Listening Skills it Was a Bit Shocking

Listening Skills It was a bit shocking to learn that when we listen to someone talking we can only really later remember about 25% to 50% of what was said to us. I had actually not thought very much about listening. I know that we're not robots or tape recorders, and we can't remember everything that is said to us. But by reading the "Active Listening" and "Empathetic Listening" information, I know I can do better as a listener even if I can't remember everything that was said to me.

Active Listening After reading through the "Active Listening" section I was hanging out with some friends and decided to check out the various speaking and listening processes that went on. I noticed right away that, by watching my friends talk and listen to one another, they were not really hearing or understanding everything that was said.

I was though, because I was sort of testing out the active listening research, and I realized that I wasn't always a very good listener in the past and I really wanted to be better at it. I won't use their real names but "Jenny" and "Rachel" were having a conversation and I noticed that when Jenny talked Rachel did glance at Jenny's face off and on but basically Rachel's eyes wandered around the Starbucks coffee shop we were in.

Rachel checked out the people in line, the people with their coffee that were sitting down and talking, and she looked at her watch. Rachel's body language told me that she wasn't seriously interested in Jenny's story of what happened in her history class. When Rachel was talking Jenny did look at her, but every now and then Jenny got a text and she couldn't resist looking at her phone to see whom the text was from.

I could tell Jenny really wanted to text back, but she didn't, probably out of respect for what Rachel was saying, but her body language showed me she was anxious to text back. When Rachel turned to talk to me, I made sure to look right at her, and I nodded and smiled to show her I was paying attention. I also made sure to reply to her statements even if they weren't questions.

I never interrupted her and my responses to her -- as I usually do -- were sincere but honest. Empathetic Listening When a friend is explaining something very serious or intense or important on any level, empathetic listening is even more important than active listening. I remember another friend of mine a few weeks ago that had a big fight with his parents. The pained look on his face told me that this was something he really needed to get off his chest.

That happened before I had read about empathetic listening, but looking back I can see that I really was a good listener in an empathetic way. I fully understood his emotions because I have had fights with my parents too, and when they take away privileges, this is serious. I did not look away or become distracted in any way in that conversation. I could see he was angry but he was also reaching out to hear what I thought he should do.

In that conversation, I followed the five steps of empathetic listening not even knowing I was.