Creative Writing Reflection on Love

¶ … closer I get to my graduation, the more people ask me what my plans are. My parents have had this conversation with me a million times, because of course helping out with my tuition entitles them to call me on a weekly basis to ask about internships and job interviews and where do I plan to live? But what I worry about more is, where will I find love? I look at my friends and they run the gamut. Claire and Jason have been together since freshman year. They're like that benchmark perfect couple that has everything sorted out. They may as well by their side-by-side plots at the cemetery right now.

Andy is awesome. She has a new guy every year, and it works out well for her. I like that model. Enough time to get to know somebody, but not enough to be complacent. It's way too early in life for that, she says, and I tend to agree. In the summers, she usually hooks up with a guy from her high school, too. He's cute, and in another life they were probably meant to be with each other, but neither seems interested in being anything more than friends with benefits.

Chantal is perpetually single. She acts like this isn't a problem, like she has this great Tinder life, but it's all a bluff, I'm sure of it. But she's a multitasker like that, no qualms about working multiple angles at once. She's just wired that way. She has the rest of her house in order, don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't want her love life. I've been down that path, somewhere in my not-too-distant past, and it gets old fast. I'm looking for something a little more satisfying, I think.

So I'm starting to think about what I want more. It's scary. I've always wanted an older man. Maybe this is the time for something like that. I can't lie, I've checked a few profiles out. My school friends think I'm crazy. I was hanging out with Chantal and a bottle of wine one night, and looking at profiles for guys in their thirties, even a couple in their forties. She said she couldn't imagine hooking up with someone like that, but I was intrigued. I'm getting too old for college guys, which I guess makes sense since I'm almost out of here.

My mother says just to let it flow naturally, whatever happens, happens. But I think it's more like a job search. I've done a lot of job searching and I'm happy with that analogy. You decide what you want, you get your resume (profile) together, you network (go out), and you ask around in case your friends know of any openings in your field (guys you might be interested in). You have to put in work to get what you want. If I've learned nothing else in school, I've learned that.

There's always Darren. I think we all have that guy who we think is a backup plan, someone you can turn to if nothing else works out. I can't really picture myself with him, but I think that's because I always assumed he was gay. Turns out he's not, and I'd be lying if I said that revelation didn't make me smile inside, but then, I don't know. It would feel weird.

All this anxiety. Everything sounds good, and nothing sounds good. I'm not really going to listen to my mother, am I? And why do I care? I can't handle being single for a few months? It's true, though, if I have to spend the summer watching happy couples in love I'm going to barf. It's springtime, I'm starting a new chapter in my life. I control my destiny. It's actually a powerful feeling, and I'm sure starting out single isn't going to ruin me.