Secrets of a Great Marriage

¶ … Secrets of a Great Marriage

In the last few decades, there has been seen a constant decrease in the rate of people who are getting married. This shows that people are therefore waiting longer to get married. Many would wonder what the reason for this is. There is a lot of doubt and confusion regarding what is right and what is wrong. The major confusion is that whether I will or will not be compatible with the person that I am marrying. In a nut shell, no two people are compatible with each other. Every relationship, whether it is with a friend, parent, sibling or spouse requires compromise and understanding. It should also be noted that the divorce rates have increased. However, marriage is a respectful bond that binds the couple in a relationship for life.

Summary

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, in their book titled "Simple Secrets of a Great Marriage" offer about 21 elements that you can use in order to achieve the relationship that you desire with your partner. This book reveals how one can get the most mileage out of their marriage by following few simple steps. In the beginning, the authors talk about the term humility and how a couple may be able to build good and healthy humility in their relationship in order to keep their conflicts constructive. Towards the end of every chapter engaging questions are asked such as; think about it, talk about it, live it. In order to truly love your partner and for the love to grow, the key is to understand self-denial. When the couple is able to learn how to deny themselves, then they can experience a delightful and divine mystery of love. In short, this book basically compasses the different components of a healthy marriage. For instance, it talks about little things like building trust. This is something that almost everyone knows yet there are people who break the rule. Cloud and Townsend (2008) emphasize how important this feeling is and the ways in which a couple can ensure marked trust between each other. This book basically provides the different situations that a person or a married couple can be in. The book goes on to cover the expectations or the feelings that a person enters a marriage with and the author tells the differences between perception and reality. The chapters about fights and type of fights cover a wide array of arguments that could occur in married life. In conclusion, this book touches upon and then goes on to advice on how to deal with certain problems that come up.

Concrete Responses

In this book, the art of learning self-denial has been discussed which in real relates to my marriage as well. My husband and I have been happily married for a year now. However, there are times when I feel that his X-box and football is more important. In a relationship self-denial is the key to success as at times it is important to put your desires to one side and listen to what your spouse has to say. During the first month of our marriage, when I asked my husband to switch of the TV so we could go out to watch a movie together he replied, "You do things that are important to you as well, then why is it that every time I am doing something I like you want attention." When I read through the chapter on self-denial I realized that how it relates to my own relationship. When we are sitting together a lot of time, he would be playing on his cellphone or surfing the web. When a husband and wife learn that denying themselves leads their relationship and love grow. I learned that if my husband and I just start by giving up on simple things, we would be able to take more time out for ourselves. In love we have got to give up on keeping scores, only then we can build compassion and connection towards each other.

Reflection

The main areas discussed in this book ask for one to change their thinking and behavior in order to work things out with their partner. The two people in the marriage bond must be the same however, with the passage of time situations change and you can't get the same attention and love which you once had.This process is natural, as along with the increase in number of years you have been with your husband there is an increase in the responsibilities as well. Since I did have many problems with my marriage, I felt this book to be quite helpful. I noticed that in the book the author cites Jesus and bible terms; however no one is perfect in this world. The secrets of a great marriage are described in this book for which one must be perfect. I do not disagree or contradict with the suggestions made in the book. Though, a question comes to my mind that what suggestions would have been provided to those people who do not agree with author's point-of-view. There is a high possibility that many people would disagree with the ideas presented in the book as there are lots of people who do not like to change themselves. Not everyone has the heart of sacrificing their needs in order to satisfy the needs of their spouse. Thus, I would conclude that since mankind is associated with imperfection thus, we can't compare ourselves with Jesus.

Application

Cloud and Townsend (2008) discuss the aspect of false expectations and how people expect marriage to be a smooth journey. A lot of people merely choose to get married just because they think that their life will become perfect after they get married. I see a lot of my friends getting jealous and envious of my life just because they think that I'm married so therefore, I am happy.