Response to literature in academic writing

Infidelity and the Concept of True Love

Zora Neale Hurston's The Gilded Six-Bits (1933) is a story that illustrates the manner in which codependent couples often choose to resolve even the worst kinds of relationship betrayal through rationalization and psychological repression of anger and emotional pain. The story suggests that true love is such a powerful force that it can overcome the betrayal of infidelity. It also illustrates one of the typical ways that codependent couples sometimes deal with serious relationship problems by rationalizing uncomfortable truths and by repressing anger and resentment. In that regard, it demonstrates the way that changes in relationships reveal the true extent of the anger that is barely concealed by conscious behavior.

In principle, it is doubtful that there is such a thing as "true love" in the sense that it is generally presumed to exist; that can be illustrated by considering the actual elements of what we refer to as romantic "love." Moreover, the evolution of the relationship between the protagonist from before the betrayal, to its immediate aftermath, and finally, to its eventual resolution probably represents attachment and the relative lack of alternatives more than it necessarily proves that "love" conquered the threat to the relationship.

The Concept of True Love in The Gilded Six-Bits

In literature and in popular culture, we frequently encounter the notion that true love exists and that it means that two people are "perfectly" matched for one another, and more so than determined by the sum total of all of the reasons they may appreciate one another. The implication in The Gilded Six-Bits is that the reason that Joe and Missie May managed to overcome her infidelity was that they shared a true love and that it overshadowed even the tremendous betrayal of her infidelity.

The Concept of True Love in my Observations

It is much more likely that Joe and Missie May found one another in the first place because they happened to be from the same geographic region, social and economic class and society, and race. Particularly before the modern era of available mass transportation and personal automobile ownership, most people (except the very wealthy) probably spent their entire lives within a few hours of their birthplaces. Consequently, two relatively poor individuals living in 1933 America would have had comparatively few opportunities to meet potential marital candidates. That would have been even more the case for black people, given their second-class citizenship status at the time.

To believe in the notion of "true love" one would have to believe that Joe and Missie May happened to be one another's "perfect" counterpart, which would be highly improbable since each of them probably would have had comparatively limited opportunities to meet suitable marital candidates. It is much more probable that even if they did love one another, there was not necessarily anything especially unique about their love and that each of them would eventually have established a similar relationship with someone else had they never met.

In my experience, both men and women tend to be more likely to forgive disappointments in their romantic relationships in proportion to their relative opportunity to meet additional potential partners. For example, highly attractive popular individuals seem to be less willing to work at salvaging relationships than less attractive and less popular individuals. Furthermore, in my experience, the greater any disparity in that regard between the partners (such as where one is much more attractive than the other), the more that the partner who may have fewer other social opportunities often puts up with and is willing to forgive in their relationship.

Genuine Forgiveness, Repression, and Codependence in The Gilded Six-Bits

The evolution of the relationship between Joe and Missie May demonstrates the way that infidelity (and betrayal or serious disappointment) can damage a marital relationship even when the individuals make the conscious decision to remain together. First, in taking his conscious anger out mainly on Slemmons rather than on Missie May, Joe is probably displacing his anger onto the person with whom he does not have a relationship. In a was Missie May whose behavior was worse because only she and not Slemmons who had an intimate relationship with Joe and it was only Missie May who actually owed a duty of honesty and fidelity to Joe.

Joe does decide to stay with Missie May but it is clear that their relationship was changed, at least from his perspective, by virtue of the way that he withdrew physical intimacy as well as the cherished marital routines that had previously been his way of exhibiting his affections and appreciation for Missie May. It seems relatively obvious that he made the conscious decision to stay married and to forgive her for her betrayal even though his anger and sense of betrayal continued long afterwards. In all likelihood, Joe's decision to forgive Missie May reflected the relative inability of Joe to find a different wife, given his socioeconomic status and the social dynamics of that era, not to mention the social stigma associated with divorce in American society. In that respect, and perhaps in others, Joe was probably at least somewhat dependent on Missie May and she on him reciprocally.

Genuine Forgiveness, Repression, and Codependence in my Observations

All of the concepts of conscious forgiveness vs. unconscious seething anger, displaced anger onto strangers, and codependence of romantic partners are readily evident in contemporary society. One cannot watch a week's worth of any television courtroom show without seeing a case involving sexual infidelity in which the aggrieved partner remains with the partner who betrayed her and expresses all of her anger at the other woman instead of at the man who owed her respect and fidelity. That phenomenon is always fascinating and often provokes Judge Judy Scheindlin to ask women why they are more angry at a stranger than at their husbands or boyfriends. That would seem to explain much of Joe's response to his situation.