Masculine gender roles and their incompatibility with modern counseling needs

Gender and Counseling

The past few years have seen significant advances in the field of counseling. Psychologists and psychiatrists have gained a better understanding of the human psyche. Based on their insights, they have been able to identify new problems and propose more effective methods of treatment.

Many of the problems identified affect the mental health and role of men in society. This is a significant advance, since men's problems have previously been ignored. However, despite such advances, many men are still reluctant to seek help for their mental of psychological problems.

The first part of this paper examines the various gender roles that have been assigned to men in American society. It studies how, through a process of socialization, men are required to acquire several key characteristics that are defined as "masculine," such as aggression, competitiveness and the ability to restrain their emotions.

The next part then examines how these roles and characteristics are incompatible with many aspects of daily life. First, the traits of individualism and aggression are generally at odds with the new work ethic in many companies, which stresses teamwork and cooperation. Second, the general reluctance of men to express their emotions and accept intimacy is incompatible with building healthy relationships with friends as well as mates/loved ones. Finally, the narrow definition of the father as a breadwinner severely narrows the familial role of many men.

These incompatibilities generate a tremendous amount of conflict within many men. However, the same "masculine" traits that are incompatible with work and family also make many men reluctant to seek therapy.

In the last part, the paper looks at solutions for addressing this male dilemma. By helping men create new definitions of masculinity, this paper hopes to contribute to a more effective therapy strategies that address the growing needs of men.

Masculine Characteristics

Feminist theorists have recognized how American society has clearly prescribed roles for women. Women have traditionally been assigned to supportive functions, such as mothering and domestic duties. Even as women entered the workforce, they were still generally relegated to supportive capacities, including secretarial and administrative work.

However, one little-recognized aspect of this male-female polarization is that American society assigns roles to men as well. There are very strict definitions of what traits are "masculine" or "feminine." From an early age, boys are taught to acquire these masculine traits in order to become what society defines as "men."

It is important to note that the differences between masculine and feminine traits are not a result of the biological differences between men and women. Whereas "sex" refers to a biological category, gender roles are defined in a social and cultural setting. Therefore, definitions of what constitutes masculine or feminine traits or behavior differ and continue to change, depending on factors like culture, nationality or time period.

This polarization is evident in daily life interactions, such as language. Studies of linguistic variations between men and women show that men are generally more direct and aggressive in their speech. Female speech is supposedly more polite, as women use more adjectives, interjections and conversational tag, and display a greater sensitivity. These differences, however, are a result of socialized gender roles (Eckert 1989).

Incompatibility of Key Masculine Traits

These three traits of competition, rule-orientedness and keeping score have been deeply ingrained through a process of socialization. However, many of these traits are incompatible with the new work setting, as well as other important areas of life. This gives rise to several internal conflicts, as prescribed male roles conflict with other basic human needs - female or male.

New Work Ethic

The entrance of women in to the workplace and the changes brought about by technology have significantly altered the workplace ethic.

First, the entry of women into management positions means that men will have to find new ways to relate to female employees. After all, many women are no longer working in supportive capacities. Instead, more and more women are colleagues and even superiors. Corollary to this, many men are charged with doing tasks that used to be completed by women.

In addition, significant changes in the corporate culture in the 1990s have eroded the effectiveness of previous aggressive, command-and-control style of management. The Information Age has ushered in new company structures that thrive on communication and teamwork. More and more, people are moving away from traditional styles of aggressive, competitive and individualistic corporate action. Instead, there is a growing emphasis on a management styles that stress flexibility, teamwork and collaborative problem solving.

This new work ethic requires psychological qualities that are generally associated with feminine behavior. For example, while men are socialized to compete with one another, young girls are socialized towards more cooperative behavior and to place a value on a sense of belonging rather than self-enhancement.

Many men find their socialization in conflict with this new management style that place a premium on relational consultation and democratic decision-making (Grant 1988).

Men as Husbands

The socialization of men also gives rise to their role as husbands. Despite changing gender roles, men still feel the pressure to act as the provider. However, this also places men in a dilemma. While most men feel the need to be the caretaker, many men also feel an internal need to be cared for or "mothered" (Gordon and Meth 1990).

Most men also enter a relationship expecting to be in a dominant position, to show strength. This strength, however, is expressed through qualities like "invincibility." While growing up, men are discouraged from expressing their emotions, a characteristic seen as feminine (Gordon and Meth 1990).

