Distance Relationships Are Leading to Increased Divorce

¶ … distance relationships are leading to increased divorce statistics.

In the past, when a person married, it was a lifelong commitment. This was partly because the laws regarding divorce were very strict and it was nearly impossible to get a divorce without some very strong cause. Women in particular had difficulty filing for divorce from their husbands, even if he were an adulterer or perhaps physically abusive. This has all changed over time, beginning in the United States with the state of Nevada where a short residency could get you a quick divorce with little regard to reasoning. In the present time, getting a divorce is a regular occurrence. At present more than half of all marriages end in divorce. Three-quarters of people who marry for the first time will likely be divorced. Among the most common of divorce reasons is the citing of virtual abandonment by one or more of the members of the marriage. People who work away from home or those who have to travel a lot without their significant other can find themselves served with divorce papers. This is because marriages, no matter how long it has lasted nor how strong a love on which it was based, is still work and requires communication and understanding between the two parties (Nielsen 2005,-page 196). When one person is constantly absent from the home, it can put a severe strain on even the strongest union. When all one person does is work outside the home, the business of contributing to the marriage becomes far less important, which can lead to separation or even divorce. This is not an indictment on the individual but a statement on human psychology. If the person is not physically present, the everyday happenings of the home become less pertinent to their life.

Long distance marriages (LDMs) have been around since recorded history, when a soldier would have to leave his home to follow the orders of his king or queen and go to war. There are still military separations such as when one member of the union is deployed for service and the other must stay behind, but there are other occupations which require one partner to be separated from his loved one for extended periods. Businessmen and sales people who travel for their jobs have no choice but to be absent from the home. It also may occur that one partner is going to school or has a steady job and the other partner has been offered a job or other opportunity that takes them away from the location of their spouse (Martin 2011). In the current economic climate, people have to get jobs wherever they can, even if that means one person has to be employed on the opposite side of the United States (Scott 2002,-page 18). This creates a lot of tension in the marriage, not only because of the separation, but because of the psychological implications of having to choose between the interests of the self and what would be best for the family.

According to research, the problems faced by couples who are frequently apart are no different than couples who are always together. However, there is less opportunity to resolve problems when there is a distance. Lack of interaction leads to further arguments and disagreements. Challenges which a long-distance marriage faces include:

Maintaining interrelatedness (the feeling of being a couple), tendency to avoid difficult topics for discussion during brief periods of togetherness, the limitations of phone communication make nuances harder to grasp and arguments harder to resolve, limited time for sexual intimacy (Martin 2011).

No matter what the cause of the separation, dealing with a relationship in trouble is more difficult without the presence of both people. Some researchers have examined what causes people to divorce. They have determined that the separation does not necessarily cause fractures in relationships, but travelling apart does worsen marital problems. "The situation can be likened to water pressing against a ship's hull. Although the water doesn't cause the holes in the hull, it does find them and seep inside" (Experiencing 2011). It is easier to find fault with someone and to blame a person for unhappiness if they are not present to create a counterargument.

Musicians and professional athletes likewise spend long periods away from home. Their jobs require them to perform in different cities around the United States, or even around the world. For these types of unions, separation leads to anxiety. There is the stereotype of the musician and the large amount of groupies who are just waiting around for the chance to throw themselves at band members. There is also the worry that if the spouse believes their husband or wife is cheating on them, then there is no reason for them to remain loyal to that person (Glass 2003,-page 72). Suspicion and doubt breed disharmony and lack of contact adds to those concerns.

Soldiers and men or women who are in branches of the military have to be away from their families. Even though the partner left at home knows that the job their spouse is performing is a noble one, the strain of living alone can bring about some of the same results as the people who stay away from home for less honorable reasons. Having said that, the divorce rate among military personal is very low compared to the rest of the nation, about 3.4%, which is still above the number seen just a few years before (Military 2007). Before 2005, only around 2% of military unions ended in divorce.

The key problem in all of these situations is a lack of communication or lack of interaction with the partners. When two people exist in a world where their partner is more or less a peripheral part of their life, it can be extremely hard to maintain the level of communication and direct interaction necessary to keep a relationship intact. If a married couple is either forced or elects to live apart from one another or have to be apart for long periods of time, then finding the time or energy to build up the necessary strength of communication can be difficult. According to Andrea Scott (2002), "Combined with the longer hours and the household maintenance required by each, the time needed to sustain connection leads to a more hectic schedule" (page 29). Far more effort is needed to sustain the communication in a distance relationship than would be required if the couple had constant interaction.