Countertransference and empathy gaps in counseling practice

1 Self-Analysis and Awareness Paper on Countertransference Issues 1. Identify 3 kinds of persons with whom you are most capable of empathizing and why. Three kinds of persons with whom I am most capable of empathizing are those who are 1) dealing with depression, 2) lost or confused about their role in the world, and 3) struggling with how to respond to the issue of commitment in a romantic relationship. I find that I am most capable of empathizing with these kinds of people because I have dealt with these issues myself. For me, growing up I dealt with conflicts like identity vs. role confusion, and how to balance expectations with reality; it took me a while to learn that life is not really like the way one sees it in advertisements or in movies. Those images and messages are so powerful and yet real life is so much different that I thought maybe I was doing something wrong. I also have been through the struggle of commitment and what it means in a romantic relationship. I can very easily relate to people who are dealing with these same issues because I have experienced them too. 2. Identify 3 kinds of persons with whom you are least capable of empathizing. Do not use sex offenders, criminals, or child abusers! How would this lack of empathy interfere with effectively counseling these persons? People with whom I am least capable of empathizing are those who are 1) very proud, 2) feel that they are entitled to whatever they want, and 3) have no interest in an objective truth that is external to themselves. I find it very difficult to relate to these people because it often feels that there is nothing I can offer them or say to them that they would feel they needed. These kinds of people tend to be self-satisfied, unwilling to admit any weakness, and unlikely to accept guidance that might require of them some humility, some lessening of their self-absorption. Yet, in a counseling situation they are there for a reason and they need to be understood. A lack of empathy on my part might interfere with my ability to counsel effectively these persons because it would limit my capacity for reaching out and trying to have a positive impact. I would instead be at risk of allowing the individual to continue to think he or she is fine with respect to issues that really should be addressed but that the individual does not want to examine in a critical way. A more empathetic counselor might find a way to help the client overcome elements of narcissism. Differentiating types of narcissism is necessary for effective counseling, according to Aalsma and Lapsley (1999), but for me it is difficult to understand where narcissism ends and where positive self-esteem begins. It is also difficult to see where my own pride comes into play in response to another’s ego asserting itself. 3. What counseling techniques from the textbook and lectures could you USE ON YOURSELF to increase your level of empathy for these three kinds of persons, and how would you apply them to yourself? Counseling techniques that I could use on myself to increase my level of empathy for these three kinds of persons would be: 1) examine biases, 2) obtain feedback, and 3) imagine myself in another person’s shoes. I would apply these to myself in the following manner. To examine my biases, I would state up front what I believe and what I assume. I would look carefully at my beliefs and how they relate to assumptions, and then I would question my assumptions to see if there is any factual or rational basis for them. I would do this with regard to beliefs on religion, race, generations, gender, ethnicities, types of work, politics, and so on. In doing so, I could see what my worldview is and how that view is shaped by potential prejudices. I could then look at how I apply that worldview to myself and to others. I could look at whether I make assumptions about others based on race, class, gender, age, ethnicity, or background experiences. These assumptions are what I would need to be careful of because they are what put up blocks that could prevent me from understanding these types of persons. To obtain feedback, I could do this two ways—first, by obtaining feedback from peers and colleagues about my personal and professional approach; second, by obtaining feedback from clients so as to ascertain how I was being perceived by them. It is important to understand how others perceive you because it is not always easy to see or understand how you are coming across or how you actually present yourself to others. You know in your own mind that you are presenting yourself according to a projection you have of yourself, but that is not how others are going to perceive you. A lot of one’s own subconscious being comes through in one’s posture, body language, facial expression, tone of voice, whether one’s words tend to be positive or negative, and what one’s overall mood is like. Unless one accepts regular feedback from others, it is difficult to reflect on how one is presenting oneself and therefore difficult to see how others see you. A lack of empathy on my part could be simply that I fail to consider the fact that I myself am not perfect and have areas that I can develop and improve. To imagine myself in another’s shoes is a creative exercise that requires one to use his imagination and put himself in the life of another person. It requires one to forget everything he knows, everything he has experienced and enter into that person’s shoes as though with a blank slate. Then one can consider questions such as, “How would I respond to the environment of this person in this situation, given the background and experiences he has had?” It is easy to judge others, but it is not easy to put oneself in another person’s shoes. Once you are able to do that, you can see more clearly what the struggles for others are likely to be because you will have likely experienced them by putting yourself in that person’s shoes. 