Marriage and Dating in the Middle Ages

Marriage and Dating in the Middle Ages

Throughout the ages the ideals a marriage is based on have greatly fluctuated. Whereas the practice of arranged marriages isn't common in the Western world, during the Middle Ages, marriages were often arranged on the basis of land ownership, or the acquiring of power and wealth.

Dating in the Middle Ages was practically an obsolete step in the higher classes. Classes were not allowed to inter-marry, let alone date.

Most instances of dating would have probably occurred in the lower classes where arranged marriages were not common.

From the 9th Century, the Church increasingly claimed marriage as one of its sacraments; however, despite some efforts at a complete clerical takeover, the marriage service remained the work of the couple, with the priest merely a witness" (Gardiner & Wenborn, 1995).

Nevertheless, friends and family members often played an intricate part in arranging a marriage when great wealth and land were involved. If the marriage was to take place, it was in their best interest to ensure they were getting a fair share of future wealth, or at least, an expansion of land.

To marry for love, during these times was not always a means to a long and healthy life. A lot of planning went into these marriages as both families usually had something to gain from an economically sound union.

For the rest of the population, "mutual consent was usually all that was required, and the woman had to be twelve years old and the man fourteen" (Hunter, 2002). Unlike the lavish wedding ceremonies today, the marriage ceremony in the Middle Ages was often simple.

It was not until the Church became more adamant about its involvement (by the late 16th Century) were weddings being held within churches. "In the Middle Ages, marriage was seen as a sacrament. Therefore, the transition into marriage was made in order to prevent sin and to procreate as the Bible dictates" (Beaver, 2003).

A marriage ceremony, often involved the husband-to-be and wife-to-be exchanging vows in front of a priest and some witnesses.

There were many instances where marriages would be prohibited. Besides being too closely related, other instances, according to Carter, were "if the boy or the girl had taken a monastic or religious vow the marriage was also prohibited. Sometimes widows or widowers took vows of celibacy on the death of their spouse, and later regretted doing so when they could not remarry." (1998).

There were other reasons a marriage would be prohibited. A marriage could not take place during a time of fasting, like Lent. Other reasons that were not grounds for a divorce were rape, adultery, and incest.

When it did come to divorce, men were allowed to divorce on any grounds, while women were not allowed to divorce, regardless of adultery, or abuse.

The man was the head of the household in the Middle Ages and the wife was legally his property. A man was allowed and even expected to beat his wife, as long as she lived through the experience. Husbands had complete control over all of their wife's belongings and any other property that was owned by the family" (Emuseum, 2003).

Church-involved ceremonies were similar to the ones we have today. Before commencing inside, the bride stood on the left of the groom (because it was believed Eve was made from a rib in Adam's left side) and the procession were asked if they had reason to believe the marriage should be forbidden.

If it was established there was no reason, the ceremony continued. Vows were then exchanged, much like we see in marriages today, before the priest then blessed the rings then exchanged by now husband and wife. At this moment they would enter the church and kneel before the altar as the priest offered a prayer, thus concluding the wedding.

Theoretically, no one could force another into marriage, and if a marriage occurred that way, it was invalid. That meant that a lord could not marry off his serfs, daughters, sisters, etc., without their consent. Of course, pressure could be brought to bear on a stubborn woman, and later proving that the consent was coerced could be difficult" (Hunter, 2002).

Nowadays, arranged marriages are rare in the Western world, and forced marriages are punishable by law. Still, not much has changed when it comes to the actual marriage ceremony that undoubtedly is steeped in traditions that stem from practices of the Middle Ages.

Dating in the modern world, on the other hand, has changed compared to the Middle Ages. There are still many qualities, like wealth and property that sadly many people base their 'perfect' marriage partner on.

We generally are more attracted towards someone's physique and 'wallet' before we know what they are like as an individual. Though there are those who are the exception to the rule.

These days there are a variety of 'matchmakers' at our disposal. Whereas during the Middle Ages, the Lord was legally allowed to match up serfs in his kingdom, in this modern age we have everything from blind dates set up by friends to newspaper classifieds, online dating services, and 'mail-order brides'.

Marriage ceremonies today also transcend traditional church ceremonies, and it is not uncommon for cross-cultural marriages and neo-pagan ceremonies occur in their place.

The one factor of marriages that has lasted through the ages is the need of consent from the two people involved.