Existential Givens Ever Since Humans

Existential Givens

Ever since humans have lived on this Earth, we have been searching to reason with our own existence. For many, this search encapsulates a mental, emotional, and spiritual understanding of belonging and developing a personal sense of place. Over the centuries religions and philosophies have been birthed to funnel ideals and validate human existence. One such philosophy stemming from the 18th century that still anchors in modern relevance is Existentialism. Due to varying degrees in existential philosophy, existentialism does not have a universal definition, but generally emphasizes the existence of an individual person as a person responsible for their finding self, meaning of life, and employing their own actions through free will and choice (Deurzen & Kenward 2005). The reasoning implies existence cannot be separated from the consideration of the human condition, and that humans first existed before we could develop a sense of our own essence (Sartre 1985). The existential position exposes a basic conflict within the realm of existence, and that is the confrontation between the individual and the four existential givens (Yalom 1980). The four givens are inevitable concerns coupled with human existence: death, isolation, freedom, and meaningless. These givens provide insights into fundamental conflicts between self and acceptance of being an individual, and an individual alone. In this reflection, I will explore how two of these givens, isolation and meaningless, impact my own life and how they will impact me as an existential counselor. Ultimately, the givens aide to define the context of my existence and their affect on my life.

The four existential givens are unavoidable conflicts arising from the individual while trying to cope with existence in the world, and our "situation." The nature of these givens can be discovered with deep personal reflection. The individual's confrontation with death, isolation, freedom, and meaningless constitutes the matter of existential dynamic conflict (Yalom 1980). Death is the most obvious given, marking the struggle between the individual and mortality (Avila 1995). Isolation refers to fundamental human isolation from creatures and the world. Freedom is not regarded as an innately positive construct, but describes the absence of external structure, and that humans do not enter and leave a well-structured universe that has an intrinsic design (Yalom 1980). Meaningless highlights the struggle to find the meaning of life. Each of these givens extends from trying to understand the context of our existence.

The two givens I wish to discuss are the two givens in which I have felt the most conflicted. The existential isolation, in my own context, is not a matter of interpersonal or intrapersonal isolation. This isolation does not refer to loneliness due to lack of social fulfillment, nor is it an experience of isolation from parts of myself. The existential isolation I feel is described by Irvin Yalom as an "unbridgeable gap" that exists between humans, no matter how emotionally and mentally close each of use becomes to another (1980). Isolation conflict develops from accepting you come into this world alone, and you will exit this existence alone, too. I have had to accept the loneliness of my existence, despite being surrounded by a host of individuals that provide me with social needs.

The second given I have struggled with is the acknowledgement of my meaningless. The root of this existential conflict can be distilled into: What is the meaning of life? Existence is meaningless (Yalom 1980). This is a haunting given to cope with and accept. Despite the work I do and the relationships I build, I have entered and will exit this world alone, while living in an indifferent universe, which leaves me begging -- what's the point? I am only one individual in a sea of humankind, and each of us is striving for some type of validation that our existence is "worth" something. I have asked my: If we are all striving for meaning, how can anyone's life be meaningful? In existential context, we come into existence, we spend our lives defining and redefining our essence, and then we exit existence. I have had to accept my own existence is meaningless in the scope of human existence.

The impact of isolation on my own life has become more and more profound. Over recent years I have become increasingly aware of my own absolute isolation, knowing no matter what happens in this life, I am alone. The existential aspect of this given conflict is the tension between my awareness and my absolute isolation. Like most humans in existence, I enjoy and seek relationships with other people. Whether they are friendships, with family, romantic, or otherwise, I find personal benefit and a degree of fulfillment with these relationships. The need for human contact instills a sense of protection and belonging to a larger whole (Yalom 1980). I find comfort and happiness in my relationships with other people, as it distracts and can often diminish feelings of being alone in this world. Nurturing relationships with others is important to me because I identify with a need for human contact.

Absolute isolation impacts my life as no matter how many people I know or friends I make, these relationships cannot free me from knowing that we are alone in existence. I know I exist as a single entity and am responsible for making my own choices. Through reflection I have accepted no matter how close I may get to another person, no one will ever know me or understand my essence. I also have accepted that despite how close I am to another, no relationship will be able to save me from exiting this world alone. As I was beginning to submit to the realization of absolute isolation, I started to distance myself from others. My personal revelations typically begin with a "What's the point?" foundation, and this raw inquiry made me question the relationships I had built. Over time I have recognized my isolation, acknowledged it, accepted it, but have actively decided not to let it inhibit my relationships with others. I know these relationships will not rescue me, but in the context of my life I need these relationships for companionship, to relate, cope, and find comfort in my existence.

