Women are more faithful than men: survey evidence and analysis

Women Are More Faithful Than Men

The libraries and bookstores are overloaded with published books about love and relationships, and television programs deal with those topics on a daily basis. One of the most frequently addressed topics in these books and programs is infidelity.

And while digging into the subject, as this paper does, it is apparent that when it comes to infidelity and cheating, men do it more than women. This paper does not try to delve very deeply into the why, but it provides solid scholarship on the data and the literature on the situations that exist in society, and in marriages, that tempt men to stray from their relationships. The substance of this paper is that women are more faithful than men. Young women considering marriage should engage in a patient and thorough investigation into the tendency of men to cheat, and be totally familiar with her prospective husband's past prior to tying the knot.

Introduction

One of the reasons given for why some men stray from marriage and from committed relationships -- and women don't -- is, according to an article in the Journal of Marriage and the Family, that "physical pleasure" is found to be "lower for [married] women over the age of 40" and yet married men do not "…experience the same drop in physical pleasure with age" (Christopher, et al., 2000, p. 1003). So men's sexual drive continues into middle age, while the sexual drive for women slows down. This might help to explain why men have a "greater likelihood of obtaining new and younger sex partners, relative to their female counterparts," Christopher explains.

Moreover, younger men find ways to stray as well. Males do commit more acts of infidelity no matter whether they are married or not, and whether the infidelity involves sexual intercourse or flirting on the Internet. In fact, Rebecca Brand explains that when a woman finds out her male partner has been cheating through emails with another woman, even though there was no physical act involved, it still can be "…damaging to the relationship and certainly [it] violates many people's expectations for their relationships" (Brand, 102).

The survey prepared for this paper is unique in that 100 individuals were asked to complete a brief questionnaire in a research genre with no formal research setting and no pressure. They were open and willing to cooperate. I hypothesized that these participants would corroborate my viewpoint -- that women are more faithful than men, and this turned out to be the result of the survey. Women are more faithful because they, as a rule, invest more time in the relationship and in the family than men, plus when they have children, they invested many months in bringing that child into the world and technically all the man did is provide the sperm.

Methodology - Results

One hundred individuals -- 48% African-American, 21% Hispanic, 21% Caucasian, 4% Asian and 6% "other" -- took part in this research (see charts in the appendix). The questions were gleaned from other surveys that have been done in professional settings. The participants were given two days to compete their paperwork and they all agreed to honestly, forthrightly answer the questions to the best of their ability (see questionnaire in the appendix). The survey was conducted in the New York City area (36% from the Bronx; 12% from Queens; 34% from Brooklyn; 7% from Staten Island; 8% from Manhattan; and 3% from elsewhere in the area). Just 3% were in their teens; 23% were in their twenties; 31% were in their 30s and 31% were in their 40s; about 15% were in their 50s and 5% were in their sixties. Fifty-five percent stated they were in a "committed relationship" and nearly 60% indicated that "Men view fidelity as the most important part of a relationship" which is interesting because 52% believe that women are "more faithful than men."

The Literature: Women are more faithful and they tell fewer lies

In the Handbook of Public Administration Professor Jack Rabin and colleagues' gender research reflects that women "…tell fewer lies, steal less, fight less, do fewer drugs, are less often drunk, are more faithful in relationships, engage in less deviance in the workplace, and are more law abiding" (Rabin, et al., 1998, p. 770). Other interesting differences between the genders are presented in the handbook, including the fact that men "often" view women in sexual contexts and establish relationships based largely on sexual attractiveness. Women, on the other hand, are drawn to men-based partly on attractiveness but also on their potential for success, their intelligence, and suitability for raising children (Rabin, 770).

Additionally, Rabin points to research that may explain the dynamics of male-female adult relationships. The author reports that boys are taught to play games, and win, by the rules and hence "adherence rather than…interpretation" influences the male gender (770). As for females they are taught to "pay attention to feelings and relationships," and they are taught, "the process is just as important as the end"; men, on the other hand, are "goal-oriented" and more focused on "output" than women are (Rabin, 770).

Women are more "sexually contented" than men

In the Continuum Complete International Encyclopedia of Sexuality, the authors assert that women "are, in general, more sexually contented than men" and that reflects the "still prevailing Catholic image of the woman" (Francoeur, et al., 2004, p. 48). That generalized view of women posits that she is "…to remain passive and take the place to which she is directed" (Francoeur, 47).

As regards faithfulness, in Austria individuals are having more sex than a few years ago, which leads to further interesting data: while the average adult female reports having sex 2.1 times a week, men report having sex "2.6 times a week… [which] indicates that women are 'more faithful' than men" (Francoeur, 47). For every "unfaithful woman," the authors report based on their surveys, "…there are two unfaithful men"; that breaks down to 12% of adult women responded to questionnaires that they had been unfaithful while 20.7% of men admitted to unfaithfulness (Francoeur, 47). That having been pointed out, the survey indicates that "…nine out of ten Austrians responded that faithfulness in a relationship is especially important" (Francoeur, 47).

