Families in a Global Context

Ethnic Families

I interviewed the mother of an Asian-American family, 42 years old, native-born to Asian immigrant parents, married to an American man, with two small children. She had some definite ideas about family roles and customs, mostly stemming from her parents and their very traditional roles, and how she differed from them. She grew up as an "American," and did not understand why her mother insisted on carrying on traditions that were more relevant to their life back in Asia. For example, her mother continued to cook traditional dishes, and did not learn to cook "American" food, which bothered my subject. She wanted to eat what the other kids in school were eating, and often threw away her lunch so she could buy her lunch in the cafeteria and appear more "normal." She made a vow that she would not eat Chinese or Asian food, and would not feed it to her family, and she has kept that promise to herself.

Another difference in my subject and her mother are their gender roles. Her mother did not work, and assumed the traditional role of subservience to her husband, my subject's father. The mother wanted my subject to go to college, but expected her to get married and be a stay-at-home mother. However, my subject graduated from college and got a job teaching at a university, and she greatly enjoyed her career. She traveled, stayed single until she was in her 30s, and her mother was extremely distressed by her behavior -- she did not think it was "right" and wanted her to settle down and give up her work. My subject did not want to upset her mother, but she was not ready to settle down, and then, when she met her now husband, her mother was upset because he was not Asian. There was a great deal of friction between the two women for many years, and it is only recently they have become close again, largely due to the grandchildren and the grandmother's enjoyment of them. This illustrates how different generations can view their roles very differently, and can change drastically from traditional customs and ideas.

Another difference is the number of children. My subject is one of four children, but she did not want a large family, and she and her husband decided they only wanted two children. Her mother wanted her to have more, and still asks her for more grandchildren. My subject is raising her children as "American," and is not sharing much of their cultural heritage with them, largely because that is how she grew up. She was not very interested in her mother's tales of the "old country," and she wanted to fit in and act as American as possible, especially in her early educational years. She does recognize that she has missed out on some of the things that are extremely important to her mother and her mother's friends, and as she gets older, she has begun to question her mother more about her memories and traditions, and may begin to pass at least some of those on to her own children. She considers herself an American first, but is becoming more interested in learning more about her culture and heritage.