Nuclear Submarine Establish the Need

¶ … Nuclear Submarine

Establish the need for the process/result

Uncertain political climate

Growing costs of international travel

Explain why this option is the best alternative

Clean burning fuel, cut emissions

Reuse of large machinery that would otherwise be landfilled

Avoid traffic

First Step: Locate design plans and materials

Locating design plans

Internet search for various designs

Selection of fitting design for travel needs/family size

Locating materials

Scouring junkyards for scrap metal

Make friends with metal shops for use of construction equipment

Second Step: Building the Sub

Cutting

Slice all materials into the pieces required by the design plan

Welding

Begin attaching pieces as per the pattern

Third Step: Obtaining Nuclear Fuel

A. Contact friendly governments

Cuba, China, and North Korea are possibilities

Unfriendly nations like Iran if all else fails

B. Other alternatives

Dig, dig, dig

2. Microwave lead repeatedly

V. Fourth Step: The real plan

A. Admit futility of previous plans

1. Your welding job looks like an abstract jungle gym

2. All you have to show for your fuel efforts are several broken microwaves

B. Obtain a sub -- the traditional way

1. Obtain capital: rob Swiss banks, sell sub-plans

2. Contact a former Soviet satellite country

3. Buy nuclear Submarine

VI. Conclusion

A. Review the process

B. Detail the rewards

1. Long travel with great efficiency

2. Plot rights to next Tom Clancy thriller

How to Obtain a Nuclear Submarine

Few modern conveniences are more useful or arguably more necessary today than a nuclear submarine. The uncertainty of the global political climate makes having an offshore and mobile haven a boon to any individual searching for a way to protect his or her family and the smaller of their valuable possessions. In addition, the cost of international travel has increased dramatically in response to fuel prices and other issues; having a nuclear submarine puts you in control of your travel expenses instead of leaving you at the mercy of the airline and cruise ship industries. In addition, a nuclear submarine doesn't use fossil fuels, meaning it is environmentally friendly in reducing emissions. It also removes large amounts of material from landfills if reused materials are incorporated in the submarine's construction. The last major bonus of travel by nuclear submarine is the ability to avoid all traffic on sea or air, and even through land on certain riverways and lake systems.

Now that you're convinced, you can begin taking the necessary steps towards obtaining your nuclear submarine. First, you'll need a set of plans -- a simple Google search yields plenty of results of architectural and engineering plans for nuclear submarines. Based on your specific travel needs, including distances, family size, and desired accommodations, choose a design that provides the size you need with the efficiency and speed to make your travels easy on the budget and the psyche. After that, it's a simple matter to gather the several hundred tons of scrap metal, wiring, and other parts needed through a search of local junkyards. This is a good time to start making friends with metal workers and major manufacturers, as well.

These friendships -- and the access to tools that they lead to -- will be very useful in the next step of the sub-acquisition process, the building. Pieces must first be cut down to the sizes and specifications listed on the plans you have selected, and shaped into the various different parts for both the siding and the interior of the submarine. This shaping and cutting can require some heavy-duty laser and cutting-edge equipment -- again, keep those friends close, unless you happen to have enough funds to acquire several dozen different pieces of heavy machinery. The heavy equipment needs continue with the next step, which is joining the individual pieces called for in the design through heavy-duty welding, utilizing electric arcs. A watertight craft able to withstand the pressures of deep-sea dives is of course essential to your happiness in your new sub, so make sure those welds are complete.

Once the craft is built, you will need some fissionable material -- enriched uranium is most typically used -- to power the vessel (and, if you're anything like Captain Nemo, the giant pipe organ you've constructed within it). Contacting friendly government such as Cuba, China, or possibly North Korea would be a good place to start, though you will need to be careful with whom you speak to so that word doesn't get out (otherwise everyone will be wanting their own nuclear sub!). Iran and other more combatant nations can be approached with greater security. If negotiations with these entities fail, digging for your own uranium is always a possibility, though wearing a radiation suit is advised. Repeatedly microwaving large amounts of lead on high for hours at a time could also potentially create enough fuel, but this method is unproven.