Dreams Preamble: I Have Suffered

¶ … Dreams

Preamble: I have suffered from stomach problems since birth. I take medications for the pain, but the problem has persisted throughout my whole life. Doctors have been unable to diagnose or offer a clear cure. On November 10 of this year, my stomach pain became horribly intense and the pain lasted for several hours. I began to worry if the pain signaled an underlying problem like appendicitis or worse: like cancer or a virus. My mind raced toward what would happen if I had to go to the hospital, what I would tell my friends and family, and even how I might die. Thoughts of death persisted, causing me to feel fear and guilt for the unfinished business in my life.

Dream: The dream took place on the same day as I experienced the long-lasting acute stomach pain. Set in the middle of the night, the dream begins with me lying in a hospital bed. A few nurses approach me and place me on a stretcher. They wheel the gurney to the operation room. Two or more surgeons are waiting for me. They tell me that they will need to remove a small crystal from my body. Then, suddenly and without warning they start to operate. Without giving me any anesthesia they cut me open. Blood flows from my stomach and onto the floor. Somehow, I do not feel any pain but am dizzy from the loss of blood. I lose consciousness on the operating table, and that is when I wake up from the dream.

Interpretation: Sigmund Freud would comment on the manifest content of my dream to discover the underlying, latent content. Freud would note that the manifest content of the dream was directly related to the events and thoughts of the preceding day: my obsession with my health and my intense worries and fears that I might be seriously ill. Even though some of the manifest dream content elements correspond literally to what I went through during the day, Freud would still point out that the dream was laden with symbolism that could be analyzed. Analyzing the symbols of my dream would offer insight into my psyche: the latent dream content.

This dream contained several symbols including a hospital, a hospital bed, laying down in a position of submission and weakness, the presence of male doctors, a crystal in my body, the physical opening up of my stomach, blood, and losing consciousness. Because I was focused intently on being sick during the day, my dream revealed what Freud called wish fulfillment. During the day I thought about getting medical attention for my stomach problems, and therefore being in the hospital in the dream represented the fulfillment of that wish. Also, the surgery and the removal of the crystal symbolize the wish fulfillment of needing to remove whatever problems are causing my chronic stomach pain. The presence of several doctors and nurses signified the fulfillment of my wish for care and attention, especially in relation to my stomach problems. Being free from pain in the dream, in spite of being operated on, also represents the fulfillment of my wish to be pain-free.

In "The Interpretation of Dreams," Sigmund Freud also referred to anxiety dreams. My dream is clearly an anxiety dream that points to an underlying phobia: my fear of illness and death. Freud also argues that most anxiety has its roots in sexual tension and repressed sexual desires. In "The Interpretation of Dreams," Freud claims, "neurotic anxiety derives from sexual life, and is the expression of unsatisfied desire which has been diverted from its goal." Therefore, Freud would seek for sexual symbols in my dream. Being in a hospital and receiving surgery does not seem like sexual symbolism. However, Freud looked beyond the manifest content of the dream to discover underlying sexual imagery. In my dream, being cut open symbolizes the vagina. A crystal in my body is like a phallus. Surgical implements are also phallic symbols. The doctors are paternal figures, signifying the Oedipus or Electra complexes that explain repressed anxiety stemming from parental relationships and sexual desire. Furthermore, the blood spilling forth from my stomach symbolizes menstruation. Lying down on a bed during the duration of the dream also serves as a sexual symbol. My losing consciousness at the end of the dream can be likened to having an orgasm. In that sense also, Freud might attribute my loss of consciousness on the operating table to what he referred to as the death wish.

The id, ego, and superego are all present in my dream. The doctors and other hospital staff represent the superego: the overarching logical forces of society. They stood over me during the dream, and I was prone and submissive to them. My being at the mercy of the hospital staff symbolizes the taming of my ego in being willing to listen to the wise advice of the doctors (the superego). My id is the force that is least present in this dream, as there is little driving me toward pleasure.