One gets the feeling that this family is becoming a pressure cooker that will explode if solutions are not found to ease the burdens of their daily life.
Today more and more school aged children live with their grandparents, whether alone or with one or both parents. In fact according to recent statistics, more than five million children, or 7.7% live with their grandparents (Vanderkam Pp). These grandparent-headed households differ from traditional three-generation households because today, most of the grandparents are over sixty-five years old and few work (Vanderkam Pp). Moreover, many boomers are suddenly confronted with aging relatives who can no longer care for themselves (Kornblum Pp). According to Lynn Friss Feinberg, deputy director of the National Center on Caregiving at Family Caregiver Alliance in San Francisco, "It's an issue that's talked about at dinner tables and supermarkets...It affects everyone" (Kornblum Pp). The National Alliance for Caregiving reports that almost a quarter of U.S. households, twenty-two million, already are involved in caring for a relative or friend who is fifty years old or older, and the U.S. Census Bureau predicts that by 2050, the percentage of Americans sixty-five and over will grow to twenty-one percent of the population from the current twelve percent (Kornblum Pp). Feinberg states that "We are entering a tidal wave of the need for caregiving...and it's huge" (Kornblum Pp). Not only does caregiving take time and money, but it also takes a physical and emotional toll on the family (Kornblum Pp).
Mary is a widowed mother of two children, aged eleven and thirteen who moved back home to care for her parents four years ago. Her parents are in their mid-eighties and are in frail health but are still active within the household, meaning that for the most part, they are able to dress feed, bathe and dress themselves. However, everything else concerning the household is left to Mary. Since she is the only member of the household with a valid driver's license she is responsible for the grocery shopping, errands, doctor's appointments and whatever else needs tending, aside from the daily chores of the house,...
To say that her daily life is stressful is an understatement. Mary confesses that she has always had an alcohol problem and that since her husband's death and returning home to become her parents' caretaker, her drinking has increased. She is worried about herself and says she is seeking group support, however, the irony is that she seldom has time for the meetings. She is either too exhausted, or family duties demand her attention. Caring for two children is difficult enough for a single parent, but Mary has two regressing adults to care for also.
Mary's increased drinking is not uncommon. Gail Gibson Hunt, executive director of the National Alliance for Caregiving, says, "Many caregivers feel isolated and alone," and often "don't think of themselves as caregivers, but think, 'I'm doing what any good daughter would do'" (Kornblum Pp). Mary's daily life is filled with stress, insecurity, and frustration. Not only is she worried about whether she's doing a good job as caregiver to her parents, but she also worries about whether she's failing her children.
While Elizabeth's household felt like a pressure cooker, Mary's family life seemed very sad and depressed. Every family's daily life is different, some more similar than others, but none are identical. And it is the responsibilities and coping skills attached to the daily life that determines how it will effect each family member and the family as a whole.
Works Cited
Thompson, Trisha. "Emotional Pickups." Parenting; 9/1/2004; Pp.
Kovach, Beverly a. "Assisting toddlers and caregivers during conflict resolutions: interactions that promote socialization." Childhood Education; 9/22/1998; Pp.
Interview with Elizabeth Black. November 18, 2004.
Vanderkam, Laura R. "Many boomers' children live in grandmother's house."
The Washington Times; 7/5/1999; Pp.
Kornblum, Janet. "Sons, daughters and caregivers More and more of us are in similar straits: Attending to aging parents." USA Today; 2/17/2004; Pp.
Interview with Mary Lockhart. November 19, 2004.
