Kung San Trial Marriages and U.S. Divorce

Kung San Trial Marriages and U.S. Divorce Rates.

The!Kung San are a hunter-gatherer people that inhabit the Kalahari desert in Africa. They are the Bushmen who have managed to live a contented, self-governed life while the rest of the world has sprung up around them in a mass of technology and dysfunction. They live a community life where the economy is based on sharing and "among the first words a child learns are na ("give it to me") and ihn ("take this")" (Shostak 2000:44) giving outsiders the impression of a quaint carefree nomadic life.

Nevertheless there are many similarities shared between Americans and the!Kung San, some of which are as simple as equal love for their children, to the interesting arrangements of a 'trial marriage'. A!Kung trial marriage could be acquainted with people living together before getting married, or cohabiting as part of a condition before marriage, depending on religious or multi-cultural backgrounds.

Such similarities are also present in 'de facto unions' where "trial' unions are common among those planning to marry in the future, but on the condition that they have the experience of a union without a marriage bond. This is a kind of "conditioned stage" for marriage, similar to "trial" marriage, but, different from this, a certain social recognition is presumed" (Council 2000:4.)

For the!Kung, these trial marriages ensure not only that they are compatible but they can endure each other through the difficulties of parenthood and, in a nutshell, be civil to one another. It is a part of the relationship process that counteracts such modern social positions like 'de facto parents' and above all, 'divorce'. While the!Kung view trial marriages as an important stage in a woman's life, Western views often associate cohabitation as being an equal decision by both parties involved in the relationship and does not necessarily lead to marriage. Another important aspect would be the!Kung's views on co-wives, which in the western world would be more acquainted with cheating on a spouse, or more likely, polygamy.

Shostak says that children spend most of their first years in "constant contact with their mothers" and "men spend only a small fraction of time that women do in the company of children....and avoid much of the less pleasant tasks of child care" (2000:41) whereas in American society this is not always the case. For whatever reason, divorces occur, regardless of a child's age and social background, and sometimes the child is not given to the custody of the mother, or stay-at-home dads reverse the traditional roles, ensuring that fathers are a little more involved with those less pleasant tasks the men of!Kung San are so easily able to avoid.

The normal lifestyle of American young adults is to live together for a period of time in a type of informal trial marriage. These relationships frequently do not endure" (Tolerance, 2000:1). There are many factors that contribute to the statistic that 50% of American marriages result in divorce, and of these factors, 'common law' relationships seem to play an increasing role. Irreconcilable differences will always be a factor for western relationships ending in divorce, but for the!Kung San it seems that this is what trial marriages are for and based upon the ideal that measures should be taken to keep marriages intact, rather than the other way round.

Women seem to have a limited 'veto' role within the!Kung, while women's rights in America grow stronger as women exercise their Free Will and rights to equal opportunities in society, especially marriage. It's not unheard of these days for women to propose to men, to cheat on men, or to instigate divorce proceedings, nor is it uncommon for same-sex relationships and marriages to take place. In fact, almost 67% of divorce proceedings are initiated by women (Gigy & Kelly, 1992:18).

American society has created a playing-field where girls and boys are able to grow up on a somewhat equal ground, thus giving girls the freedom to join the army or become a firefighter, and boys the opportunity to become teachers, day-care workers and other roles most often associated with women. This is very unlike the!Kung or have almost strict guidelines as to the duties women and men play within their society. Nevertheless, "!Kung adults are cooperative, generous and hardworking" (Shostak, 2000:45) and sometimes these equalities are not always found within American society -regardless of if they are men or women.

There are many exterior influences that have come into play for the modern American man and woman - like greed, money, fame, and materialism. These factors play a role in our development from an early age as we progress more and more away from the simple pleasures and into a more technological ego-filled world.!Kung adolescents grow up in an environment that is not hindered by materialism and possessiveness, rather they must rely on each other for their survival, and co-exist dependant on each other to do their part within the tribe.

If 'trial marriages' were taken to the same level within American society as they are in the!Kung San, it's quite possible that they could have an effect on divorce rates, though probably not as much as we would like.

People are still people, and with the influences in modern society that also have roles in high divorce rates (drugs, crime, poverty, infidelity) it would be unrealistic to imagine that trial marriages could have such an adverse affect. Even in multi-cultural societies where trial and arranged marriages are still common practice, divorce rates are still somewhat higher than in originating countries. Perhaps it is because of the freedoms enjoyed by Americans that give them the impression that they are more entitled to file for divorce, and find love somewhere else, while in countries like India, Pakistan and China, where arranged marriages still take place, these freedoms aren't so easily expressed.

In the!Kung, children are almost promoted into looking after themselves at an early age. Their dependency on their parents becomes less from the moment they are encouraged to walk long distances on their own. In American society it is not unusual for adult children to live with their parents or for older teenagers to still be supported by their parents - usually monetarily.

Maybe it is this early independence, that allow boys and girl of the!Kung to grow into respectable adults- generous and hardworking - and this propagates into their social aspects of marriage, child-care and survival. It is interesting to note that this!Kung independence does not have them filing for divorce whenever something goes wrong, like their American counterparts - but then how many independent American men and women would consider polygamy? This almost seems to be the!Kung answer to divorce - have co-wives so everyone is happy.