Interpersonal conflict in NCIS television series

Interpersonal conflict is a daily part of human existence," ("Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts," n.d.). The hard part is learning how to resolve interpersonal conflicts, because they are inevitable. One of the reasons television shows are popular is that they mirror the genuine interpersonal conflicts that people have in their daily lives. This can be seen on the television show Modern Family, which depicts several interpersonal conflicts. One conflict that is developed early in the show is between Mitch and his father Jay. Mitch is gay, and although his father pretends to be fine with it and accepting of his son, his homophobia comes to the surface during the wedding planning. When Mitch mentions some problem he is having with deciding on the decor of the wedding, Jay gets impatient and says, "Why do you guys have to do this, anyway?" His outburst signals the deeper-rooted antagonism Jay had been harboring all along, and the situation is not resolved as quickly as it could have been had Jay been more willing to admit his mistaken.

As Hammond (n.d.) puts it, an interpersonal conflict "occurs when two or more individuals who must work together fail to share the same views, and have different interests or goals," (p. 1). Yet this interpersonal conflict between Mitch and Jay seems to undermine this definition, as they do not even share the same views. Jay is from an older generation, and Mitch does on some level understand this, which is why he has compassion on his father. At the same time, Jay struggles with the notion that his son wants to get married to another man. To Jay, weddings are heterosexual events. Jay does not handle the conflict well because he first deflects and dismisses his son's anxiety about wanting the wedding to be perfect. That in itself shows disrespect for what his son wants. Just because Jay does not want the same things does not mean that his son should not have his own interests. Second, Jay feels bad but it takes him a while to apologize and admit his wrong. Regarding the first issue, Jay has outmoded coping mechanisms that he learned in his childhood. "We have all developed various ways of dealing with conflict," and those ways have been learned through a process of social learning as well as individual differences ("Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts," n.d.).

To resolve this conflict, Jay would need to take the responsibility because it was he who hurt his son's feelings. Mitch did not do anything wrong, but he did take the matter personally at first. "Helping people to see things from the other person's perspective may help to resolve conflicts by reducing resentment," ("Interpersonal Conflict Definition," n.d.). By taking some time away from the situation to diffuse the anger and resentment, Mitch and Jay were both able to process the heavy feelings that rose to the surface. Jay then would have needed to take the opportunity to explore where his feelings came from, and he might have quickly found that he was brought up in an era that did not recognize gay relationships, let alone gay marriages, as being legitimate. He had not explored this feeling within himself until the wedding was being planned, even though he believed himself to be free of prejudice, and believed that he had accepted his son. If what Hammond (n.d.) says about interpersonal conflict is correct, that it "occurs when two or more individuals who must work together fail to share the same views, and have different interests or goals," then this scene can be interpreted differently. Yes, Mitch and Jay need to work together because they are father and son. They are not interested in severing ties. They have to work through the issue. Then, when it surfaces that they "fail to share the same views," they are each asked to question their ultimate values. For Mitch, if his father really does not approve, he needs to walk away from the relationship until his father can respect him on his own terms. That is in fact what happens, as in the end, their "ultimate values" are the same: they both have an "ultimate value" of creating family harmony.

References

Hammond, M. (n.d.). Types of interpersonal conflict. Retrieved online: http://oureverydaylife.com/types-interpersonal-conflict-5552016.html

"Interpersonal Conflict Definition," (n.d.). Retrieved online: http://www.psychologyandsociety.com/interpersonalconflict.html

"Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts," (n.d.). Retrieved online: http://www.forcedmigration.org/rfgexp/rsp_tre/student/comcoun/cou_07.htm