Does Divorce Affect the Children\'s Lives and Their Relationships With Other Individuals?

Divorce and Children

In the United States today, it seems as if divorce is almost as common as marriage. In fact, the statistics suggest that one in every two marriages will end in divorce. Sometimes the divorcing couple has had no children, and their actions and choices affect only them, but when the couple has had, or adopted, children, the children will be affected by their deteriorating relationship and by the divorce. Experts note that sometimes the children have difficulty for a short period of time, but that sometimes the effects linger.

During the period the divorce is occurring, children can show a variety of problems including emotional problems, behavioral issues and disruptions in their normal development (Palosaari, 1994). Teenaged boys often show more antisocial behavior around the time of the divorce (Palosaari, 1994).

Researchers who looked at how divorce affected younger children looked at themes the children showed during imaginative play. They grouped the play into three themes: about traveling between homes in shared custody; legal play including courtroom scenes and depictions of lawyers; and issues related to feelings of safety and security (Pruett, 1999). Children revealed particular anxiety about legal issues. They depicted judges as yelling at the adults to be quiet and stop arguing, to threaten individuals with "no Christmas," calling adults names such as "bum," and fantasies that the children would go live with the judge and be taken on a trip to Disney World (Pruett, 1999). Lawyers were depicted in negative roles including "pirates, vampires or wolves (Pruett, 1999), and were punished by a judge who would put them in jail, lecture them, and then give back their briefcases (Pruett, 1999). The children also fantasized about finding ways to make their homes safe from monsters and kidnappers, and concerns that they would be lonely or not cared for well (Pruett, 1999).

In another study, researchers looked at whether different aged children reacted differently to divorce over time. They found that significant numbers of young adults who experienced divorce struggled as a result. In those who were from six to eight years old at the time of the divorce, 60% were struggling. In the nine to thirteen year age range, more than two-thirds struggled. Depression was common in both groups, even ten years after the divorce. For reasons that weren't clear in the study, males in the nine to thirteen age group struggled more than females in that group. The males were more likely to be significantly unhappy in the relationships they were currently in, and more likely to worry about the future (Palosaari, 1994). Other experts noted long-term concerns in the children of divorced parents regarding their own future marriages and family lives. Interestingly, they sought out relationships with the opposite sex more actively, but also were more critical regarding those relationships (de Goede, 1997).

In some unfortunate cases, children are used as pawns in the divorce process. Psychologists describe a condition called "Parental Alienation Syndrome," or PAS. While PAS is not currently in the Diagnostic and Statistical manual used to diagnose psychological and psychiatric disorders, some psychologists are working to have it included. They characterize the disorder as stemming from a situation where one parent fills the chlid's mind with markedly negative beliefs about the other parents (Andre, 2004). When PAS results, the child shows venomously hateful (Andre, 2004) behavior toward the rejected parent. These feelings occur during the separation and divorce process. The experts note that often this anger is not justified. PAS is a problem that can develop over months or years. It occurs when parents are particularly stressed. The experts note that when PAS occurs, one parent has custody and may be quite challenged by the demands of single parenthood. The parents have diminished ability to meet the child's needs. IN the child, PAS brings poor school progress, behavioral and social problems, and physical complaints. The child is usually quite sad and often depressed (Cohen, 2002). PAS is universally believed to be caused by parental influence, causing the child to see the other parent in an extremely negative light.