The existential given of meaningless has had the greatest impact on my life and has signified a remarkable journey to my sense of self-discovery. The meaningless tension is a result of living in a meaning-seeking culture and existing in a universe with no meaning (Yalom 1980). We strive to understand our world, our place in existence, and to develop reason. We try to justify our actions and thoughts. We try to find the meaning in every aspect of our existence from why you were born into whatever circumstances, why "bad things" and "good things" happen, we even try to interpret meaning from our dreams. As a human race, we are desperate to connect with meaning. I am just as guilty, and have searched for meaning and reasoning in most areas of my life. To search for meaning in the meaningless, I again started with the "What's the point?' foundation. I was compelled to discover the meaning of my life and the meaning of my existence.

The beginning of my investigation into meaningless resulted in a lack of motivation. I experienced anxiety as I understood if there was no "point" to life, then why even bother? I struggled with seeing significance in the day-to-day life. This experience is considered existential anxiety, which stems from the confrontation of existential givens (Lucas 2004). I reduced my existence into three stages: I was born, I think too much, and then I die. I felt I had nothing to offer to world. Out of my own reflecting I realized if everyone lives a meaningless life, then we must find meaning in each other. I could no longer look for meaning in the context of the world, or human existence, but rather in the context of my life and my circle of influence. Accepting the existential given of meaningless freed me from the perpetual cycle of defining and rationalizing every aspect of my existence. Living in a meaning-seeking culture compels me to find meaning, and I have accepted this is a construct of my existence I cannot ignore. I satisfy this need by finding meaning in my circle of influence, and in the context of my personal life. I make my own goals and follow them to fruition which gives me a sense of meaning, even though I aware my existence in the scope of humankind does not exist. I would consider this a simultaneous will to be wise enough to be naive.

The acknowledgment and acceptance of the existential givens of isolation and meaningless have molded how I view my world and the context of my existence. These constructs will undoubtedly follow me throughout my life, and influence how I interact with others and the demands of my personal world. One aspect of my personal world, my career, will be subject to influence because of my reflections of the existential givens. My personal reflections on these existential givens will impact my practice as an existential counselor. Although the influence of my personal views is significant to me, they will not inhibit the progress made by a client. Sharing a sense of commonality with the client, including the questioning of life's significance, will better assist with having insights into their feelings (Geller 2003).

The aim of existential psychotherapy is to reflect upon and understand life as each person experiences it in order to overcome problematic circumstances to achieve resolution (Deurzen & Kenward 2005). Existential therapy considers the views of the person in relation with fundamental and difficult factors of existence. By focusing on the client's struggle with human existence and acceptance of the confines of the human condition, it empowers the individual to better reflect on their situation, cope with their dilemma, face their circumstances, and think for themselves (Deurzen 1997, pp. 236). As an existential counselor, my goal is to assist clients with their lives by helping them discover their own truths, establish clarity, and for them to engage with their sense of personal direction. For example, a client struggling with loss and grief links two of the existential givens, death and isolation, and assisting them with overcoming their loss includes highlighting how the death of another can awake awareness of our own personal mortality, and to provide an interactive view of human existence vs. individual approaches (Madison 2005).

The client-counselor relationship is a unique one as there is an intrinsic boundary that is established -- the client talks, and the counselor listens. Although I have my personal experiences with existentialism and confrontation of the existential givens, they are not to be automatically exploited for every client to know. The counseling sessions with a client are supposed to focus on their struggles and their personal search for identity or meaning to overcome obstacles. Offering my own experiences can be suggestive, and potentially lead the client to believe that my view is the correct view, when in reality it is the client's own achievement of understanding that is critical. Also, by offering my experiences it can blur the boundaries within the client-counselor relationship. There are, however, moments where counselor self-disclosures are appropriate and necessary. Professionals will also agree that moments of therapist self-disclosure are best used, and most effective, when offered sparingly (Geller 2003).

When I engage in moments of self-disclosure with a client, it will be an organic experience that is derived from a natural course of dialogue. I will gauge the situation and provide insights as needed. Entering into an authentic dialogue with the client will help constitute trust and verbal honesty to promote an optimal client-counselor relationship (Geller 2003). My personal experiences with the existential givens will be imperative for the execution of these moments of self-disclosure as I will be able to offer poignant personal insight. My struggle for acceptance with existential givens will provide me with the ability to relate to my client and reflect common feelings that are associated with the confrontation of human existence. Being able to identify with the client will help ask better leading questions, reflective questions, and to detect recurring existential themes.