The effects of death on children's development and wellbeing

¶ … Death have an effect on Children?

In a child's early life there are many unique experiences that mold and shape their ability to grow into adults. Many of these experiences are positive and empowering, but there are other emotions children need to learn. One of these emotions, which has ramifications far beyond just a single event, is grief for the loss of something close to them; a relative, usually a grandparent, or, the most common form of initial loss, their pet. Many times the loss of a favorite pet, whether that be something as simple as a pet turtle or goldfish, or something as complex and long-term as the family dog, the child is affected with a reality that is difficult for them to cognate -- the finality of death. Just because children do not react as overtly as adults, or communicate directly with words, does not mean they aren't experiencing strong reactions inside. Not infrequently, the loss of a pet (whether by death or another cause) is the first significant loss the child will have experienced. The profound effects of this loss, and how parents or other caregivers handle it, might reverberate in the child for many years to come (Moser and Melton, 1996).

Many experts on childhood psychology believe that the process of death does affect a child very gravely. We know that younger children, those in the preschool range of approximately 3-6 cognate in different ways -- they hold one thought at a time, and often unable to view volume measurements equally, and have different perceptions of space and time (e.g. causality) than older children (Buddemeyer-Porter, 2005). Therefore, our working assumption will also need to be that children react to the concept of death in differing ways -- completely dependent on their age, maturity, and emotional make up. Children must have closure and an understanding of what happened to their loved one, be it relative or pet -- whether they are very young, or even approaching adolescence. The quality of the explanation and conversation is what changes, not the quantity. Cognitively, we know that a child of 5 processes information quite differently than a child of 9 or 10, We know this in the sense of the conception of permanence, or being able to remember an object that is not actual present. Similarly, children need to understand numerous things about death, and tend to react emotionally to explanations (Jubler-Ross, 1997). The grieving process for children may be variable and may take on quite different stages than an adult. Again, this is dependent upon the maturity of a child, and whether the pet is a goldfish or a hamster, or the family dog or cat -- the best thing is not to whisper or protect too much, but to deal with the issue, talk it through, talk about ways to show sadness, and, if necessary, use ritual (a funeral or memorial) to help the child feel closure. It is probably not the best idea to simply sneak in a new goldfish or rush out to purchase a new dog or cat, that does not allow the child to go through the maturation and understanding about death and dying (Bjorklund, 2006).

For years scholars have been interested in the way children conceptualize death and dying, and how adults can help them cope. Even such famous psychologists as Piaget (1969) in focusing on a child's ability to conceive life helps form a basis for understanding death. While the bulk of this research is not specifically related to the death of a pet, a young child's conceptualization of death is unlikely to be different for pets than for people. According to the United Kingdom Pet Health Council, pets are "a constant source of friendship" and are "often referred to as 'one of the family.'" Pets are important friends and companions (Mercurio and McNamee, 2006).

Losing a pet is difficult for anyone, but children may take longer to grieve and get over the loss than adults do. A small amount of depression, acting out, or gloominess can be expected, and should go away. Longer periods or abnormal activity following loss should be addressed by the parent, a counselor or minister, or a grief counselor. Warning signs of severe or prolonged grief will vary depending on the child's age, relationship with the pet, emotional maturity, circumstances involved with the death, and so on.

Others find that children are far more resilient that adults in coping with death. Because they have a limited ability to understand chronology, unless faced with something quite traumatic, they are usually able to process grief, accept the issue, and sometimes with a little help or explanation, simply move through the issue with very little scaring. Children are exposed to many more issues via mass media, advertising, schoolyard conversation, video games, graphic novels, and even observation than ever before. It is not unusual for a child to see, for instance, carnage from war or natural disasters on the nightly news. The events of 9/11 are a perfect example of a direct and indirect affect a traumatic social event had on children. Additionally, children process traumatic situations differently, and manifest differing symptoms regarding that stress (Alat, 2002).. Further research and means of exploring non-invasive ways to handle traumatic situations with children must be continually addressed and as cultural norms and values change, so should the manner in which caregivers focus specific and identifiable means to help children cope. Teachers may be among the first adults to note symptoms of grief and stress in a child, and represent an important part of a child's support system. Further research and resources, then, should be given to that segment of care giving, allowing the benefits of a common experience to enrich the lives of the child's peers as well. At times, it is as simple as allowing the child to read about death at an age appropriate book, and understand they are not alone in their feelings (Pardeck and Markward, 1995).