This denial of emotions and needs, however, means that men often have trouble articulating their needs and feelings to their mates. Often, this denial of emotions is interpreted as being "uncommunicative" and can give rise to marital troubles involving intimacy and relating to their mates.

Men as Fathers

The socialized behavior of men also severely limits their role as fathers. Similar to their role as husbands, most men see their role as fathers in a "provider" or "leader" context. The apply the socialized behavior of competitiveness, rule-orientedness and keeping score to the familial setting, often with disastrous results. As an extreme example, Pasick cites the figure of Bull Meachum in movie The Great Santini and Captain von Trapp in the early part of The Sound of Music (Pasick 1990).

Instead of severe discipline, however, family life thrives on the ability to understand relationships. This skill, however, is identified as "feminine" and is therefore not taught and even actively discouraged for men. In addition, many fathers perpetuate this cycle by unconsciously instilling the same behavior in their sons.

Steps towards a Solution

Difficulties in Therapy

Many mental health experts now recognize how the internal lives of men are characterized by imbalance. Because of their socialized roles, men feel prohibited from seeking close relationships, either as mates, friends or fathers. They feel pressure to succeed in the realm of work and are therefore forced to relegate family and personal relationships to the back burner.

Psychologists are now recognizing how intense socialization into strict gender roles also has negative consequences for men. In addition to internal imbalance, the strain often places men's physical and mental health at risk. More men, for example, are prone to workaholism. This syndrome often masks a "difficulty in sustaining family relationships" (Pasick 1990:45). In other words, many men who become workaholics do so to escape the emotional demands of family.

The "keeping score" trait emphasized by men also place them at risk for stress-related disorders. Work-related stress is often manifested in frequent headaches, ulcers, back pain and heart disease (Pasick 1990).

However, despite this internal conflict, men are generally more resistant to seeking help for their troubles through therapy. In addition to socialization, therapist Jerry Magaro also attributes this reluctance to homophobia. He writes, "men generally are afraid that being physically close or emotionally vulnerable...will be construed as a message that they are gay" (Magaro).

The main factors, however, lie in how men are socialized. As young boys, for example, men are discouraged from acknowledging or expressing their emotions. For many men, there are acceptable outlets for expressing emotions - sports, sex and perhaps during drinking sessions with buddies (Pasick, Gordon and Meth 1990). Men who seek other outlets for expressing emotions - such as therapy - risk being labeled unmasculine or gay.

New Masculinity

Magaro observes that it often takes an emotional crisis such as a failed relationship or a career burnout to push a man towards therapy. Often, a man is confronted for the first time with depression, loneliness, anxiety and isolation. These factors finally push men to look inwardly and push them towards the first step of seeking help through therapy (Magaro).

Once men are encouraged to seek help, the key to successful therapy lies in allowing men to recognize the sources of their imbalance and to redefine socially constructed notions of masculinity.

Psychologists Jo Ann Allen and Sylvia Gordon recommend an educational approach. A new male client is asked to identify his beliefs regarding masculinity. The client then teases out the social bases of these beliefs and how these rigid descriptions contribute to the client's problems. Finally, the therapist should help a client recognize that these social descriptions of masculinity are not carved in stone (Allen and Gordon 1990). He is thus free to choose the dimensions of his other roles as friend, partner and father.

A therapist should also help men overcome the masculine stereotype of competitiveness and individualism/autonomy, since successful treatment will often involve the female partner or other significant family members. After all, any covert or overt resistance to change on the part of the father/husband will also affect the client's therapy (Allen and Gordon 1990).

Allen and Gordon also recommend the use of "invented reality" as a therapy tool. The therapist's task is to help clients discern how reality is something people have both invented and continue to reinvent. Thus, notions of masculinity - such as competition, aggression, and keeping emotions in check -- are invented meanings. As such, men also have the power to re-invent new meanings and measures of masculinity that are more compatible with their basic human needs for connectedness and emotion (Allen and Gordon 199).

This therapeutic approach also helps free men from their restrictive roles as provider, allowing them to recognize and even accept how other aspects of life can be as enriching or satisfying as work. This includes other pursuits that do not emphasize competition, such as family and friends.

In conclusion, the socialization of men into rigid masculine roles often conflicts with their basic human needs for connection with friends, family and other loved ones. This gives rise to internal conflicts and an out-of-balance life. Once men overcome the social hurdle of seeking therapy, the counselor's task is to help them discern how social constructions of masculinity force him into rigid social roles. This is the important first step towards allowing men to develop new meanings of masculinity - a masculinity that recognizes the importance of connectedness and satisfies all aspects of a man's life.