Indulgent Parenting vs. Authoritative Parenting

Indulgent vs. Authoritative Parenting mother and her daughter walk through the aisles at a grocery store. As they stroll through the cereal aisle, the young girl begs her mom for the newest sugar-laden breakfast treat. When her mom says no, the girl begins to whine and beg, and proceeds to throw a mini-tantrum. Her wails grow louder and other shoppers start to stare. The mother, obviously an indulgent parent, reaches for the cereal in question and lovingly pats her little girl on the head.

Another mother and her daughter walk down the same aisle. Only this time, when the young girl begs for sugary cereal, her mother firmly replies, "No." The girl pouts but doesn't say another word. Her mother has probably practiced a more authoritarian approach to parenting. While there as many different parenting styles as there are children in the world, most parents lead toward either a liberal, indulgent style which uses minimal discipline; or a more conservative, authoritarian style that includes strict boundaries and consistent means of discipline.

Each method has pros and cons, and no two parents use the same parental techniques all of the time. Permissive parenting is characterized by permissiveness and an unwillingness to place limits or demands on their children, while authoritative parenting entails encouraging independence through discipline, consistency, and leadership. A balanced approach is ideal, but authoritative parenting can contribute more to the healthy psychological development of children than a more indulgent style. Authoritative parenting differs from indulgent parenting primarily because the latter give into their children's whims most of the time.

For example, if the child wants a toy he or she sees on television, the parent will buy it. If the child doesn't want to go to school because of an imaginary stomach ache, the parent will consent to letting the child remain home. If the child wants to stay out late on a school night or watch a violent movie, the parent will say yes. This can create problems during adolescence, as teenagers naturally test their parents' boundaries.

If those boundaries are already loose, teens can get themselves into a lot of trouble trying to see how much reaction they can get out of a parent. When they get older, children of permissive parents could potentially have problems taking "no" for an answer in all sorts of interpersonal interactions. On the other hand, authoritative parents set clear and firm boundaries with their children from the time they are a very young age. Their children can thus appreciate that a "no" means no and to not press the matter.

Authoritative parents don't give into their child's every whim; nor do they spoil them with material goods. The parent won't necessarily buy the toy just because the child whines about it. Children from authoritative families will probably respect authority more as they grow older because of the way they were raised. Permissive and authoritative parents differ in how consistent they are with punishments. Indulgent parents will often exhibit inconsistency in their disciplinary tactics.

For instance, a parent will ground their child for a week, but a few days later allow him or her to go to a party. In two parent-households, this problem can be exacerbated when one parent delivers a punishment which the other one either knowingly or not contradicts it. As an authoritative parent of a three-year-old child, I often run into this problem with her indulgent-style father. Authoritative parents try to stick to their word when they mete out a punishment.

This way, the child learns to respect the parent; when punishments are constantly being changed or ignored, they lose their disciplinary value: the child will not learn from his or her mistakes if a punishment is not consistently honored. If the child is grounded, no party will be important enough to let the child out. This style of parenting works best when both parents agree to the terms of a punishment. Another key way in which the two parenting styles differ is with roles and duties.

Indulgent parents have trouble encouraging their children to participate in household chores. If the child doesn't want to do the dishes, they are allowed to watch television instead. Along with creating a sense of dependence on the parent, this also prevents the child from developing a sense of cooperation. Therefore, indulgent and authoritative parenting differs in how much independence is afforded to the child. Indulgent parents will allow their kids to decide where they want to go, what they want to buy, and who to play with.

If the child is allowed to do whatever he or she wants, they do not learn to internalize any good habits or behaviors. As a result, they have no natural sense of independence, only a disregard for rules and regulations. Authoritative parents, on the other hand, strongly encourage work and duties around the house. As a result, the child develops a sense of their place within the family and is able to assume increasingly more adult responsibilities as they age.

Authoritative parents limit the child's behaviors, but they don't necessarily become overprotective. Rather, authoritative parents can allow and encourage independence by instilling in their children certain sets of values and behavioral codes.