As to the group aged 30 to 49 years, 24% of males responded that they were "not satisfied" with the amount of sex they were having while 8% of females said they were not satisfied with the frequency of sexual activity (Francoeur, 47). Another statistic that shows men are most active in seeking out sexual experiences is that young men showed the most interest in having "group sex"; indeed, 7% of young men between the age of 16 to 29 related that they seek group sex while only 1% of young women the same age wanted group sex (Francoeur, 48).

Another interesting statistic reveals that 40% of males indicated a willingness to engage in heterosexual anal intercourse and "less than 20% of women" were so inclined. As to oral sex among heterosexual partners, 70% of the men in the research in Austria practice oral sex while only 52% of women said they practice oral sex (Francoeur, 48). In the realm of aging, 45% of males between the age of 50 and 60 indicated they had "sexual intercourse at least once a week" and only 21% of women in the same age bracket said they had sex that often (Francoeur, 48).

Sexual satisfaction and interest tends to fade for married women

According to an article in the Journal of Marriage and the Family, the evidence shows that "physical pleasure" is found to be "lower for [married] women over the age of 40" and yet married men do not "…experience the same drop in physical pleasure with age" (Christopher, et al., 2000, p. 1003). This might help to explain why men have a "greater likelihood of obtaining new and younger sex partners, relative to their female counterparts," Christopher explains.

In a survey conducted by Edwards and Booth (1994) and reported by Christopher, wives that have reached their "late middle years (48-60)" were far more likely than younger wives to indicate that "loss of interest in sex was a problem in their relationship" (1003). Moreover, Christopher reports that both men and women agree in empirical studies that "…it was the wife who was more likely to lose interest…" over 9 years of marriage (Christopher, 1004).

While an overwhelming number of Americans (70 to 80%) "…express complete disapproval of a married person having sex with someone other than his or her spouse," and 77% in one survey quoted by Christopher say extramarital sex is "always wrong," sex outside of marriage is a reality. And among the variables associated with "permissive attitudes toward extramarital sex" are those who were sexually permissive before marriage, low interest in religion, and "being male" (Christopher, 1006).

That phrase, "being male," tells the story in the shortest possible number of words when it comes to the statistics vis-a-vis which of the two genders is most apt to stray and have sex outside of marriage or outside of a committed, long-tem relationship. Christopher references the data from the National Health and Social Life Survey that shows about 25 of married men and 15% of married women report having "engaged in extramarital sex at least once" (1006).

A "higher lifetime incidence of extramarital sex is found among men, Blacks, remarried individuals, those in the lowest and highest education categories…and those low in religiosity," Christopher explains, based on research from existing literature. When a woman is found to have had sexual relations outside marriage, the man is "…more upset by the sexual aspect" of his partner's infidelity, but when a woman learns her man has engaged in sex outside the relationship she is more "upset by the emotional aspect" (Christopher, 1006).

One particularly poignant line from the National Health and Social Life Survey (NHSLS) under the heading "practices and preferences" says a great deal about men and faithfulness: "Sex with strangers was more appealing to men than women" (National Health and Social Life Survey, 1992).

Infidelity (real or suspected) is the "leading cause of divorce"

Writing in the peer-reviewed journal Sex Roles, Rebecca Brand and colleagues describe the results of two studies regarding infidelity, one among 543 undergraduates in the Northwest and another among 313 undergraduates and 233 "community members" in the Mid-Atlantic United States. To preface the results of their surveys, Brand and associates report that infidelity is not only the leading cause of divorce, it is the leading cause of wife-battering and wife-killing (Brand, 2007, p. 101). There is not currently ample literature and research to explain the specific reasons "for sex differences in the occurrence of infidelity, as well as the motivations for and the consequences of cheating," Brand explains (101). But in this research participants who admit to cheating were asked questions through an anonymous questionnaire.

A "robust finding" was that "…men appear to engage in infidelity more often than women across cultures," but there is a caveat to that statement. Men get involved more than women do when it comes to infidelity when it is defined as not just sexual intercourse, Brand continues (101). In fact, when infidelity refers to "a variety of behaviors" like kissing, flirting, and other non-intercourse-related behaviors, men are found to be guilty of cheating far more often them women (Brand, 101).

