commitment.