Divorce as Cherlin Points Out

Divorce

As Cherlin points out in his the Nation article "Generation Ex," the information about divorce disseminated by the popular media tends to be ambiguous and contradictory. Magazines and newspapers sometimes say divorce harms children and other times claim that children of divorced parents fare just fine. The media suggests, as Cherlin puts it: "the American divorce rate is either a disaster for children or no problem at all," (Cherlin). Most media resources present divorce in a negative light but not because of its effect on children. Writing for the National Review, for example, Gallagher completely disparages divorce. He claims that gay marriage and divorce are both affronts to marriage. Whether a media source is liberal or conservative, though, it tends to portray divorce as being harmful to children. In spite of what Gallagher claims, few publications would claim that divorce actually strengthens marriage. Similarly, scholastic research shows that divorce can be a problem for children. Different children respond differently to the divorce of their parents, and there is really no universal experience of divorce. Still, most researchers agree that divorce does affect children in numerous ways ranging from their academic performance in school to their relationships with their friends to their future desire to start families.

Children will usually experience some kind of emotional or psychological turmoil before and during the divorce as well as afterwards. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, a professional organization, notes that children often believe that the divorce is their fault. Their self-blame could lead to psychological, emotional, and behavioral problems. Kim Leon and Kelly Cole, writing for the University of Missouri, describe a number of social and behavioral symptoms of divorce including increased sibling rivalry, irritability, nightmares, and anger. Different children react differently depending on their personalities, on their parents' personalities, on the parenting styles of both mother and father, and on their social and cultural environments. Children from ethnic or religious backgrounds whose communities stigmatize divorced families and children might feel more shame and guilt than children who grow up in areas with high divorce rates. Cherlin claims that children of divorced parents act out in many ways. If they are teenagers, girls might become sexually promiscuous. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry cites social problems as a key consequence of divorce, just as Cherlin notes that many children become socially withdrawn.

However, not all children will react to divorce any differently than they would to family dysfunction, instability, or a tumultuous home life, including abuse. Katha Pollitt argues that many studies detailing the effects of divorce on children are not reliable. The studies are either on a small or insignificant sample size. The studies may not have adequately controlled for demographic factors. or, as Pollitt and Cherlin both suggest, the studies fail to take into account what might have happened if the parents stayed together. Many families featured in research on divorce were in trouble. Many of the parents had mental health issues, some of which were severe. The children might have developed the same psychological problems if their parents had stayed together and fought every day.

Thus, divorce may be one of many possible triggers of psychological distress in children and adolescents. If abuse is present in any form in a household then it is unlikely that divorce deserves all the blame for any mental health issues that may arise in the children. Domestic abuse is likely to be a root cause of behavioral, emotional, and social problems whether or not parents stay together. Therefore, many researchers believe that divorce needs to be viewed in context of the overall health of the family and the environment in which the child is raised. Issues related to peers and to the general community environment are other issues that may affect children regardless of the marital status of their parents.

Divorce is, however, clearly an issue even if it is not the only issue in child and adolescent mental health. Few people would say that divorce helps children except in cases of abuse. Divorce can create tremendous confusion in children of any age. One of the keys to preventing psychological, behavioral, or social problems is honesty. A non-profit group called Health Guide offers advice for parents going through a divorce. The organization recommends honesty and communication as keys to helping children cope and preventing mental or behavioral health problems. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry also recommends age-appropriate honesty and openness. The Health Guide also points out that many children "go through their parents' divorce with relatively few problems or permanent negative effects." Those children who experience acute stress require special care and attention.

Depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, and a lack of interest in those things that used to give the child pleasure are some of the psychological symptoms of childhood stress. A divorce could add to existing anxiety or cause it. Divorce creates dramatic changes to the child's lifestyle, especially if household income suddenly declines because of the loss of one parent. Children are affected on many levels when their parents get divorced. Not only do they lose the stability they once enjoyed or took for granted. Children also miss out on material pleasures their friends have, and their social lives may suffer as a result.

Physical ailments are another possible consequence of childhood stress that is caused or exacerbated by divorce. Changes in eating habits, eating disorders, or psychosomatic ailments all become possible. Parents need to pay attention to signs of such problems and pay attention when their children complain of physical discomfort. If a child's energy level, participation in sports, or eating habits change radically then parents might need to seek help immediately to prevent the problem from getting out of hand.