Interpersonal communication concepts and applications

Sympathy v. Empathy

Sympathy and empathy are differing terms with separate and distinct meanings. Sympathy involves feeling sorry or pity for another person while not specifically understanding what such person is feeling. Empathy on the other hand is actually feeling and understanding what a particular person is experiencing. It is being able to place oneself in another's shoes.

Of the two feelings sympathy is the one that is most easily felt. Most everyone can feel sorry for someone who has lost a loved one, suffered a serious injury, or is experiencing a hard time financially. Empathy, however, requires actually feeling the loss or the injury that another is experiencing and requires some personal dedication to the situation.

Everyone at some point in their life will have the experience of having a friend or family member lose someone close to them die prematurely. It is a difficult time and finding the words to comfort is often hard. In such circumstances it is easy to feel sympathy for the person suffering the loss but, unless one has had a similar experience, feeling empathy may not be possible. Empathy requires a much greater effort and often requires one to have had first-hand experience of a similar manner.

The classic distinction between sympathy and empathy can be witnessed by watching the behavior of attendees at a funeral. Such attendees can be classified into separate groups: those who sympathize with the loss of the deceased, and those who empathize with such loss. Those who sympathize will be those who feel the pain but have had the good fortune of not being able to actually identify with the loss. Such individuals will make all the right comments and demonstrate the proper body language but they do not make any real connection with the aggrieved because they either lack the capacity to feel empathy or they could not identify closely enough with the loss being suffered. Those who are empathetic are the individuals who are capable of feeling the full range of pain and emotion being felt by the grieving parties.

From my own experience I have been able to distinguish between the two emotions. Prior to the past few years I had attended several funerals of my friends' parents. I felt sorry for my friends' loss but I can honestly state that I had no concept of the depth of their loss. I expressed my sympathies but it was hard for me to identify with their loss. Once, however, I had personally suffered the loss of my own parents I felt much differently at subsequent funerals. I now knew the full range of emotions involved in the loss of one's parents and was able to not only feel sympathy but also empathy.

Empathy is the more valuable and more easily applied emotion. Actually being able to feel how someone else is feeling allows one to have a clearer view of the available options and how to deal with such person. Sympathy, on the other hand, should be applied based on the circumstances. Often time individuals do not need or want sympathy and are actually irritated or upset by the expression of sympathy. A truly empathetic person is attuned to these situations and acts accordingly.