Divorce and happiness outcomes for an unhappily married couple

¶ … Divorce or Not? An Assessment of a Couple with a Four-Year-Old Child

The objective of this work is to assess through use of critical thinking skills the dilemma of a couple who is facing the question due to marital unhappiness as to whether it is best that they seek a divorce. The couple has been married for approximately seven years and a daughter has been born of the marriage. This daughter is four years of age. Both of the parents are active and engaged parents and they have been in marriage counseling and presently, are living separately from one another. For the purpose of this study is it assumed that there are no major problems such as extramarital affairs, physical abuse, nor are issues of drug and/or alcohol abuse present in this marriage.

Introduction

When parents are considering a divorce, and specifically in the case where a young child is involved, there is much more at stake than simply the happiness of the parents as at stake is the child's development which will either be healthy and productive or married and negative affecting the child throughout the adult lifespan. Divorce has been a popular solution to marriages less than blissful however, this seemingly simple solution in the long-term has found to be counter-productive to the happiness of the couples who divorce instead of promoting happiness following a divorce. Since divorce can certainly be assumed to occur from 'unhappiness' regardless of the specific issue causing the unhappiness then the use of happiness as a measure would be logical in making this assessment.

II. Investigation of Formerly Unhappy Marriages and How These Marriages Survived

One research study that was conducted through focus group interviews with 55 unhappily married couples states findings that many couples who are happily married have "experienced extended periods (typically two years or more) of marital unhappiness, often for quite serious reasons..." (Waite, Browning, Doherty, Gallagher, Luo and Stanley, 2002) Focus group interviews revealed the fact that counseling was not reported by but a minority for having an effect in turning the marriage around and this includes religious counseling.

III. Often Last Considered but Certainly Not the Least among Considerations

It is unfortunate that oftentimes the most important aspect of the marital failure is given the least of all considerations and specifically, the child of the unhappy marriage. The work of Judith Wallerstein, considered the "...foremost authority on the effects of divorce on children' states in her book entitled: "Unexpected Legacy of Divorce" that: "Children from divorced and remarried families are two to three times more likely to be referred for psychological help at school than their peers from intact families. More of them end up in mental health clinics and hospital settings. There is earlier sexual activity, more children born out of wedlock, less marriage, and more divorce. Numerous studies show that adult children of divorce have more psychological problems than those raised in intact marriages." (Kupelian, 2005) it is reported in the work entitled: "Reflections on Distressed Couples Contemplating Divorce One Study of the Structured Separation Process" that the high divorce rate has caused family therapists to search for ways for families to make necessary transitions during divorce in what is termed a structural marriage separation. While this cannot assure happiness for couples or their children this method is clearly preferable to the chaos that often ensues when a couple separates. (Mize, Nelson, Sutter, and Mize, 2005)

Summary & Analysis

The factual evidence provided in this case which is under analysis was provided in a brief sketch only which leaves many variables both known and unknown. Because this study made the assumption that no marital domestic violence and abuse existed and neither did pre-marital affairs exist with either spouse and finally made the additional assumption that there are no existing problems with drug or alcohol abuse then the facts are indeed in brief form only. However, the fact that the couple has attempted counseling in order to resolve the problems in the marriage that the husband and wife desire that the marriage be somehow 'fixed' or resolved in a happy and positive manner. Added to this fact is the fact of the couple having a four-year-old daughter and who is the only truly innocent party in this matter and who is the individual who will be most negatively affected should a divorce result. With these considerations in mind and the facts as laid out in the foregoing review of literature in this subject area there appears to be absolutely nothing whatsoever to gain from a divorce and everything to gain should the couple somehow, and at some point find a level of happiness within the marriage. While often one spouse or the other is young, impetuous, or simply ill-advised and becomes set upon receiving a divorce there are more instances according to research findings that it is the mores' of modern civilization that lend to divorce being viewed quite flippantly by those who seek this legal remedy to unhappiness in a marriage. These are not the only outcomes that are less than optimal for the couple and their children as research findings are readily available in many and sundry publications that show that single-parent homes, specifically single-mother homes are in the lowest of income brackets. The entire family structure is broken when a divorce ensues leaving strands and bits of families unprotected from societal elements and elements relating to physical conditions that are deficit in nature. The question this study posed was 'to' divorce or 'not to' divorce? Clearly, hope would certainly be a well-founded option as many of the marriages that were not happy do evolve into marriages that are full of happiness for the couple. Moreover, the individuals who did not divorce report more happiness in life during years following the study of unhappy marriages than those who divorced. Clearly, for a marriage to be sustaining there must be a commitment that overrides temporal conditions relating to ones' level of happiness.