Marriage enrichment program effectiveness and implementation

Marriage Enrichment Program is a 5-day workshop focusing on the issue of "empowerment." The Program will cover a range of topics in relation to marriage such as love and romance, openness and communication, accepting help from a partner, appreciating positive changes that lead to forgiveness, and the showing of love through touch, sex, rituals, activities, faith and prayer. The Program is designed for married individuals who are hearing impaired and thus communicate through American Sign Language.

Hearing-impaired individuals in marriages suffer the same kinds of communicative problems as everyone else does, although the nature of communication is different. This Marriage Enrichment Program, which takes place over five days, is an enrichment program designed especially for hearing-impaired couples between the ages of 30 and 65 years. Marriage enrichment programs are the perfect opportunity to put a marital relationship to the forefront of busy lives. Getting away from the chaotic and constant distractions from every day life to focus on each other and the relationship as a whole can do wonders for improving the way that spouses communicate. Some couples may be wondering where the romance in their marriage has gone while others may have a hard time forgiving each other for past wrongs that they cannot let go of. Empowering oneself with an open attitude to change is something that we all must do at some point in our lives, but when one's marriage is the price of not changing, we cannot afford not to.

The Marriage Enrichment Program is a 5-day workshop set against the backdrop of nature in Elk River, Minnesota, very near the border of Canada. Couples stay in cabins in the forest and are joined speakers and therapists who are fluent in sign language; for those speakers and therapists who are not fluent in sign language, interpreters are provided. The event will be marketed through email and Facebook.

The first day of the program focuses on Love and Romance. Married life involves a continuous cycle of ups and downs referred to as romance, disillusionment, and true joy. The couples will be asked certain questions such as: 1) When have we experienced romance in our relationship? 2) When have we experienced disillusionment in our relationship? 3) Have we made the conscious decision to love each other? And, 4) What ways are we alike and/or different? These questions will be asked and the couples will have discuss these topics individually with each other.

Day two of the enrichment program focuses on Openness and Communication. What behaviors, thoughts, and values to you show your partner? Do we listen openly? In what ways do we argue or show the other when we are angry? How do we deal with conflicts in our relationship? Gottman (1999) notes in his book The Marriage Clinic that there are two main types of conflict: conflict with issues that can be solved and conflict with a perpetual issue. When looking at conflict that can be solved (not perpetual), looking for these signs is often necessary: softened or harsh start-up; rejecting influence; accepting influence; repair attempts and their effectiveness (or not); compromise vs. stubborn "digging in" and gridlock; and, active searching for common ground by either partner. Perpetual problems normally have these major signs: the four horsemen; vilification; partners seeing each other as enemies; feeling unaccepted and criticized; loneliness; internal conflict; tension (facial sometimes); and, underlying sadness or fear.

Being able to honor one another's life dreams is a major component to a happy and healthy marriage. Finding ways to create shared meaning is also important. Discussing family rituals, roles, goals, and symbolic meaning in their lives is a ways to help explore common ground (Gottman, 1999).

Because some hearing-impaired individuals are more visual learners, a speaker will use the Animal Model to describe conflicts to help couples examine their approach. There are several different animal models, for example: the dove is a figure who wants peace at any price; the hawk blames the other; the owl is about being reasonable; the ostrich doesn't know what conflict is; the puppy believes in always making the other happy; and the skunk won't take criticism and he blames another in his own defense.

The event topic for day three focuses on evaluating each other's willingness to accept help from his or her partner. This relates to how couples make decisions within their marriage and brings up topics such as -- how to spend the holidays, time with each other, time with friends, practicing faith, relationship with families, careers, financial concerns, children, hobbies, and household responsibilities.

Working as a team is an important aspect of marriage; developing what Gottman (1999) describes as a sense of "we-ness" as opposed to a "me-ness" is vital for marriage success and longevity. Creating a sense of we-ness can be achieved through cognitive behavioral couples therapy. When one part of the couples has needs that are not being met, it is important these needs are communicated to one's spouse so that they can work together to find ways -- as a team -- for the spouse to have his or her needs fulfilled -- and vice versa. This is working as a team and when one's needs are really recognized by his or her spouse and a change is made for the better, a stronger bond between the couple will occur.

Using Gottman's (1999) form, "Who does what in the marriage?," couples will describe their perception of hw things are currently handled in the household and then how they would like them to be held. These are items from running errands to the cleaners to balancing the checkbook or making the beds. This is a good way to see how each part of the couple perceives their spouses and their own levels of responsibility.

Guided behavior changes can occur in small, easy doses. They may be changes such as making dinner one night a week, taking out the garbage before being asked, or cleaning up after dinner. These guided behaviors can make a change by showing the spouse that he or she still cares about the marriage and the spouse. Skill-based interventions are different than guided behavior changes. In skill-based interventions, the therapist is acting as a teacher, instructing the couples through didactic discussions or media about how to communicate and relate to one another (Gurman, 2008).

Day four is all about the couples learning how to appreciate small positive changes in life in order to bring about change that can lead to forgiveness. One techniques of solution-focused therapy is the asking of questions. Questions are asked and selected responses are then discussed and the couple will have the opportunity to elaborate on the topic. The therapists work with the individuals to get them to come to their own desired outcomes. The therapist works as a mirror -- concave or convex mirrors that can swivel - rather than providing a flat mirror that simply reflects.