The authors point out -- in relating the big picture of why men cheat more frequently than women do -- that historically, women invest a lot more in a relationship, especially a marriage when a family is involved. Women invest nine months or more of pregnancy "and lactation" while technically all males have to invest is the sex act itself (Brand, 102). Hence, the "lesser-investing sex" (males) are "more likely than the greater-investing sex" (females) to engage in "short-term mating with multiple partners" (Brand, 102). And so the greater-investing gender (women) for which every "healthy offspring requires a bare minimum of 9 months gestation, a quality over quantity strategy" is far more likely to emerge.

Given that women value quality over quantity, and they consider a child, a husband and a family quality, and women intend to provide "potential offspring both with healthy genes and with many years of protection and resources," it is unlikely that women in this situation "…use infidelity as a means of securing many short-term partners" (Brand, 102). This is not to suggest that women don't engage in infidelity, because in fact statistics indicate that they do; but when they so cheat they achieve benefits quite different than those that men receive, Brand continues.

One clear reason why married women would cheat relates to her desire to find a "replacement partner without first giving up the security and protection derived from the current mate" (Brand, 102). And the most likely scenario at play when a woman has an affair outside of marriage, the authors report, is due to the fact that her "…current partner was having an affair," and hence the subject comes full circle back to the male's infidelity (Brand, 102).

Males do commit more acts of infidelity no matter whether they are married or not, and whether the infidelity involves sexual intercourse or flirting on the Internet. In fact, Brand explains that when a woman finds out her male partner has been cheating through emails with another woman, it still can be "…damaging to the relationship and certainly [it] violates many people's expectations for their relationships" (102). As proof of this assertion, Brand references a survey of college students (by Drigotas, et al., 1999); the students were asked if "emotional and physical intimacy behaviors, including flirting, sharing feelings, and kissing, constituted infidelity" (102). Seventy-six percent of those college students surveyed said those activities did indeed constitute infidelity, or cheating.

In 1997, a survey by Wiederman found that 23% of men and 12% of women had an "extramarital sexual affair"; but looking more closely at their data, examining the data separately for participants under the age of 40, the sex differences in infidelity "disappear" (Brand, 102).

Relationships, male infidelity and Internet romance

Still on the subject of Internet relationships, Margaret Ward and Marc Belanger -- in their book, The Family Dynamic: A Canadian Perspective -- suggest that even though physical contact does not occur, when a person is involved in an Internet relationship, with a "lover" that meets online often, it can lead to "emotional withdrawal from a partner" (Ward, et al., 2010, p. 100). As to whether the persons involved with extra-marital romance online believe it is truly infidelity or not, Ward asserts that it is indeed infidelity. And "most researchers state that men are more likely to be unfaithful," though some studies suggest that the rates for men and women are moving closer to each other (Ward, 100).

People who attend religious services tend to have "fewer affairs," and infidelity is "more likely where opportunity for an undiscovered encounter presents itself," Ward continues. Infidelity can be "only sexual, only emotional, or a combination," Ward explains (100). But notwithstanding all the studies and all the media reports, researchers referenced by Ward say that infidelity "…occurs in less than one-fourth of committed relationships."

For those men in heterosexual dating or cohabiting relationships are "more likely than married individuals to have non-partner sex," Ward goes on. And as to when a married woman reaches a "peak" -- during which she may be tempted to get involved with a man outside her marriage -- the authors say it is after seven years of marriage. For men, it is the 18th year. When infidelity does get revealed, married people tend to work it out more so than those that are just cohabitating, Ward explains on 101. As was noted earlier in this paper, men are more apt to be very jealous and angry when a woman is caught cheating -- over the fact that the woman had sex with another man -- but when a man is caught in an extramarital affair the women is jealous of the emotional aspects of that infidelity (Ward, 101).

Discussion

The results of this survey are fairly consistent with the results from numerous scholarly and other valid materials in the literature. What did we learn? For one thing, we learned that there is much more to this issue than could be reported and revealed in a report such as this. We also learned that local people in the New York City area agree that women are less apt to stray from relationships than me are. The research that has already been published is very impressive in terms of the validation of this paper's hypothesis: women are more faithful than men. We also learned that when men are flirting with another woman on the Internet it is considered by experts -- and by women -- to be a kind of infidelity. Becoming romantically involved with another person online can (and does) cause the cheater to show less love and nurturing to the one he is living with, and that can't be good for the relationship.

In the survey conducted by the writer of this paper there was not as much in-depth data and resource material as in the literature / scholarship presented, but the results echo those found in myriad research articles: men are prone to cheat and women too, can be seen at cheaters, albeit men are far more likely -- and this is empirically valid -- to seek sex outside the marriage or the relationship.

The limitations to this survey are that it only covered 100 people, and the gender of the participants was not noted. It could be expanded in the future, and one suggestion could be to go into a collaborative arrangement with a psychology class or social studies class, and incorporate more scholarship, plus involve several hundred individuals, not just students but business people, Wall Street employees, and others to make a more inclusive survey.