How Teenage Girls Want to Be Just Like All of the Others

Satire on Teenage Girls

They look so good, all in a row. Their jeans, lower than a plumber's pants, shimmer in the light because of all the glitter flung on their thighs. Tan lines from all of them are visible, so low are their extra low jeans. The sparkles on their pants match their eye shadow, which comes in a variety of colors: purple, silver, and the ever popular pink! The girls can choose whichever shade they prefer, to assert their individual personalities. As long as the shiny lip gloss matches, of course.

Their rear ends shake to the music blaring from the radio. They giggle in unison as they dance, arms flailing and bearing temporary tattoos. Two out of the four girls have belly button rings. The others have belly button rings and a tongue piercing. A melange of boy bands and Brittany blasts through the girls' bedroom. Whose house are they at again? It looks like Danielle's room, because of the pattern on the curtains. Their mothers had all bought them the drapes at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but each teen received a slightly different pattern. Danielle's were a rosy hue with subtle flecks of white.

Amber asks if they can put the TV on. Danielle agrees, and they click on the music video channel, even while the radio is still on. A chorus of voices, all peppered generously with "like," "phat," and a variety of curse words, mingles with the music. Their hair, three of them blonde and one brunette, is brushed lightly off their face. One of them starts taking about her boyfriend and it sparks off a flurry of gossip.

Then one of them chimes in about how Madison looks just like JayLo. Minus the butt, she clarifies quickly. Madison makes it clear that her butt is just fine, and wiggles it to make sure. She reminds the others that when she turns eighteen, her mom is going to buy her breast implants (to match her butt). She's way out of proportion, after all. If she really wants to look like Jennifer Lopez, she'll have to do better than that.

None of them try particularly hard in school, but all are of above average intelligence. Their popularity depends on it, for one can't afford to waste the precious high school years on homework. Suddenly Madison's cell phone rings. They all look around and ask, "Was that you?" Fumbling in their purses (one with faux fur trim, the others pink leather), the girls identify the culprit caller.

Joey! Hi!" squeals Madison.

The others lean in gingerly, huge grins on their faces. Madison has had a crush on Joey for years and they're all dying for them to go out. The conversation continues, and the other three resume their meaty conversations and pay more attention to the MTV. The veejay is Danielle's favorite, a multi-racial woman with sensual dreadlocks.

I have GOT to get a shirt like that!" Rhonda exclaims. The girls vow to go shopping together the following day after school.

When Madison finishes her chat with Joey, the others begin their barrage of questions. Madison's eyes bulge but she betrays little. They aren't going out yet. Madison offers the others a cigarette from her pack. Joey smokes, but none of the others connect the offer with the phone call.