Making a Passage Less Formal

Technical Writing

The passage from the FDIC is written in a formal style. In order to re-write this passage in an informal style, several changes need to be made. These include length of sentences, the use of false subjects, the use of nominalizations, the style of the list and the use of active and passive voice.

In formal writing, sentence lengths tend to be longer. This is in part due to certain structural elements, such as false subjects, but also simply because length implies seriousness. For example "The public relies on the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) to protect insured depositors, resolve banking problems quickly and help maintain public confidence in insured depository institutions. A more informal tone can be achieved by shortening the sentences, reducing stiffness. For example, that sentence can be written as two or three sentences. "The public relies on the FDIC for several functions. The FDIC insures depositors, and works to resolve banking problems quickly. These tasks help maintain public confidence in insured depository institutions."

Another element of formality is the use of false subjects, the use of pronouns in particular. An example of this is "It is important to note that the numerical examples are for illustrative purposes only." This can be re-written without the false subject. "Numerical examples are for illustrative purposes only." The real subject, numerical examples, is used to reduce the formality of the false subject construction.

Another element of formality in this work is the use of nominalizations. An example in the text is "We recognize the need for ongoing discussion to work out the best implementation of these reforms." This construction uses nominalizations to add wordiness and formality, but the sentence can be re-written in a more active manner, without the nominalizations. For example " We need to discuss how to implement these reforms." The new construction eliminates three nominalizations ("the need," "discussion" and "the best implementation" and replaces them with their appropriate verb forms ("We need," "to discuss" and "to implement"), making for a shorter, more informal sentence structure.

The style of the list in the example text is in paragraph form. The third paragraph consists of an entire list of five items. Each is written as a sentence, but prefaced with a number ("(1)," "(2)," etc.). This allows the list to be read as a paragraph of text. This is actually not a standard format throughout the document, as there is a bulleted list on page 6. However, to reduce formality, this paragraph list can be re-written as a set of bullets. For example:

The Bank Insurance Fund and Savings Association Fund should be merged

The current statutory restrictions on the FDIC's ability to charge risk-based premiums

Sharp premium swings inherent

Those rebates should be based

The coverage level