Medical Terminology Just Another Typical

Medical Terminology

Just another Typical Day at the Hospital

Hospital, two doctors walking down a busy corridor

Woman Doctor: You are such a curmudgeon!

Man Doctor: I know, but the only thing that exists in this world is pain and suffering. Just take a look around this hospital.

Woman Doctor: Well, that's the point of a hospital. Healthy people don't really have a need to be here, but we help them and when they go home they are happy and healthy. Maybe you just need to get away from the hospital for a bit and take a break.

Man Doctor: Perhaps you're right. I used to walk to a coffee shop to get away, but now I don't seem to have time. I think I will go and see if that cute barista still works there. Thanks for the advice!

Woman Doctor: Oh brother! Not only are you a curmudgeon, but you are a dirty old man too.

Man Doctor: I know, isn't it great?!

Woman Doctor: (Shakes head and rolls eyes.) Humph.

Slide

Doctor strolling down the street, hands in pockets and contemplating to himself.

Man Doctor: Getting out of the hospital sure feels good, but it is pretty unrealistic to think that my whole outlook on life is going to change in a span of an hour. She might be a good friend, but sometimes she is so naive. The world is full of crap and more crap with crap piled on top of it. Death, dismemberment, chronic pain, infectious disease, and terminal illness are the context in which I exist. Yep, she's crazy! My view of life is not going to change.

Slide 3

Husband: Help! I think my wife is having a heart attack. (Grabs doctor by arm as he is passing.) Excuse me sir, do you have a cell phone? We need a paramedic quick!

Man Doctor: I am a doctor. I can help.

Husband: Thank God! My wife is having a heart attack. I don't know what to do.

Wife clutching chest, doctor takes pulse and listens to her chest.

Man Doctor: Are you experiencing any acute pain?

Wife: No, but my heart is racing uncontrollably and I can't catch my breath.

Slide 4

Man Doctor: Well, I can rule out a few things right away. It is not cardiac arrest, or you would be collapsed on the ground and not breathing by now. It is not likely to be myocardial infarction, or in other words a heart attack, since you are not experiencing chest pain, arm pain, abdominal pain, or a heart burn like sensation. I believe you are experiencing an arrhythmia or irregular heartbeat. I recommend having an electrocardiogram, aka EKG, to confirm this diagnosis since it is possible to have a silent myocardial infarction or one without symptoms. Arrhythmias can be brought on by anything from too much caffeine to heart disease. You may simply need an antiarrhythmic drug to treat your condition. The nearest medical facility is just back that way a few blocks.

Husband and Wife: Thanks!

Doctor gives a wave and continues on his way to the coffee shop.

Man Doctor: (Thinking to himself.) I am glad I could help, but I wonder if this is a sign. I bet if I look more closely everyone I pass is a "patient," so to speak.

Slide 5

Doctor walks past an older man coughing uncontrollably with a cigarette in hand.

Man Doctor: You do realize that you have chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, don't you? If you don't quit smoking you will have emphysema and eventually die from that nasty habit.

Man 1: It's just a bad cold. I am prone to colds and other commonly communicable diseases. That's all, just a weak immune system.

Slide 6

Man Doctor: That cough is pretty protracted to be attributed to a cold alone. It is amazing how an addiction can lead an intelligent man to such delusions.

Man 1: I have the swollen lymph nodes to prove it. Plus, I forgot to take a decongestant drug this morning and I didn't get the flu immunization as usual this year.

Slide 7

Man Doctor: Your dependence on nicotine will eventually prove fatal. I hope you can quit before it's too late.

Man 1: Damn nosy people, probably a doctor aren't you? You people are always trying to meddle in other people's affairs. I can take care of myself. Turns and walks away.

Man Doctor: (Thinking to himself.) They always feel that way until they really need us. I suppose I'll be seeing him at the hospital when his condition worsens. Until then I suppose he'll continue suffering on his own. I am beginning to get an eerie feeling that I might be more right than I thought about the status of life

Slide 8

The doctor passes a young couple.

