Didion the Seemingly Elusive Quality of Self-Respect

Didion

The seemingly elusive quality of self-respect is the subject of Joan Didion's article, "On Self-Respect." Beginning with a background anecdote about how she recovered emotionally from not making it into Phi Betta Kappa, Didion proceeds to show how she salvaged her sense of self-worth by meditating on the core components of self-respect. Basing her self-worth on tests, external measures, and memberships to clubs was like a spiritual and psychological poison. Didion concludes that one cannot build a solid core of self-respect by external measures or the judgments of others. For Joan Didion, self-respect is "that sense of one's intrinsic self-worth," which confers on the individual the power to take control over one's emotional and behavioral responses to life. Life will always be filled with uncertainties and threats. Self-respect allows the person to navigate through the tricky waters of cowardice, on the one hand, and recklessness on the other. Didion claims that self-respect primarily comes from the willingness to take risks but only in conjunction with the willingness to take personal responsibility for failure, error, and mistakes.

Self-respect is defined in part by discipline, which is "a habit of mind that can never be faked but can be developed, trained, coaxed forth." Thus, self-respect is also connected with the obliteration of self-deception. The willingness and ability to be honest about one's ability, talent, and current state of mind constitute the building blocks of self-respect. There are different methods of measuring or weighing self-respect, but none are as valid as honest self-assessment.

Having the "courage of their mistakes" is the cornerstone of self-respect. Courage to own up to errors and ethical wrongdoings helps to build both character and self-respect. According to Didion, character and self-respect are intimately linked. Without self-respect, one cannot have character. Without making mistakes and living with the responsibility of the consequences in a character-building activity, one cannot have self-respect. Teaching children self-respect therefore begins with ceasing to save brats from the consequences of messing up. People with self-respect suck things up, and endure pain and hardship knowing that in the end, the rewards are worth the "certain discipline" entailed.

Didion also defines what self-respect is not. Self-respect is not magical. It is not inbred or innate. Self-respect depends on experience. Likewise, self-respect is not a "kind of charm against snakes." Most importantly, according to Didion, self-respect "has nothing to do with reputation," and "has nothing to do with the approval of others." To vest too much self-worth into the approval of others is to completely miss the point about self-respect.

Self-respect is personal empowerment: the ability to take responsibility for one's own character building program that is enacted on a daily basis no matter how hard the struggle may be. To have self-respect means to move on, and be willing to put the past behind while learning from it at the same time as valuing the lesson. The most critical components of self-respect therefore include the ability to make mistakes and the equal ability to learn from those mistakes.