4. Identify 3 “buttons” (things the client does/says that make you irritated, impatient, rigid, sympathetic and so on) that you have that would interfere with counseling another person. How would these buttons interfere with effective counseling? Three buttons I have are when 1) a client dismisses belief in God, 2) engages in self-pity, or 3) talks about a genuine feeling of being isolated and alone. With the first button, it makes me go rigid as I struggled long and hard with belief in God before finally coming to the conviction that God does exist and that this should have an important meaning for our lives. I become stiff and rigid when others dismiss the idea that God could exist because I feel like it is almost a personal attack on my own struggles with what I feel to be a very important question in terms of a person having purpose and meaning in life. With the second button, I become impatient because I find self-pity to be unending and a waste of time. Once a person gets going on self-pity it feels interminable and impossible to get the person out of that mode of thinking. I want to cut off the course of thought immediately. With the third button, I become sympathetic because I know what it is like to feel isolated and my heart goes out to those who feel this way. Oftentimes it stems from self-pity, but the individual does not realize it is so. Other times it stems from fear and a lack of self-esteem. And sometimes it stems from the sheer lack of a social support system (King & Vidourek, 2012). So there are all different reasons for isolation. Even if I do not understand the cause, I still feel the pain of it, as I have been through that struggle myself. Each of these buttons could interfere with effective counseling. For the first button, I might become closed off to the client and will fail to provide adequate counseling because I am shut down and not receptive to the client’s experience or needs. If I feel personally insulted, I could transfer negative feelings onto the client and prevent the kind of growth that I should be facilitating. Thus, it is important not to take anything the client says personally because the counseling session is not about me—it is about the client. With the second button, I have to be patient even while guiding the client away from self-pity. In some cases, it may require more time than others, but if I am too quick to object the client could shut down and feel like I am not trying to understand what he is going through. Thus, I have to be careful about not losing patience with the client when or if he begins sliding into self-pity. With the third button, I have to remember that good counseling is more than just sympathy. Sympathy can prevent the counselor from responding objectively and with clarity. If I am moved to emotion by the experiences of the client, I could lose sight of the logical and rational courses of action that need to be taken; or I could cross the boundary between the counselor and the client that should be respected. I must remember that I am a professional who is there to help and that means maintaining a rational hold on the situation. 5. What counseling techniques from the textbook and lectures can you USE ON YOURSELF to reduce or eliminate these buttons, and how would you apply them to yourself? In the first place, I must be emotionally-grounded, and that means understanding who I am and what my professional role is and not allowing my personal beliefs and feelings to interfere with my professional responsibilities towards my client. Just because my client holds an opinion that is contrary to my own on religious matters does not mean I have to take it as a personal insult. Professionally, I can view it as a part of my client’s worldview and work within that framework to assist the client in addressing the issues that the client is facing. One strategy I can do is to respond to any “attacks” on my beliefs with some form of confidence-booster. I need to stay grounded and part of doing so is to recognize that others are working their way through their own issues as well. In my life, I have found that responding to insults with acceptance and with respect is a way to stay emotionally-grounded. A second step I can do is to take more time in reflection after each client. Setting aside a few moments to reflect on how I conducted myself and making a resolution to do better in the next session if I have made any mistakes is a good way to prevent myself from getting in the habit of losing patience with clients when they begin on the path to self-pity. The more I can put myself in the client’s shoes, the more I can keep myself from losing patience. Thirdly, I can maintain a logical stance by staying logically-grounded, which means containing the feelings that well-up within myself whenever I am moved to sympathy, but at the same time allowing myself to feel them because in doing so I am engaging in a cathartic experience that can help the client as much as it helps me (Gravell, 2010). The way to do this effectively is to work establishing a boundary of what I permit myself to feel and where I know I must draw the line. Boundaries protect the relationship between the counselor and the client and prevent any unhealthy or unprofessional exchanges from taking place. I must set these boundaries within myself (Gravell, 2010). 6. Identify 3 personal needs you have that would negatively affect your work with clients? How would these needs interfere with effective counseling? Three personal needs I have that would negatively affect my work with clients are: 1) a need to have time to be creative; 2) a need to feel loved by others; and 3) a need to vent frustrations and unload stress. These needs are normal but if unfulfilled they can interfere with effective counseling. For instance, if I do not find the time to do something creative in my life, my feelings can become bottled up and I notice myself becoming anxious or withdrawn or short with others. If a client picks up on that, the client might take it personally and I would be at risk of losing that client’s trust. Trust is fundamental to the counselor-client relationship, so I must take care to address my own needs and not allow them to go unsatisfied—otherwise it can work its way into sessions and cause my professional relationship with my client to suffer. If my need to feel loved is not satisfied I might end up looking to win the approval of my client in a way that is unprofessional and non-therapeutic for the client. I have friends and family members who can help me to satisfy my need for love and esteem, and they are part of my social support network. I must take time to utilize that network to stay sharp and satisfied so that I am not bringing feelings that should be settled in my private life into the professional realm. This means I need to reach out to my social support network regularly and keep up the routine of talking to friends and family so that I am not becoming anxious or overwhelmed. Esteem is important and in my own life I like to feel that I am important to others or that I bring them happiness. So when I say I need to feel loved, what I really mean is that I need to feel that I bring love or am a source of happiness for others. Nothing makes me feel that I am connected with others in a loving relationship like knowing that I did something nice for others. It is therefore important to me that I have time to dedicate myself in a personal way to the people in my own life so that I can feel that I have real value.