Gal: Puhhhlease don't kiss me right now. You have a cold sore and then I'll end up with cold sores for the rest of my life.

Guy: You're over exaggerating. That won't happen.

Slide 9

Man Doctor: Sorry to be such a nosy Nancy, but she's right. Herpes simplex virus type 1 can't be cured. The virus remains in your body and resides in neurons. Then it travels down the trigeminal nerve to infect epithelial cells, causing recurring outbreaks of painful sores around the mouth, especially when you become stressed out.

Guy: I thought it was just acne.

Man Doctor: Cold sores are generally very painful blisters that occur around the mouth, whereas acne vulgaris is caused by bacteria and occurs mainly in greasy teenagers. You see, they are both dermal lesions, but are completely different. Shakes his head and continues walking towards coffee shop.

Guy: (Sarcastically calling to the doctor). Gee thanks.

Gal: See, I told you so.

Guy: Hey, don't stress me out or I'll never get rid of this thing!

Slide 10

The doctor stops at a street corner to wait for the light to change, an older man starts up a conversation.

Man 2: I've taken all the ibuprofen I ought to in one day but I'm still in so much pain. Maybe I should try a muscle relaxant too. I don't know, but it seems like I am in chronic pain all the time, yet otherwise in good health. What gives?

Slide 11

Man Doctor: Have you ever considered fibromyalgia as the cause of your muscle pain? You should consider seeing an orthopedics specialist. You should be in communication with your doctor rather than a stranger.

Man 2: What makes you suspect some fancy sounding disease over arthritis? Besides, you're the one giving out advice.

Man Doctor: Both affect the musculoskeletal system. However, arthritis typically causes joint pain and is inflammatory, whereas fibromyalgia causes widespread body pain. You mentioned a muscle relaxant, remember?

Man 2: Ah, yes. The memory starts to go first, the!

Man Doctor: Also, you should be aware that an analgesic drug such as ibuprofen can cause stomach pain and liver damage. Even an over the counter drug can be harmful. The light changes and the doctor waves goodbye and walks away.

Slide 12

Mom: (a young mother exclaims aloud.) I am sooooo tired. I wish you would settle down and be good for once.

Slide 13

Man Doctor: Perhaps your circadian rhythm was disrupted after your children were born while you were up all hours nursing and you haven't gotten back on track yet. You should try taking a cortisol manager to help promote healthy sleep cycles along with having your pituitary gland function checked.

Mom: Why are you spouting all this medical jargon at me? Why don't you mind your own business? You aren't even a doctor. She turns and walks away. Doctor shrugs and continues walking towards the coffee shop.

Slide 14

Man Doctor: I can't believe what I've just experienced… I have confirmed my theory, but I don't think it is a good thing. Maybe a 20 ounce, quad shot mocha with lots of whipped cream on top will help!

Barista (not the cute one): Hi, how can I help you?

Man Doctor: You don't happen to know if a cute, little barista still works here do you?

Barista: Uh, I couldn't say sir. How can I help you?

Man Doctor: You wouldn't believe the day I'm having! I was hoping to see a familiar face.

Barista: I'm sorry to hear that sir, but how can I help you?

Man Doctor: Can't you see I'm having a life affirming moment? Can't you tell that I need more than what this cafe has to offer right now?

Barista: Err, so I can't help you?

Man Doctor: Now you've got it. I have to get back to the hospital.

Slide 15

Doctor returns to hospital and passes his friend in the hall.

Woman Doctor: So, how was it? Did you see your barista?

Man Doctor: Thanks for sending me on a life affirming journey. In other words, thanks for nothing.

Woman Doctor: What do you mean?

Man Doctor: Well, from the moment I left this hospital I entered an alternate reality full of only sickness and pain. Thus, confirming my original hypothesis that life is nothing but pain and suffering. And now, I suffer even more. So, thanks a lot. He walks away down the hall.